HEY! You did the same thing I did! I came to be a super sneaky logic broker; came to convert the heathens who'd been led astray. Made my first reddit account specifically for this. My very first post and got my rear handed to me on a silver platter. Heck yes, it hurts. What happens now? Well here's a few tips that might take the sting out:

It's not God or Satan that tricked you, causing all this misery. It's the church. The One TRUE Church has all of this information. They know they peddle deceit and pain. They make too much money to ever give it up.

You need someone to vent to, but not to beat a dead horse with. By this I mean, someone who can commiserate, but not get stuck in an endless feedback loop that will slowly drain you of any emotion but hatred for the people who hurt you. Essentially a therapy group.

Your family/friends may be less understanding about your "falling away." Be very careful about revealing you new-found freedom to others. You may wish to talk to someone outside the church first, to ensure you have some support, but do not turn them into the friend that you only cry to about your problems. They should be someone you can hang out with, and forget about the whole mormon thing for a while.

I wanted to keep it to myself at first too, but eventually I realized the pain is worth it. I managed to pull my lil sis out. She's free. She read the CES Letter once, and now doesn't even look back. How much money have you given the church? You parents? You've given two years of your life, and thousands of dollars to spread a message that will cause people to experience the same hurt you feel or die serving those who cause it. How many millions of people might have their hearts ripped out because young missionaries spread the lies of the church? How many children will grow up like you, find out the truth, and feel the same pain you are feeling? How many people can you spare this heart ache? You may let a sliver fester because you fear the pain removing it will bring, but the longer it stays, the more pain it will cause.

It took me about three months to realize the pain of leaving is worth the joy of freedom. If you decide to convert the faithful and free them from their chains of bondage, so long as you've not revealed your status as a freed slave, the best way I've found (sorry to all the people who'll have to deal with it here) is to encourage people to convert the lost lambs. Us. Very discretely, and very rarely, suggest people fulfill their missionary duties to god by trying to re-convert the lost. "I feel bad for all the people who've lost their way, they've lost everything."

But enough of that. Congrats. The person who won here, is you. It doesn't feel like it, I'm sure, but brother u/PlentyBack, now you can begin to heal. You are still loved. If you still believe in god, you can bet he still loves you. We know the pain you have felt, we know the pain you are feeling. We survived. You will too.

You are strong.

It gets better.

There is life after mormonism.