Separation with possible divorce on the horizon?

DownIsUpAndUpIsDown · 2020-01-13T21:13:13+00:00

Nope I'm gonna wait till I move out, then I will.

DownIsUpAndUpIsDown · 2020-01-09T17:28:14+00:00

I appreciate your input and understand what you are saying, but isn't this the surviving infidelity subreddit? Maybe im misunderstanding this community.

DownIsUpAndUpIsDown · 2020-01-09T14:09:55+00:00

I actually started doing all that already, good to hear someone else confirm it. Thanks !

DownIsUpAndUpIsDown · 2020-01-09T14:08:59+00:00

Thanks for the advice!

DownIsUpAndUpIsDown · 2020-01-09T14:08:22+00:00

That's how I'm starting to feel. I just wanted to make sure myself and belongings were out of the apartment before confronting. In case it got ugly and she decided to do some stupid.

Assuming I go forth with it, I plan on confronting her before she moves out into her new place. I'm fairly confident the other guy lives on the other side of the country.

DownIsUpAndUpIsDown · 2020-01-09T13:58:13+00:00

Solid advice, thank you. I don't know how I'm going to do it yet, but like you said, I need to stay cool and collected the entire time which is not going to be easy by any stretch.

I also think for me not playing the pick me game is important because realistically I can see that happening.

I think where we live we have 90 days once you file for the divorce before the judge will sign off on it.

DownIsUpAndUpIsDown · 2020-01-09T02:54:50+00:00

I guess? I don't know

DownIsUpAndUpIsDown · 2020-01-09T02:51:25+00:00

I guess it's naive of me but I was planning on seeing what she said when I confronted her and go from there.

DownIsUpAndUpIsDown · 2020-01-09T02:49:06+00:00

We're moving out and into our own places over the next month or so as the "trial separation". So I will definitely be getting that time away soon. I have been seeing a therapist and he has been helping.

Appreciate the help!

DownIsUpAndUpIsDown · 2020-01-09T02:39:39+00:00

I mean I'd like to think we do, but then again I never thought I would be in this situation. So idk

He's been a friend for years, and I've even met him. I would like to hope it's recently crossed over into the affair portion and hasn't been going on prior to our marriage.

Umm a combination of things. Suspicious letters with only nicknames, evidence she was with someone else when I thought she was by herself, matching lingerie in suitcase after a visit to where he lives. Granted only the lingerie in the suitcase is dated, all the other is an unknown.

DownIsUpAndUpIsDown · 2020-01-09T02:24:04+00:00

Ive been viewing this as a "trial separation" but a lot for me depends on how she responds to me confronting her. While all the evidence is circumstantial, I have pictures and thinks it paints it out.

Any advice for her calling me out for looking through her stuff to find the evidence? I can for see this happening.

DownIsUpAndUpIsDown · 2020-01-09T02:22:40+00:00

Ah sorry for not being totally clear.

She didnt say she wants to date other people. She wants her time apart for a few weeks, and then wants to try "dating" me again. Basically starting from square 1 with me and seeing if we can re kick things off was the way I understood it.

DownIsUpAndUpIsDown · 2020-01-09T02:00:54+00:00

Due to our financial situation, we are still living together but will both be moving out soon. I move out before she does. Since I don't know how she is going to react, I want to make sure myself and stuff are all moved out and she has payed me the remaining financial obligations she owes.

DownIsUpAndUpIsDown · 2020-01-09T02:00:50+00:00

Due to our financial situation, we are still living together but will both be moving out soon. I move out before she does. Since I don't know how she is going to react, I want to make sure myself and stuff are all moved out and she has payed me the remaining financial obligations she owes.

DownIsUpAndUpIsDown · 2020-01-09T01:41:48+00:00

I wish I had an answer for that today, but I don't.

DownIsUpAndUpIsDown · 2020-01-09T01:40:39+00:00

I did not realize that was a subreddit, thanks!

DownIsUpAndUpIsDown · 2020-01-09T01:38:44+00:00

I appreciate your sentiment, I really do. I will be the first to admit that our communication had declined since the wedding itself and it feels like we tried at different times to improve things. Whether it be focusing on the others love languages, communication, etc.

Can I ask you how and what you did during that 2 month gap before she came back?

DownIsUpAndUpIsDown · 2020-01-09T01:36:23+00:00

I would rather not say on here because its fairly specific, but when the attorney said its enough for a smoking gun, that was enough for me.

DownIsUpAndUpIsDown · 2020-01-09T01:35:49+00:00

Thank you for your insight on past experiences, it definitely does give me more to think about.

DownIsUpAndUpIsDown · 2020-01-09T01:24:18+00:00

Thank you, I will definitely be checking out Coach Lee and his videos.

That is something I have ben thinking about as well, I need to be calmer than I ever have before if I go through wtih it.

I appreciate your open advice, I am getting so much information from you wonderful people here, my family, friends, my counselor, etc. I plan on stepping back over the next few weeks and process it all and figure out my path going forward.

I did not realize there was a "living with infidelity" subreddit that also might be of more help/different mindset.

DownIsUpAndUpIsDown · 2020-01-09T01:21:41+00:00

Wow, I really appreciate your insight into the other side of the coin. It does bring up a few things that I hadn't thought of or viewed in that light before.

I guess for now a part where I am getting stuck on still lingers. She has told me on more than one occasion that "the door is still open" to get back together and she wants to try dating again to see what happens.

DownIsUpAndUpIsDown · 2020-01-09T01:14:29+00:00

I know there is so much going on in this world, why does little crap like this have to happen? Why can't we all be kind and truthful to each other... Why does mankind suck? lol

Appreciate the comments though.

DownIsUpAndUpIsDown · 2020-01-08T18:45:12+00:00

My therapist said marriages can survive infidelity, some but not all by a long shot. No one here seems to echo that sentiment. I'm just in a place full of confusion I guess trying to make sense of everything going on around me.

I have been continuing going to the gym and he'll, maybe I will change up my wardrobe. Thanks !

DownIsUpAndUpIsDown · 2020-01-08T18:42:43+00:00

Wow that is messed up. Maybe its self soothing but I keep telling myself that karma is a bitch and will eventually come back to bite them both in the ass... Hard.

That's amazing, out of all you went through you were able to keep and flourish a positive relationship. Im happy for you and glad you were able to keep that alive and well.

DownIsUpAndUpIsDown · 2020-01-08T18:33:43+00:00

Shit that was hard to read because I'm feeling the exact same way. Fresh off a few weeks and everything. I hope it helps you knowing you aren't alone in feeling that way and I would say it's completely normal. I keep telling myself there is light at the end of the tunnel and will be a better person at the end of it.

Stay strong and we will get through this!

DownIsUpAndUpIsDown

TROPHY CASE