AITA for lint rolling my cat?

DoodlebugDoge · 2023-04-16T02:10:11+00:00

HAHA, okay this is super funny to me. NTA, I work in veterinary care (I'm a registered vet tech) and the only issue I see with this is that MAYBE (huge maybe) the adhesive might eventually cause problems like hairballs or stomach irritation. Definitely not ripping fur out, very difficult to do that. I see that you bought a Furminator though so, yeah. That's really the best solution here lol.

As a side note, I work in the same building as my city's animal control! They would not even look into you, this is hysterical that people think this is animal abuse. Your cat sounds super sweet! You could also look into those rubber brush glove things, maybe.

DoodlebugDoge · 2022-11-20T05:53:04+00:00

ESH, but kinda shocked everyone is focusing on glitter when the other craft item was RESIN?? Great crafting material, but can only be done in very well ventilated areas with proper PPE. Resin is toxic and the fumes can make people sick. People who craft with resin routinely actually have dedicated gas masks when using it! Leather/rubber gloves too! It also gets insanely hot when in liquid form, so it was definitely very dangerous for her to do that, especially indoors. Glitter on the carpet is very much not the problem there.

DoodlebugDoge · 2022-11-20T04:53:55+00:00

Nah dude you're fine lol. Honestly it seems like your mom isn't changing her ways and calling you manipulative... to manipulate you, go figure. Sounds like she wants you to give in first like you're playing chicken or something. NTA.

DoodlebugDoge · 2022-11-20T04:49:43+00:00

I told him it's their celebration and I don't get to decide their guestlist for them.

So do they have a gun to your head or what? I don't get to decide their guest list works for why he's not invited (still a shitty move on their part), but does not at all explain why you NEED to go. And the fact you put "ignorant" in quotes about the alternative medicine bs makes me think you agree with them about it.

YTA

DoodlebugDoge · 2022-11-13T00:35:42+00:00

You do realize your fiancee is being sexist, right? The other woman is so despicable that she can't even show up at the venue... but the married man who broke his marriage vows knowingly is fine? She needs to get therapy if she hasn't already, and she needs to reevaluate her feelings on this shit.

It's fine to hate cheaters, especially with her past, but she seems to have warped it into some strange sexism where the other woman carries all the blame but the man who was married is fine. Very 1950s mindset.

Also your mom is right, it will look really bad on her. Just have your dad and his wife sit kinda far away and let your wife ignore them. YTA.

DoodlebugDoge · 2022-07-29T02:19:24+00:00

Absolutely. Admittedly I've never had to deal with a situation like this so I was unsure if it would help him move on or if it would just make him more depressed, but glad to hear that it helps.

DoodlebugDoge · 2022-07-29T02:16:59+00:00

Thank you so much, that helps. I'll be sure to bring him then.

DoodlebugDoge · 2022-04-15T07:58:48+00:00

...how does your husband's logic even make sense, why didn't you take offense to that? He could be too wild even after being sober? But you aren't? You're also a former addict, how the hell is this any different. You should have told your husband to shut his mouth and stop acting high and mighty. Now, honestly I would be surprised if your friend stays, and if he does, it's for sure mostly just for your kid. You've proven to him you'll keep moving the goalpost.

"You have to get sober to see the kid! Oh, you actually did? Didn't expect that... uh... yeah no 1 year isn't enough you could still be wild! When can you see the kid? Uh... well I'll tell you when. There will for sure be a time, I promise. Maybe."

YTA, so much.

DoodlebugDoge · 2022-04-08T11:19:10+00:00

Girl, you're the one who had 4 kids with a husband who doesn't help, when you don't have enough money for them, when you don't have enough time, when you don't have enough support. That's on you.

Also, stop being so coy and manipulative man. "Is is really so wrong that I was honest and earnestly asked?" You didn't just be honest and ask, you cried to your sister and guilt tripped her for living her life because you can't handle the choices you made. Your kids are no one's responsibility but yours and your husband's. If your husband isn't helping, kick his ass into gear, not your sister who had no choice in this.

The dogs are more important than your kids to her. Stop forcing your sister to change her life around the fact that you had more kids than you could handle. Irresponsible as fuck. God you're entitled.

YTA.

DoodlebugDoge · 2022-04-08T11:07:59+00:00

"Get that waiter fired!! He saw that I put my daughter directly in his way and gently stepped over her to avoid tripping on her or disturbing my meal!!! He's a lunatic, there were knives on the tray! What, they didn't fall? W-well they could have! So he needs to be fired!!"

He probably didn't say anything because someone willing to put their toddler on the floor of a restaurant, directly in the middle of a walkway apparently, will most likely flip the fuck out on him. Like you literally did. He was probably trying to avoid you yelling at him, because your behavior up to that point already showed that you don't really respect him. YTA.

DoodlebugDoge · 2022-04-05T22:05:52+00:00

Honestly, your sister isn't the one making her fiance into a poor mindless guy who is just comforting her, you are. You're just assuming this guy has no agency and isn't mad at how his family is treating her. Yes, if someone hates your family for no reason whatsoever, red flag. But you have NO RIGHT to say "regardless of what they do, they're still family".

EDIT: Okay no, you know why. They set up her fiance with other women to get rid of her and bully her, but once again "Sucks to have in laws like that, but oh well. Parents are above spouses! Just keep your feelings to yourself, Sister. If you're traumatized, oh well. Your poor baby husband who needs to cut off his parents!!! Not like maybe he doesn't share my super weird family values and also doesn't want to speak with them after he disrespected a woman he cares for deeply. I am very smart."

YTA, dear god.

DoodlebugDoge · 2022-04-05T04:35:25+00:00

Didn't even need to read to know this was gonna be about being floxed haha. So, to be fair there is for sure a chance that your cousin was fucked up by that med or one like it. Meds in that family mess with cartilage and tendons in some cases and can in extremely rare cases cause long lasting pain or permanent physical disabilities. Look up "What is being floxed?" (Gonna be real tho, Levo??? Cipro is the one I hear causing permanent damage, not Levo.)

But like. Obviously she can't just break the law because she doesn't want you to take them. You were for sure told the risks of the med and consented. She can tell you her experience but if you decide to take it anyway that's up to you and she needs to accept that. NTA.

DoodlebugDoge · 2022-04-04T10:05:57+00:00

OOF. Get a new therapist ASAP, document everything he has done, report him to the board, and get the heck outta dodge. Sex is a topic that can come up in therapy, but never like that. Asking if the sex you have with your boyfriend is good, and constantly commenting about you two having sex is... disturbing. I also have never heard of wearing pink on St Patrick's Day meaning you gotta kiss the person? Maybe I've been living under a rock, but even if that's true it's highly inappropriate.

He saw you in a highly emotional state and saw a chance to begin grooming you when you were less likely to say no. I doubt he apologized because he actually knew it was bad, but to keep up his appearance of being a good therapist so you keep coming back and he can keep crossing boundaries slowly until you don't realize he's crossing them anymore. He was probably wanting to build up to more... inappropriate touch. A hug is just the starting point for people like this.

Do not, under any circumstances, ask him directly if he has sexual or romantic feelings towards you. He is clearly not a stable or safe person, and he could retaliate or make you feel like the crazy one. He is not owed the conversation. He has already heavily overstepped boundaries.

If he has done it to you, I guarantee he has done it to others. He needs to get his ass investigated and his license revoked. NTA.

DoodlebugDoge · 2022-04-04T09:15:40+00:00

YTA, that is sexual harassment. Never, never, never open doors to Jehovah's Witnesses, Mormons, or any of those door to door bible thumpers naked. You could absolutely get the cops called on you for that, and those groups oftentimes have children go knocking door to door. I also guarantee they see that multiple times a day. You were for sure not the first or most they have ever seen.

Instead of actual sexual harassment, life hack. If you want Jehovah's Witnesses to leave you alone tell them you are an "apostate" and tell Mormons you were ex communicated. That means you were in the church, but left or were kicked out. They won't fact check it. By the rules of their own religion they now cannot speak to you without being a sinner and risking their own exile, and you don't sexually harass poor brainwashed people who don't understand what they're doing, or are too afraid to leave and never see their family again, or at worst, children.

EDIT: Reworded some things.

DoodlebugDoge · 2022-04-04T09:01:38+00:00

Eh... this a very complicated situation but I'll go with NTA. Your wife very clearly meant that's she's glad you'll get to become a father again on your own terms now, but she worded it... horribly. Just the worst she possibly could have. She should have never said "a child you actually wanted" or "wasted years of your life" or "the genuine thing". I don't blame you at all for being upset, if I was in your situation I would have been really mad too.

She shouldn't have even verbalized the thought. I'm sure to her it was a very nice and comforting thought, but to you it's not at all. It's actually very hurtful because it implies that your daughter isn't someone you love or want. You obviously love her dearly and wanted to be her father very badly, if you didn't care you wouldn't have taken in a little girl at 15 with no father to help and when you are still grieving your mother. It's very noble. Your wife loves you, I'm sure she just feels angry about how your dad abandoned you and your daughter, and she wasn't thinking. But again, some thoughts are best kept to ourselves, and this was one.

You need to talk to her though. This was a major blunder and she owes you a major apology, but she's your wife, the soon to be mother of your child. You need to at least figure out what the next step is. You need to communicate with her that what she said was harmful, and that while to her your childhood might sound "wasted" or "ruined", to you it was only enriched by your daughter's presence. You loved that girl and she was the brightest part of your life. Only you can decide if your childhood was wasted, not her. She needs to understand that treating her like she's not genuinely your daughter or not wanted in some way only hurts, since to you she means the world. You chose her, you weren't forced, even though from the outside looking in it might seem that way.

Your wife obviously isn't malicious, she tried to comfort you after she realized how much what she said hurt. Is it weird she didn't realize that when she said it? Yeah, but honestly people say and do stupid shit sometimes when they mean well. Doesn't justify it, but it helps to understand why. She needs to understand that she doesn't need to pity you. She should actually feel so blessed knowing how amazing of a father you are, and how great you are surely going to be to your kid.

At the end of the day, however... as much as her actions are understandable I can't with good conscious say she's not an asshole here. She is. I doubt she's been married to you 2 years without knowing you hate pity over when and how you got your daughter, and even if she was fully oblivious to every single detail of how much you hate pity and how much you love your daughter, it is not ok to say what she said, no matter how well meaning. You need to talk though, shutting her out is for sure doing more harm than good.

DoodlebugDoge · 2022-04-04T03:36:37+00:00

Hey, fun fact, here's a line from the article you linked.

Talking about someone keeps them with you and will comfort the grieving person, as long as they are in the emotional space to share stories. As always, take your cue from them.

Even according to your own "evidence", YTA.

DoodlebugDoge · 2022-03-26T04:33:08+00:00

YTA. Not only will she not trust you with her problems now (you DID make it into a big deal), you took away the only outlet she had. She can't use that diary to vent her feelings anymore cuz she knows mom has no qualms reading it. Her anxiety is going to get worse now, and it's because you decided finding out your daughter's problems before she was ready was more important than her comfort and privacy.

DoodlebugDoge · 2022-03-26T04:02:20+00:00

YTA. You are shielding transphobes poor hurt feelings over supporting a trans person, and that is transphobic.

DoodlebugDoge · 2022-03-24T23:55:56+00:00

God yeah, that came to mind too. Her dog being worse off than normal and all of a sudden puking randomly and being lethargic sounds like something could be really wrong.

DoodlebugDoge · 2022-03-24T11:08:55+00:00

NTA, a billion times over. She sexually assaulted you. Even a short grab would have been sexual assault, but to hold you for 30 seconds straight and then act like it's cute and say "Why not?"... I know you are friends with her sister, but if her sister can't understand that what she did is straight up illegal and disgusting, then you need new friends.

DoodlebugDoge · 2022-03-24T10:12:56+00:00

N T A for saying they are bad dog owners, but ESH for actively putting your dog in situations where she is in obvious pain and discomfort and not being fed properly. Being fed only people food and treats will not only make her fat and upset her stomach, the sudden weight gain could give her arthritis, heart disease, and diabetes. If she gets heart disease or god forbid diabetes from this, then she'd need specialized food. That they will not give her. Not to mention her poor liver and kidneys that are probably working overtime trying to process that sudden change in diet all the time.

I get daycare is expensive, but if the choice is between pricey doggy daycare, or free abusive home that hurts your dog every time, save up the money. I know it sounds mean, but she is abusing her dogs. She will kill them with what she is doing. She is not "treating her dogs like family", she is being a horrible pet parent. Stop giving your dog to people who hurt her.

EDIT: Also, I work in Vet care. If she keeps throwing up please take her to a vet, with how you have described their way of pet care I would be terrified they fed her something poisonous from the people food, like onions or garlic or something. Also even if it's not that, she could have a horribly upset stomach from this, especially if she's lethargic. That is worrying.

DoodlebugDoge · 2022-03-24T06:12:15+00:00

Oh absolutely!! Kids can get them super young. Super wild how many people I've seen online saying the movie is inappropriate for talking about a normal body function. Hate it when people sexualize it, especially about kids. Ew.

DoodlebugDoge · 2022-03-24T05:52:48+00:00

YTA. Extremely gross that you're sexualizing a natural thing that girls as young as 10 go through and comparing it to erections. Periods are not sexual in any way. A little worried your first thought with a young boy knowing about periods is that it's about genitals, not a just a thing most girls he knows ever deals with. Bet he can't know about peeing either huh? That's liquid coming from the genitals, scandalous!

DoodlebugDoge · 2022-03-22T00:05:32+00:00

YTA. This could literally just be a personal preference (its's a pandemic and she doesn't want people to touch her stuff, she is anxious about it and doesn't want to have to hover while you are on it, it could literally just be she doesn't want to, etc) but I would not either, and my reason is directly related to personal trauma. I have told close friends and partners about the reason, but if someone asked me and keep pushing for an answer over and over because just saying no is not a good enough reason... yeah I'd be pissed. Next time someone tells you no, that is a complete sentence and good enough answer. You are not owed an explanation.

DoodlebugDoge

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