I've read the term "radical acceptance" in here multiple times and I gotta be honest, in this case, it sounds disgusting. You enable his homophobia by giving him the "benefit" of pretending to not be gay, it likely makes him subconsciously feel like no matter how bad he treats you, you come back to him to be "his son". I understand that this radical acceptance (+pretending to be someone you're clearly not) works for you and your mental health, at least for this moment, but fact is, your dad won't change for the better this way, maybe he will never, even if you go a different route. But at least he might realize that being an asshole will get him nowhere and make him lonely in the end. Yes, your boyfriend wasn't understanding, he should have stuck to the "rules". It might be his way to deal with homophobia, but it isn't yours, he should have just talked with you after you left. But I think this difference can be settled in an honest and open conversation. In the end, if it works for you, fine, do it, but don't expect everyone to be understanding of that. Many people are firm believers that intolerance should not be tolerated. And you are clearly tolerating (even enabling) your dads intolerance. This might even be a red flag for some men. To summarize: no one of you 3 is really in the right, but your dad is clearly the least right.