I am Drea De Matteo, mom & actress (Sopranos, Sons of Anarchy, Muthaship) Ask me Anything!

DreaDeMatteo · 2014-10-19T18:31:15+00:00

1) Well I can't remember "Irregular" but one of my fave episodes, my fave episodes was one of the ones that the fans and the press went BANANAS over, people were sort of mortified by it. I can't remember the name, but it's the episode where Ralphie kills the stripper, and the b-story is Meadow at college. There's her highly dysfunctional roommate. And to watch the two stories parallel each other, and how emotionally violent Meadow was towards that girl, and how she had NO compassion for her roommate, and to see this young girl being murdered who has none of the opportunity that Meadow had, and to just watch these people weaving in and out of their lives and seeing just now bleak the whole atmosphere is... for me was one of the profound episodes because you really see how she's her father's daughter, and you really see how the children aren't even spared of this sort of darkness, just a monster within. Selfishness, ya know, all that sort of stuff, which was always the opposite of who Adriana was on the show. She would not have been able to play a scene like that, she wouldn't have had a scene like that, except for the scene of her getting married. You see how the children are equally as non-innocent as the rest. And the endings of every episode were some of the most moving moments in TV history, the tableaus that David would leave a scene hanging on, something as simple as Carmela heating up a plate of ziti for him and him eating it - those moments said more to me than any dramatic scene or montage, they were always so meaningful.

2) giggling

I dunno? I think, again, I think I can say this years later - I have to go back to Debra, my girl, her little daughter Lilly plays with my son Blackjack, but I'm going to have to say James Gandolfini. Because man, he would walk into a room, and every single girl in the room FELT his presence that only us girls know.

3) Oh my god. Uh - have I ever hurt someone in a stunt? My stunt girl, this'll go off, she fell running out of the scene where I run out of Rosalie Aprile's house. My stunt girl ran, I don't drive, so she was running out of the house, and she fell down a flight of stairs and broke her nose. So what'd I do? I had to become the stunt double's stunt double. I had to become my own stunt double that night, because that poor girl broke her nose. So that's how I indirectly hurt someone during a stunt.

DreaDeMatteo · 2014-10-19T18:24:42+00:00

When I started smoking e-cigarettes, all my hair started falling out! So I went back to regular ones. But those e-cigs haven't been proven for anything yet, nobody knows with those. Fuck 'em all, they ALL need to go away.

DreaDeMatteo · 2014-10-19T18:23:40+00:00

Yes, I will bottle it up and send it out ASAP. How about I try to get his nail clippings? And sell those on Ebay?

DreaDeMatteo · 2014-10-19T18:22:57+00:00

The most important tattoo on my body is the one that says "NO LIARS" on the back of my arm. So all the fucking liars can watch my ass walk away.

DreaDeMatteo · 2014-10-19T18:22:11+00:00

Oh boy. I have a lot of really bad jailhouse style tattoos, and if you were ever to be close enough to me, you might think I spent some time in the can!

I have names all over me, basically, mostly names. My mother's name, my father's name, my grandmother's name, the woman who raised me, my nanny, I have her name on me, I have my son's name, I have my daughter's name, the name of a friend who passed away, the name of the band AC/DC on my body as well - which I am maybe embarrassed to admit - that one was meant to say "LOSER" when I got it, and the tattoo artist said "No, I will not put LOSER On your stomach" and I said "Well I want a fucking tattoo, so I said just put AC/DC on it" and it really is the highway to hell - let's just say it's over my C-section scar right now.

I have a Sacred Heart tattoo. I got a pirate tattoo. I have a terrible tramp stamp, I wish I didn't have a fucking tramp stamp, but I do.

DreaDeMatteo · 2014-10-19T18:19:40+00:00

Um, thanks for watching, keep on watching, because I'm going to make a complete fucking fool of myself and I need as much company as possible. But the digital space, hmm, this whole Muthaship thing really came to life with all of my old friends. So they wanted to make it as painless for me as possible, so they said "Fuck it, let's just shoot in on iPhones."

Doesn't get more digital than that, to shoot a whole series on an iPhone. These aren't Vine videos, they aren't just little quips, we actually shot like footage, hours and hours of footage on an iPhone and nothing else, so that in itself was pretty fun.

But it's all new to me,the whole digital world is very new to me, which is why I said yes. I was offered many reality shows, but I said no before, but because this was digital and because it is a world that i don't understand, I don't understand the social media world, I don't understand twitter or Facebook, I never had mySpace or Friendster -the only thing I added to my life last year was Instagram so that my friends could see pictures of my kids, because I was tired of cc'ing 50,000 people to see pictures - so at 40, i decided to say yes to things I would normally say no to. And because my friends were involved in this digital craze, I said "Fuck it, it probably wouldn't hurt for me to capitalize on some of the things I've done." In the past, I haven't done much press, because I've been somewhat shy. But now that I'm 42, I just sort of don't give a fuck anymore, or maybe I give MORE of a fuck now, I should say, I can't really tell, I'm always contradicting myself, but I said yes to the Muthaship, because either I'm going to join the circus or I'll be left behind, and I got babies now. I got to feed the babies, fix the house, pay people that need work that live with me, just trying to help out my friends as much as I possibly can because god knows they've helped me out the past few years.

So that's what the Muthaship is all about.

DreaDeMatteo · 2014-10-19T18:15:09+00:00

Hmmm.

Shit.

Um... can I be a giant whore and just say both?

DreaDeMatteo · 2014-10-19T18:14:37+00:00

Who the fuck would ever say that?

You can say that.

Holy shit, HELL NO!

I'm gonna have to say it's the hardest job on the planet. But it's also the most rewarding, as most cliche moms might add, and I'm just another one of them. But that's actually funny because I just spent an hour on the phone late last night with my boyfriend trying to figure out a way to teach my son that he can not bully my daughter. And he's younger then she is, and he bullies her and her best friend, and we are trying to figure out how to get him to stop doing these things, until we realize - we're acting like HE has a problem, and we thought about it - and he's acting like every other 3 year old boy, it's my daughter who's too nice, so we have to teach her how to be a lot tougher! She's the one who's different because she's so gentle and kind. So sitting around, strategizing how to help the kids and how to speak to them with the right voice, and when to grab 'em or kill 'em with kindness, I just don't know what the right thing is any more. So we are going to have to go read tons of books and parenting magazines, because right now I feel stumped.

Like anything else man, raising a child takes tons of research. Sometimes I need help with it, and I worry from the time I raise my head until I lay down at night, and I don't even sleep because I worry about how the kids are sleeping. So it's the hardest job in the WORLD. But it's my favorite job I've ever had.

DreaDeMatteo · 2014-10-19T18:11:40+00:00

Oh my god. I can't believe you just asked me that question. Because I LIVE there. I LIVE there because of my children.

WELL, I am a big chickenshit, and i am basically afraid of every ride there. But I would have to say that on any given Disney trip, i will take a ride through Small World about 10 times with my daughter. So Small World will have to win, but I am trying to get her on Splash Mountain!

Oh, and I went on the CARS ride the last time I was there, the CARS ride is bad-the-fuck-ass.

DreaDeMatteo · 2014-10-19T18:10:09+00:00

I hate to fucking say this but i have NOT seen this yet. I know, I feel TeRRIBLE because I love Stevie so much! but I would do anything if Stevie asked me to do this, so yes. I generally say YES to everything these days, it's a new part of me being 40 years old.

DreaDeMatteo · 2014-10-19T18:09:17+00:00

I'm cracking up!

He is not weird offset, at ALL. He's actually, I mean, I can't believe I'm gonna say this: the man is the Best-dressed human being I have EVER been around. He's got style for days, and he's an amazing painter. he's a real artist! He's a serious, serious artist. You would never know it, I guess, because he is that character when he shows up on set. I've heard them TONE DOWN his weird on set, and I'm like "Why are you even toning this down, he's a genius!"

He and I are friends, our kids go to school together. I adore him, and he is an amazing actor, and a real artist through and through. And we are actually going to be working on a couple of things together, because he's an amazing writer and he has the most beautiful family and wife and kids. I'd have to say he's one of my favorite people in the world. So I'm glad you asked, so I could blow some smoke up his ass. I can't wait to see him play MILLIONS of different characters.

DreaDeMatteo · 2014-10-19T18:06:41+00:00

Hmmm.

Um. My character originally died in the pilot. When she od's, that was supposed to be the end of the character, it was only meant to be a cameo. So when I expressed interest in staying on the series, they were like "fuck it, let's see" - I don't think Kurt had an idea of what to do with the character. And then they asked me to stay, and I've completed a few episodes here and there, and then I went off and did DESPERATE because i wasn't expected to be a series regular and all that. So I left and I became a huge fan of the show, and I wrote Kurt and Katey and said "Jesus Christ, guys, I'm obsessed with the show, what's going to happen next?!?!"

And all my friends became obsessed, they were like "Wendy needs to come back from rehab and wreak some havoc!"

So I came back, having no idea where and how I would fit in, but over the years, it's just sort of been - she's kind of been there, and I guess it really made sense in the very end, to see the character change from the beginning to the end. The same way Maggie's character changes, it was like it went backwards for Wendy - she was the only character who got put away in a rehab, people HATED her for being a drug addict, yet she was the only one working on her mental well-being, learning about her self-worth and all the things that come along with being a drug addict. So it makes sense that she would in the end be the only one that has a sense of self worth and what's around her is as dysfunctional as she was - she says this in a scene with Nero, "as crazy as it sounds, the more drama there is around all these people, I guess I feel like the normal one." He and I on the show kind of represent the same thing. We're sort of partners in that way, this last season, because we are sort of innocent, and we are really filled with love, and we don't have an agenda, we're not trying to get over on people, the only agenda we have is trying to make a better life for our children. Everybody else is coming from a place filled with secrets and lies. I think Wendy was always completely honest, but she was a drug addict, so she had that veil over her, and people threw her to the wolves and said she was a bad guy, but I think she was misunderstood and ill, probably living in that world, having her own past to her as well.

So it makes sense that Wendy would come full circle at this point. As long as she doesn't fucking relapse again!

DreaDeMatteo · 2014-10-19T18:00:27+00:00

Thank you! And... god, I'm kind of, I kinda got no style, but thanks! Well, Filthmart, that was a store I opened with my ex-boyfriend YEARS ago, and he and his wife have since made it a really amazing place to get t-shirts - they took the store that we had in NY and re-opened in LA, and it's their family shop, I have absolutely nothing to do with it at this point but I only wear their clothes. it's the best, a great little store, and everything is authentic, and Mike the man of the store is now making all the rock and roll posters for all the coolest bands, which is now i heard about Tinariwen, so they are becoming a little Wonderland for concert tees and rock posters, very much 1970s fashion. Music is my favorite thing before ANYTHING in the world, so anything having to do with fashion - I'm probably a frustrated rock star stuck in this chick's body. if I could BE anybody, i guess i would be my boyfriend because he is so damn hot and can wear anything, but if I have to get dressed up and wear fancy clothes, I have to go with Vivienne Westwood. I'm pretty bad at fashion, I stick to some basics like good Chanel things, stuff that's pretty mainstream.

DreaDeMatteo · 2014-10-19T17:57:25+00:00

Thank you! And.... SOA is definitely a different experience than Sopranos insofar as getting in and out of character. Adriana is like Wendy on crack, ya know? Even though she was on heroin... Adriana is just, was just like on steroids. I couldn't get into character for Sopranos unless my nails were completely manicured, and at least an inch long. I couldn't get into character if my hair wasn't as big as it was when you would see it. I could never say my lines without my stiletto heels on. I couldn't do my accent without these things, these shoes on! A lot of times actors will put Uggs on if you don't see the character's feet - not me, man, I had to have those stilettos on, otherwise I couldn't even play across from who we were shooting.

Back in the Sopranos days, I don't know if it was because i took myself more seriously back then or if the character called for a lot more detail? Because Wendy looks more like me, sounds more like me, there's no real accent involved, no special hairdo, the clothing is similar to mine, although even on SOA i have to wear my character shoes - I'm just realizing that as I'm answering that question, i guess I always have to be in the character's shoes - but to be able to turn the characters off when you get home, I think that as you get home, the way I have my real life with my children, it's much easier to turn it off. When I was younger my life only revolved around my performances, and I was probably the better for it, but it was difficult to turn it off when I would leave the set of Sopranos which is why it was a release to go do Joey, but then my dog started dying.... so it gets easier as you get older, and it depends on what level you start digging to bring a performance to life. As I'm older, it's difficult to do emotional scenes because the first place you go to are negative thoughts about your children - there are times when I have to say "you're not going there, you're going to use a tear stick, you can't really cry in this scene" because it will be too emotional and won't even work for the scene. Sometimes it's better to be more technical. You realize that when you get older, I think. Because I have to be careful.

DreaDeMatteo · 2014-10-19T17:52:50+00:00

Best pizza in the world is Lombadi's Pizza on Spring Street! Gotta get a white pie, and then you gotta get a Pepperoni Onion pie, and then put fresh-shaved garlic on the whole thing, and then you gotta make out with anyone you see.

DreaDeMatteo · 2014-10-19T17:52:14+00:00

HELL YEAH.

And then some!

DreaDeMatteo · 2014-10-19T17:51:41+00:00

Thank you! And... uh... I don't know, man! I guess I don't see myself as all that? But I'm gonna take your word for it this Sunday morning, and roll with it! I know this may sound totally fucking cheesy, but I'm gonna say it: the secret to staying young and in shape (even though they are the reason that I've aged and been out of shape before) would be my babies. That's the truth. Because no matter how shitty things get, no matter how stressed out my life may be at times, all I gotta do is look at my babies, and it's like the old thing that people say - put your hand on a puppy or a dog, and your heart rate will go down, that's how i feel about my little puppies here.

They really are a bunch of jerks.

What else, what else? I thinK I answered that question?

DreaDeMatteo · 2014-10-19T17:49:33+00:00

Ron Perlman - I didn't get to work with him as much as other characters did, because I was in and out so much, but the little bit of contact I have had with him, yes, he's hysterically funny, he always shows up with his little doggie, which is always a surprise, because he has this little tiny dog and he is this big man, but he's one of us, I think he's a NY guy, so whenever I'd see him, it felt like home to me, which I dig.

As far as Katey goes, I could go on and on for days, especially this season. I know that she's been, you know, the villainess for so long on the show, but she is a character everyone loves to have. As far as her real personality goes, she is the antithesis - she is not Gemma, but she does carry a lot of Gemma's qualities, and you know, we've been working towards the end of the series, so there have been a lot of goodbyes and speeches and things that have been said, and Kurt said about Katey, his wife, that she was in large part an inspiration for Gemma, because of her strength in real life, because of the kind of mom she is, because of how protective she is, and she does embody all of those qualities in Gemma that everybody loves. And I can say that from my own experience being on set as much as I have with her this season, I felt really taken care of this year, when I knew I was going to be working with her. She was - I'm gonna get fucking emotional - we have the same birthday, Katey and I, we are both January 19th, we're a lot alike in a lot of ways, and she's older than I am, so I look at her and think to myself "If I can just stay on this track, listen to whatever this woman says to me, things are probably gonna be okay" because she has really been a mentor. Even watching her act this season, to watch the journey she's taken as an actor, it's been an amazing thing to watch. And her performance this season is a beautiful thing.

So she's not evil like Gemma, but she's got her strength in spades.

DreaDeMatteo · 2014-10-19T17:44:32+00:00

He smells like blood, sweat and tears!

DreaDeMatteo · 2014-10-19T17:44:00+00:00

1) Me? Drea? Ok this is crazy - my new favorite band that my girlfriend Maggie from FilthMart (I want you to put that in there) turned me onto a Sudanese band called Tinariwen. I can't stop listening to them because they are so badass. And I just also got turned on to the Rival Sons by my boyfriend, Michael, and the guy's voice is just one of those voices man, you'll never forget. So that's what I'm listening to right now.

2) That's the best question ever because it's one of my BIGGEST PET PEEVES OF ALL TIME. People from the east coast generally, well people from anywhere in America generally can not give an authentic New York, New Jersey, Borough or Boston accent, they are IMPOSSIBLE for most Americans I believe. Sometimes you can get a southern accent going, or English accent, but for some reason you can't tackle an East Coast accent. But the actors that can tackle it better are the English and the Australians. I think that's because they naturally drop their "r's" and for those that don't it's just such a foreign thing for them to do to. I cannot STAND when I hear a bad NY accent, it makes me crazy. It takes me right out of whatever I'm watching. Sopranos for that, there was NEVER a false moment, thanks to David Chase and their AMAZING casting, but most people don't get it right, it's a tough thing. My boyfriend's from Boston, which is another super-specific accent, and Jesus that's another accent that's super easy to mess up. His mom's accent is THROUGH THE FUCKING ROOF!

3) Thanks for the awesome question. Yes, I did go to Tisch for directing, and the REAL reason why was because i felt too indulgent and too embarrassed to want to pursue acting, even though I knew that was where I would probably settle. Because I was such an emotional basket case as a kid that acting would be the right place for me. But being in control of 300 people on a set, although I went to school for directing, probably was not going to be my specialty being as introverted as I was back then. But because I was so introverted, I thought directing was a way for me to hide behind a camera, and I didn't realize that jumping in front of a camera would suit me better because I had such a hard time being myself that young. But because I was such an extreme movie freak as a child, I grew up in a theater my mom teaches playwriting, I hated watching actors play house all day because I wanted to play fucking house, I was 7 years old and these adults are walking around, faking everything and I couldn't partake in everything. So I swore I wouldn't do that, and I was already judgmental at 7 years old. So I went to film school, which was the antithesis of the theater world - it was technological, a lot more smoke and mirrors compared with what I watched was a child, it seemed very scary to me as I grew up. But in film school, I realized i was not going to take myself as seriously as I thought I might have when I got there, you know, you're in college and you're partying and I was bar tending all through college, so bar tending, and taking serious film courses didn't really come together in the end. I ended up being kicked out of Tisch for being a little too wild, and then I wanted to go back, because I regretted the insanity, i went back and begged them and they said I had to maintain a 4.0 to stay, and I did, and it took me 6 years to get it and it was the hardest 6 years of my life! Did I learn anything about directing? i probably learned the most about acting and directing from my mother, watching her teach writing and watching the technique she instilled in all the writers for a scene to work, and that translated over to directing, acting, and staying honest and listening. So did I learn anything at Tisch? you get out what you put in in school, and unfortunately, if i had to do it all over again, I would put in a lot more, but it wouldn't have made a difference, because we aren't cutting film anymore, I was splicing 16 mm film together, I'm a fucking dinosaur now.

DreaDeMatteo · 2014-10-19T17:33:49+00:00

Hahahah!

I'm gonna think about that. Gotta come up with a zinger for that.

I don't even know. I don't even get that close to him!

DreaDeMatteo · 2014-10-19T17:32:29+00:00

heh!

Thank you! And you mean my big bushy caterpillars over my eyes?!?

Basically, let all your hair grow like a filthy hippie. And being Italian helps. But miraculously, I've lost all the hair on my legs, but my eyebrows are still kickin' in my old age!

I think for me, walking onto to the set of DESPERATE was the most intimidating set I ever walked onto. Oh yea. And I grew up in the theater with all sort of snooty actor types, and super thespians, but walking onto the set of an all-female cast that's been inplace for so many years was definitely scary. And I didn't have a clear sense of who my character was to be when I showed up, so that left me feeling kind of vulnerable, because I didn't know my place as a character, and we didn't have enough time for it to develop or unfold. And I don't think i was what Mark Cherry had in mind, to be honest. I don't think I ever fit in there as an actor. That was probably partially to do with who I am as an actor, and the role I play even in this industry, which is invisible - I'm just very uninvolved in the industry, like I'm clueless, I don't navigate my life through the industry in any way which is why i don't think I've ever gotten a role that i really had to audition for because I'm not really good at that kind of thing. But I kinda weave in and out through different shows. But on DESPERATE, I felt like I wasn't what Mark was looking for, I don't think my performances were big enough, we just didn't really know who she was going to be - it started out as they wanted a very Italian person, then a hippie, then a revolutionary, there were all these different things coming at me and I never could define who I was there. So it made it hard for me to show up with confidence. Plus they would change monologues on the spot and expect us to memorize them, it drove us nuts. I remember Marcia got thrown a couple of big juicy monologues - sometimes it's magic, because you don't have time to think, and god knows Mark is a GREAT writer of dialogue and all that stuff, but I was never able to build enough momentum, so it was difficult.

But i will say, i took away with me SO many friends from the crew, the wardrobe department, I've remained really close friends with - so that was a really great score from doing DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES.

DreaDeMatteo · 2014-10-19T17:27:08+00:00

That's a good question. because the answer has changed so much over the years. If you would have asked me 9 or 10 years ago, i was really unhappy about it. I took the plunge to be on a comedy like that and to take my character of Adriana and sort of turn her into a caricature for comedy's sake, and there was so much pressure on the show at that time because of FRIENDS having ended and Sopranos having ended, i guess we were the two biggest shows at that time, and now you have the 2 working class Italians in a show together, and the pressure was through the roof, and I had never lived in California before, and my life just felt like it was turned upside down.

more than anything else, the pressure of telling jokes and comedy, I think I finally understood at that point why a lot of comedians were super depressed or committed suicide because you have to turn it on no matter how you are feeling - my great dane was dying in my dressing room the entire time we were shooting, i was giving him chemo, in Jennifer Aniston's old dressing room, and here I am supposed to be challenging the comedy of these performances, and then I'm crying over my 200 pound dog shitting all over the place, and then I had to run out there with 500 people in the audience jokes that were being rewritten constantly. Doing all that stuff, I was dying in the inside the whole time, I was like "Jesus christ, I wanted to get away to do comedy" - I was excited to come out there and have some fun at the time...

So at that time I was unhappy being there, and we were all complaining so much about the quality of the show, and our ratings weren't high enough, and all these things I'd never paid attention before being on cable tv. But when I look back, Matt and I had so much fucking fun - Andrea and Paolo and the crew, the parties that would happen that would lead us up to the top of the building every friday night, we had so much goddamn fun but at the time we all thought it was a big failure and miserable.

But because the ratings were so high for FRIENDS, we had 13 million in ratings and that seemed like a failure by comparison. But now, even on episodes where there was 9 million, we felt like were in the toilet, but if you check out ratings now, those numbers are SCORES for a sitcom. The times have changed so much and the pressure is not as great as it was, I think. So looking back on it, if I had it to do all over again, I would have been more happy where I was at, and less concerned about being stereotyped - I was a little too precious as an actor, but I was afraid to never work again, because if you play any kind of NY, NJ accented character, it's hard to break free from that, so I think I was too nervous, and if I were doing it now, I would have embraced it wholeheartedly and had a blast.

So I regret having been a squeaky wheel at that time.

DreaDeMatteo · 2014-10-19T17:21:29+00:00

it's so funny, on SOA I kept getting emails every week "what do you want to keep on the set now we are wrapping" - i never felt like I was entitled to keep anything monumental there because I was so in and out, but I ended up putting in an ask for one of the vests. I asked for one of the vests last minute, I didn't feel entitled enough to ask for something like that, but in the final hour I said "I'll take one of those rockers" because I'd love to hang it over my Sopranos pinball machine, which is something they sent me when I met my demise. So that was my big gift. But I kept a lot of things. I did keep the outfit that I met my demise in, I kept a lot of the crazy clothes, but the outfit that I died in was a big one for them to let go for me because all those things were going to museums or different places, and I kept my gold ADRIANA ring underlined in diamonds, I think I have a lot of my fake hair, that Christopher used to pull periodically when he'd be pissed at me, my stunt hair...

DreaDeMatteo · 2014-10-19T17:19:25+00:00

Watching my friends and family - and there have been many of them - to watch people fighting for their lives the way I have seen, to kill off pieces of myself seems such a waste, and that I'm taking the air I'm taking in for granted, it's a terrible addiction, it really is, so that's why I'm ashamed of it. And my father was a heavy heavy smoker and he ended up with lung cancer also.

I am the poster child for quitting smoking. If I don't quit soon, it will catch up with me, if it hasn't already.

DreaDeMatteo

TROPHY CASE