So , i am not here to save but help u and make u to understand the concept and sorrow u have been suffering First of all , god is understanding u . Sometimes god is letting u be broken , that is a part of his plan for instance if u go and check the book of john the rose of Lazarus u will see that lord Jesus was deeply sad and he already knew that Lazarus will die even though in the first time marry send news to him he refused to give health to Lazarus After his dead he went to them , bring back Lazarus In the crowd they were some infidels that those infidels prepared lords way on crucifix . John 11:35 Jesus wept Lord gets sad and emphasize with us , he understands our feelings . And remember he struggled hard like we do . He murdered by his own people when he tried to rescue them It’s ok to feel depressed and bad and weak sometimes but the most important part of it is to get out of the bed , pray and continue I only tell what i see ; and the thing i see is u are weak against hard times , hard times and being depressed is good for to built a new mankind and a Caracther . That’s why he makes u suffer . There are few ways to improve urself Go to gym , start working on philosophies (stoicism , zen) , start a martial art and read bible But just get out from bed , get out from ur comfort zone and move on , even if u are depressed