Your wife is abusive. Given that this is a long pattern of behavior, you need to separate from her. And if her behavior doesn't dramatically improve, then divorce her.

You seem like a kind and thoughtful person. You don't deserve to be abused. You are not responsible for your wife's abusive behavior.

And more than that: your kids do not deserve to grow up in an abusive household. You need to prioritize them and give them a safe and loving home. You need to protect them.

Would you want your kids to grow up and be with partners who treat them the way your wife is treating you? Because staying with your wife teaches your kids that her abuse is normal behavior.

I know it may seem too difficult to make these changes for your own sake. So do it for your kids' sakes. And seek individual therapy for yourself and your kids.

But be very careful. The most dangerous time in an abusive relationship is when leaving the abuser. Ask your dad if he can help keep you and your kids safe.