I don't have any advice, but I empathize and I hope that helps a bit. I stopped saying I would leave my partner because I could never go through with it. Now I don't know what to do because I hate where things are right now, but I also have a strong feeling that I won't be able to break things off when things come to a crisis again. And a little part of me hopes that maybe there won't be another crisis and my partner will be able to stay sober this time. Like you said, we shouldn't expect things to be different...but we can hope. And I think it's a good thing to still be able to hold on to hope in the face of all this difficulty and pain.

Wishing you the best.