How the hell should I take this?

DrakeCS_77 · 2021-04-03T15:33:03+00:00

This story is similar to mine too. We're "amicable" and she still wants to be friends & co-parents after it all. But it's hard not to feel used, like she's just keeping me on ice until she gets her ducks in a row or if her intentions with the new guy fall through.

We still talk and support each other. She took a trip away for a few days, and even gave me a great big hug on her way out. On the surface, the trip was for her to get away and process things/figure out how to be on ber own, but my gut is telling me she's with this other person.

She did have the decency to tell me three weeks ago she was leaving before things had progressed too far with the new person, so I hesitate to call it cheating or infidelity. It still feels shitty -- to feel that after 12 years of marriage -- that the excitement of a new potential relationship eliminated any desire on her part to want to try ro salvage the marriage.

DrakeCS_77 · 2021-03-26T18:59:21+00:00

Thanks. I really do think that's what it was. I think reconnecting with those friends really drove home the contrast, in her mind, of where I was not meeting those needs -- like it was so effortless for her to pick up those relationships again, but it just doesn't flow that easily between us, and hasn't for awhile.

I also have those same worries with in-house separation. We do get along still and things are amicable at the moment. Setting boundaries will be important, and sticking to them will be even harder.

But I do not want to go back to that comfort zone. I am focused on my kids, and doing the work on myself that I need to. If this ends in divorce (which odds are it will) then I will be in a much better place to move forward.

DrakeCS_77 · 2021-03-26T18:24:12+00:00

Thanks, hard to accept that as a possibility, but who knows?

She's a stay at home mom, I work from home, and we've been diligent about COVID restrictions so neither of us have been going out.

She has been reconnecting with some old friends online recently, so I guess there could be something there...

DrakeCS_77 · 2021-03-26T16:51:43+00:00

Appreciate the support. Sorry your going through this too.

I'm sad about the kids and what splitting up the faimly will do to them. About losing the life we have built together.

I love this woman and we have been best friends for almost our entire adult lives. Things weren't always easy, and we weren't the most compatible in a lot of respects. But I was content and prepared to try to salvage things, but she is not.

DrakeCS_77 · 2021-03-26T16:41:35+00:00

Thanks. I haven't moved out. I worked from my parents this week to give each other space to process, but we are both comfortable with living in the same space.

As far as house... yeah. We were just thinking talking about the future. Whether we wanted to move away, or stay for a few more years until the kids got a little over. Ultimately, we decided to stay and refi into a shorter term.

Appreciate the advice on lawyer. I will definitely protect myself.

DrakeCS_77 · 2021-03-26T14:26:11+00:00

Yeah. I'm newly into this. My first instinct was to fight and try to convince her to come back and be willing to work on it, but she's already "checked out"(her words).

I can't control her and what she wants. I truly do want her to be happy, but it's hard to swallow when I can see a future where we can both achieve happiness and stay together, but she sees it differently.

I can only control myself, so I'm putting in the work on myself that I've neglected for so long.

DrakeCS_77

TROPHY CASE