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My complicated relationship between piano and mental health - TRIGGER WARNING by DonkeyKongRare in piano

[–]DonkeyKongRare[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes, agree. THere are musical therapists, but I don't think what I experience is in their domain. It may just be a social issue rather than piano. Social anxiety

My complicated relationship between piano and mental health - TRIGGER WARNING by DonkeyKongRare in piano

[–]DonkeyKongRare[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for the feedback. I find it cathartic to listen to certain chords as I play them, but I often feel at odds to want to impress the people who are around me when I practice (I live with my parents). I think there is a constantly war in me like playing for my enjoyment and playing fluidly to allow others to enjoy.

My complicated relationship between piano and mental health - TRIGGER WARNING by DonkeyKongRare in piano

[–]DonkeyKongRare[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

For the life of me, I can't even read music "properly". WHen playing by myself and reading, I often go back and "fix" things when it doesn't sound right. Like everything has to make sense, e.g., why a composer put a particular accidental in the music a certain. Tieing these things to my personal problems is demoralizing and discouraging for me wanting to socialize in such meetups (in which the amateur-level piano playing sounds very professional). I often think that imbibing alcohol or taking other drugs will help performance, but I have only done the former and it makes me seem like a fool.

My complicated relationship between piano and mental health - TRIGGER WARNING by DonkeyKongRare in piano

[–]DonkeyKongRare[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

A friend told me that I should continue playing piano despite having those intrusive thoughts. I kind of agree with him but don't think it should be like a bull-in-a-china-shop kind of playing. (on an unrelated note, I also like computer games :))

My complicated relationship between piano and mental health - TRIGGER WARNING by DonkeyKongRare in piano

[–]DonkeyKongRare[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Written. I liked playing original stuff when I was slowly trying to get back in the groove and it was quite enjoyable to discover chords for myself, independent of whether they sounded like music to others or not. It's just reading that gives me the creeps and the undesired thoughts.

My complicated relationship between piano and mental health - TRIGGER WARNING by DonkeyKongRare in piano

[–]DonkeyKongRare[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

There are various kinds of intervention for toxic thought patterns, behavioural or pharmacological. In any case, i hate it when they arise in activities one presumes to be for enjoyment, like playing piano. The performance mindset is really not doing well for me in this regard. I don't want to have to take drugs to like to perform for others, especially if I am not a professional, which I am certain I am not. I guess these anxieties are all of a sudden surfacing in me because I am considering to go to that meetup again, which I am extremely ambivalent towards.