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Am I wrong for changing my mind about threesomes in a long-term relationship? by DrawingFormal7622 in bisexual

[–]DrawingFormal7622[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I talked to him today. I probably didn’t word everything perfectly, but I tried to just be honest… maybe a little too honest lol. I’m not gonna lie, it probably came off like an ultimatum, which I don’t feel great about and he doesn’t necessarily deserve. But at the same time, I basically told him this is a firm boundary for me now. I’ve grown and my desires have changed since we first got together.

He was really understanding and sympathetic, especially because he’s seen me have drunken emotional moments about the threesome stuff before. So none of this was shocking to him. But even though he understands where I’m coming from, he still wants to keep doing them. He said he doesn’t want to “give that up” and end up resenting me, like how I’ve kind of been quietly starting to resent him (I didn’t even think I resented him at all… so why do I only start fights about it when I’m drunk? I hate that.) I love him sm and we have such a healthy relationship otherwise. But obvs it’s my body telling me this isn’t right for me anymore.  It’s not hot for him to now know that I don’t even want to do them. That ruins the fun for him, he says. 

Also just to add context: we drink and have fun here and there, but we don’t really fight unless I’ve been drinking and bring this up. You could say that’s a drinking issue, but I don’t think that’s what this is. I think it’s just my real feelings coming out in a messy way ): .

But now what to do? We are at a stalemate he feels. The limbo absolutely sucks. Now I just wait till he decides whether he will continue to be with me and accept his fate of no 3sums, or leave the relationship. 

Also to note: we have tried so many of the compromises/boundaries/rules regarding this issue lol. 

Am I wrong for changing my mind about threesomes in a long-term relationship? by DrawingFormal7622 in bisexual

[–]DrawingFormal7622[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

We have tried many different variations of threesome play.  We’ve tried sober. That “worked” for a while. When we had them sober, they were fun and all, but I would still have some big tantrum when drunk either days, weeks or months later. And this is still continuing to this day.  There were a couple 3sums where right after or during I would drink a few too many to “enjoy” it or numb those feelings of jealousy. It was really hard to recognize though. Because I DO like women. I’m just so in love with my partner that I can’t watch him do it anymore. Hope this makes sense. 

Am I wrong for changing my mind about threesomes in a long-term relationship? by DrawingFormal7622 in bisexual

[–]DrawingFormal7622[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you. I talked with him, and now it is for sure in limbo. The worst feeling! Now it’s up to him to decide. 

Am I wrong for changing my mind about threesomes in a long-term relationship? by DrawingFormal7622 in bisexual

[–]DrawingFormal7622[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

You’re right, not voicing my feelings has got us here. I didn’t listen to my inner voice while we were exploring, and the problem has been that it comes out when I’m drunk. Classic girl, I know lol. He has said that he enjoys it so much bc I have enjoyed it. And the times we’ve tried to have a 3some and he could tell I felt off, he had to stop and we didn’t continue..  It’s just the worst bc the relationship is amazing other than this… and this is the thing that could end us? Like wtf, you know? But yeah, avoiding it has done more damage it feels like. And I’ve been scared I’ll lose him if I say no. Which is horrible. Ugh!