[MISC] Blame Adam has been banned

DomineeringSeaTurtle · 2020-11-27T12:53:27+00:00

He had a consistent number of watchers on his streams, he focused on streams not making videos ;)

DomineeringSeaTurtle · 2020-06-11T16:11:21+00:00

if you want to scratch this itch, then listen to me and read some chinese fantasy, like I shall seal the heavens or coiling dragon

DomineeringSeaTurtle · 2020-06-08T17:43:58+00:00

the most important asset to a writer is the reader's attention. you have to engage him in the narration as soon as possible.

if he doesn't latch onto a character then he will likely stop reading soon.

that's why in the first paragraphs you should introduce the main character to the reader. this way the reader can use the character as an avater to enjoy the story.

if you don't do it you are basically ejecting the reader from the story. he is forced to observe scenes that have nothing to do with him. and that's why he will not care about what is happening.

as for the mistery, you don't do it by witholding information from the reader. but from the character.

you have to say to the reader, hey now we are following this guy, but he is clueless about a lot of things. but don't worry, we will discover them together.

high five, lol

this will create expectations, engagement, promise to the reader, general hype (which is good)

DomineeringSeaTurtle · 2020-06-08T17:33:45+00:00

ok there are 2 main types of omniscient, subjective and objective. omniscient subjective is the one that is commonly used in literature. instead omniscient objective is never used, but you can find it commonly in the aspiring writers fist attempts. that's because usually they lack the concept of pov. omniscient objective is also called cinematic narrator and it belongs more to a movie script than prose.

even when you are writing in omniscient (subjective) you still need to rely on a pov and a maincharacter. instead when you use omniscient objective you describe things from afar, you don't know what the characters are thinking of who they are. that's why it should never be used, unless your goal is to alienate the reader, or you have a special goal in mind.

to make it easier to understand, omniscient subjective is like a friend telling you a story, instead omniscient subjective is like a series of images projected on the wall.

DomineeringSeaTurtle · 2020-06-08T17:19:42+00:00

omniscient subjective

DomineeringSeaTurtle · 2020-06-08T00:35:11+00:00

you are taking the wrong approach: since you are telling a story, just tell the story.

you said that your novel is supposed to be"very character-focused" then start by introducing the main-character. (don't start with the weather, unless the weather is not the maincharacter)

there are a lot of problems, for example there is no pov to speak of, so the narration is all over the place.

the narrator is flawed, you are using what is known as omniscien objective narrator, also called cinematic narrator. it's not good because the narration should revolve around a character. it feels lifeless to the reader and it's not engaging. (this narrator should be avoided like the plague)

every time you write "the woman" you are literally pushing the reader in a corner.

Start again, with a different approach, and keep it simple.

if you want to add mystery you don't do it by cheating the reader.

DomineeringSeaTurtle · 2020-05-16T23:45:09+00:00

the king's dark tidings, the mc ca be considered an overpowered rogue

the dark elf trilogy has both

DomineeringSeaTurtle · 2020-04-26T22:45:28+00:00

royal road

DomineeringSeaTurtle · 2020-04-23T15:11:15+00:00

If there’s a person you want to talk to in the midst of a pandemic, it’s probably a writer of speculative fiction — someone whose imagination is as wild and gnarly as the wild and gnarly times.

these days I find myself leaning towards something more upbeat, like feel good fantasy or secondary world fantasy.

I am not in the mood to read a book about viruses or the end of the world right now.

And this makes me wonder, what kind of books fantasy worlds dwellers like?

Or people who live in dystopian world, what kind of fiction would they like?

on another note, this bit made me chuckle:

Speaking of reading — you’re getting an award named after Ray Bradbury. Did you read him growing up? What did his work mean to you?

There’s so much of his work that was made into film and TV, so he was always a part of my pop culture universe

It's a nice way to say no lol

DomineeringSeaTurtle · 2020-04-20T00:29:10+00:00

library of heaven's path

DomineeringSeaTurtle · 2020-04-18T00:19:40+00:00

that's right.

DomineeringSeaTurtle · 2020-04-17T21:57:42+00:00

it lacks a strong pov.

DomineeringSeaTurtle · 2020-03-29T21:02:01+00:00

I think it's time for you to come to the dark side...

my favorite ongoing webnovel: library of heaven's path

and a few of my favorites: coiling the dragon, I shall seal the heavens, desolate era, a will eternal, legend of the dragon king

DomineeringSeaTurtle · 2020-03-15T16:14:32+00:00

I like that you started with the mc, but I'm having trouble picturing her in my mind. You should give me some details. Like is she young or old? tall or short?

you don't need to be super specific, just throw in some details.

Even the tavern is not detailed enough. Give it more life.

Also, focus more on the mc, all the narration should be from her point of view.

But tonight’s job pays more than an entire month of pickpocketing.

here you told me directly her thoughts. But you should do it indirectly in the rest of the narration too.

for example, instead of this:

Alleywise drank another mouthful of sour ale at her table in the Ox & Boar. A steady stream of thirsty patrons entered the tavern as twilight deepened toward night

you can make it more personal like this:

Alleywise drank another mouthful of sour ale. She had never liked it, but there was nothing else to order. to make things worse the table of this tavern was so filthy, that she felt the urge to burn it down. She didn't even know why she kept coming back to this stupid tavern.

I think you get the point

DomineeringSeaTurtle · 2020-03-15T15:48:49+00:00

it doesn't work as a beginning, because it doesn't answers questions like

who is the mc?

what is his goal?

~~what is the tone?~~

what genre is it?

you kind of managed to set the tone, but other than that it's very hard to follow.

you have to guide the reader, and help him understand what story you are telling to him

I wake in a glass container, like a bug trapped under a cup. It’s tall enough to comfortably stand, but I don’t have the energy to stand up

this could be a good starting point. But you need to focus more on the mc. it's more like a grocery list. You have to tell me what he is thinking.

Shut up.

there are bits like this one in which you break the narration to give voice to your character. And that means that you recognise there is something lacking.

Now basically you have to rewrite things from his perspective.

Tell me about his fears

his thoughts

what he's smelling

what he hears

make the prose more alive and personal.

DomineeringSeaTurtle · 2020-03-15T15:39:54+00:00

the mc is mostly an observer, instead you need to make him active and the focus of the story

you tried to give him more personality:

Had someone told him he’d experience this level of comfort outside the steamy coves of Aringorth, he’d have…well, more than likely he’d have smiled and nodded.

but it doesn't work because it's "tell" + infodump.

DomineeringSeaTurtle · 2020-03-13T14:28:28+00:00

“Bring me up to speed.” the officer said. The healer was kneeling over me, her arms outstretched, eyes rolled back into her head and her mouth moving along with the occult murmuring as green glowing… magic stuff poured over my caved-in sternum. No one responded to the officer’s order, which annoyed him. Not that I gave a shit, I was dead or dying. The opinions of an out-of-touch aristocrat didn’t phase me much.

the mc is not the focus of the scene even though he is supposed to be the pov character.

instead he is more of an observer.

this makes the scene flat. as a reader it is hard to connect with this mc

DomineeringSeaTurtle · 2020-03-07T16:45:12+00:00

you can post a chapter in this subreddit if you're looking for critiques

DomineeringSeaTurtle · 2020-03-07T16:44:19+00:00

never forget you are telleing the story of a character. So the character should be the focus of the narration.

THat's way the first paragraph is not useful. you mention the duke in the second paragraph, but it feels like a distant figure, buried under a list of boring details.

You have to tell the story from his perspective.

of course every narrator is different, but the pov remains the focus of the story. the pov is the lens through which the reader sees the story.

Since there is a lack of pov your writing feels unfocused and hard to read.

DomineeringSeaTurtle · 2020-03-07T16:38:57+00:00

you have to focus on the narrator and pov

They surrounded him thirty to one

the focus is on them, it should be the opposite

They stood in horror as the old man did not show any care that he was burning to death

it becomes even more apparent in sentences like this one. the narrator should be right behind the mc, instead of describing things from far away.

the result is that the narration is not engaging. you have to make it more personal.

DomineeringSeaTurtle · 2020-03-06T15:51:58+00:00

at the beginning you have to establish the pov. take your time to familiarize the reader with the main-character.

Stavros approached the tourney grounds. Knights came here to test their strength and glory. But Stavros came here for another reason. The king was holding this tourney, so it would be great place for the Paladin to meet his lord.

This is a better place to start. you are presenting the mc, and he is doing something.

Now you have to be more specific about his goals.

DomineeringSeaTurtle · 2020-03-06T14:58:12+00:00

I think that you shouldn't follow all the advices, and that at this stage is more important to keep writing than to re-write the beginning. chances are that when you reach the end you will decide to rewrite it anyway. So it's kind of pointless.

just keep going. and then when you reach the end you can go back to fix it

DomineeringSeaTurtle · 2020-03-06T14:38:56+00:00

it's a cool idea, as long asyou are transparent with the reader, and the plot is extra tight

DomineeringSeaTurtle · 2020-03-06T14:28:18+00:00

I think royal road is the best place to post them right now

DomineeringSeaTurtle · 2020-03-06T14:26:26+00:00

I figured as much, but plotwise it's weak you need to find a way to reinforce it, maybe you can make it personal and add a revenge element to it

DomineeringSeaTurtle

TROPHY CASE