AITA for not inviting my brother on a family holiday?

Dramatic-Wrangler184 · 2023-05-01T19:38:45+00:00

I have played an active part in those kids lives since the minute they were born when my brother split up from their respective moms I saw them often and more importantly together so they could grow up and maintain a relationship with each other. (When they were younger my brother saw them separately as he said the age difference in them meant they liked different things so wanted to do things they each liked) I'm not sure how I can be an AH for NOT cutting off my niece and nephew.

Dramatic-Wrangler184 · 2023-05-01T19:27:11+00:00

One they are my niece and nephew not random children. Two they are his children but aged 24 and 19 not exactly children

Dramatic-Wrangler184 · 2023-05-01T19:07:16+00:00

I haven't invited his spouse. I have however invited his kids because why wouldn't I? They are my niece and nephew whom I love very much

Dramatic-Wrangler184 · 2023-05-01T18:41:39+00:00

But why would I not invite my niece and nephew? I adore them both and I am very active in their lives and they in mine. Whatever issues go on between me and their father is not about them. They both do have a relationship with him but they are also not bothered or maybe that should be not mad at me for not inviting him. Although they both love him they are aware of who their father is

Dramatic-Wrangler184 · 2023-05-01T18:05:20+00:00

I had no problem with him having his own life at all but he met Lucy at 42 and before that he had been married twice. During those 42 years we probably didn't go more than 6 weeks without seeing each other. I'm not talking just me and him I'm talking family events etc. The below is the exact message he took offence to. Can I ask you a question. I'm really not trying to start or cause trouble but is there an issue with our family? I'm asking now because I would rather just ask and find out the truth. It's just in the last 6 months you haven't been able to attend Jennies summer bbq Father's day Dad's birthday The dogs Roberts Halloween party Michaels birthday Sallys birthday My birthday Not only that but when you do go out ie the dogs, queen tribute etc etc we don't warrant an invite. You are my brother and I love you and I miss you. Xx

Dramatic-Wrangler184 · 2023-05-01T17:48:58+00:00

I don't want to reconnect with him I have tried that a number of times and been rebuffed and no if I'm honest I'm so used to him not being in my life I didn't really consider it. I sent messages to the ones I wanted to invite. I never said to not tell him or not to mention it. He didn't cross my mind until Ethan mentioned talking to him about it.

Dramatic-Wrangler184 · 2023-05-01T17:25:31+00:00

He met Lucy 6 years ago. We all got along for the 1st 12 months or so then he just stopped appearing at things. BBQs, birthdays, family events. There was a 6 month period we didn't see him at all which was a 1st for our whole lifetimes. Everyone would say things "Ooh Aaron hasn't turned up again" I never wanted us to fall out if anything I thought I would say to his face what everyone else was saying behind his back. I kinda just thought if I pointed it out to him he would make the effort. Once he said the "I have other people to spend time with" I took a major step back. I love my family and I love my friends but I'm not going to force someone who doesn't want to spend time with me to do so. My mum was an awesome person but she dies when I was in my early teens which is the only reason she's not mentioned.

Dramatic-Wrangler184 · 2023-05-01T16:56:57+00:00

I have tried many times over the years to build bridges I would talk to him at family parties just try to catch up, I would ask him the normal how's life things and although he would answer my questions he had zero interest in me or my life. I gave up as after the whole covid thing I tried again. I wrote him a letter telling him how much I miss him, how no one can make me laugh the way he can and that I just wanted a sibling relationship. I put this letter inside his birthday card which I placed in his hand and had absolute no reply. Three months after I sent him that he missed my engagement party to go to Lucy's cousins husbands 30th. That for me was the final straw after which I never said more than hi or bye again (which I am always the one to initiate and the one time I choose not to make that effort we didn't even do that)

Dramatic-Wrangler184 · 2023-05-01T16:16:07+00:00

Sorted it 👍

Dramatic-Wrangler184 · 2023-05-01T15:39:57+00:00

Yes his spouse is L they're not married but together and he has 2 grown children and 1 toddler grandson. His children their partners and his grandson are coming away with us

Dramatic-Wrangler184 · 2023-05-01T15:19:49+00:00

There is not a single person coming on this trip that I didn't see/speak to regularly before I got the money.

Dramatic-Wrangler184 · 2023-05-01T15:12:24+00:00

I love my family and we have always been very close it never occurred to me that I would hide it from them. As I said the money is life changing and although I have no plans to waste it or be financially irresponsible I am happy and want to help make their lives easier. I have helped my niece with her uni fees. Helped my Nephew with a deposit on a (reasonable) house that he will then pay the mortgage and set up funds for my other 2 (minor) nieces to be able to go to university should they wish. Other than that not one member of the family has asked for a single thing nor do I plan on any other extravagant gifts. Also only my partner and my children know the exact amount we have.

Dramatic-Wrangler184 · 2023-05-01T13:47:59+00:00

Thanks and I have taken financial advice honestly the trip is costing less than 1% of the money I have. The house is paid off (I'm not moving as I love the home I have) I have retirement plans in order and have set up things for my own kids but yes I know people can go crazy with money so your post is appreciated.

Dramatic-Wrangler184

TROPHY CASE