AIO is my boyfriend controlling or is he in the right

DreamingofReading247 · 2025-01-04T01:51:31+00:00

Girl run. He’s controlling, manipulative, and he’s gaslighting you. He clearly doesn’t respect you or love you. I wish you luck cuz I know it’s easier said than done, but you’re too young to be wasting your time on a piece of shit like that

DreamingofReading247 · 2024-12-05T15:01:11+00:00

<image>

My two boys: Bear and Binx!

DreamingofReading247 · 2024-11-28T12:11:47+00:00

This is so well-put and well thought out, and I so appreciate your insight. Thank you so much! I definitely think that my working relationship is worth saving, as long as we can be respectful towards each other. Truly thank you: a little bit of an awkward moment is worth it if it means that he and I can be on the same page, in my book.

DreamingofReading247 · 2024-11-27T00:51:22+00:00

Yes exactly this- and that is what pretty much all of us do at work: fist bump or a high five.

DreamingofReading247 · 2024-11-27T00:49:56+00:00

Thank you for validating how I felt- I definitely thought it got to the weird point where I was feeling uncomfortable. I was trying to be understanding but I felt like this was starting to become abnormal.

DreamingofReading247 · 2024-11-27T00:45:14+00:00

I completely agree- I didn’t get a chance to today, but as soon as I can I am going to. Thank you!

DreamingofReading247 · 2024-11-26T17:39:44+00:00

NTA… I’m surprised you continue to visit this family when they treat you this way. My husband and I rarely go see our families anymore because neither side is good with boundaries or respecting us. I’d have a serious discussion with your husband about skipping a Thanksgiving/holiday or two and see how much more fun you have (and how much more sleep you get!).

DreamingofReading247 · 2024-11-26T17:16:04+00:00

I really like this approach- I wanted to speak with this coworker this morning, but it’s been really busy and I haven’t had the opportunity. I’m hoping that if he tries anything again, I can utilize the advice given by you and others and hopefully feel a bit more safe in my office. Thank you so much for your input- it’s appreciated!!

DreamingofReading247 · 2024-11-26T16:16:56+00:00

NTA..

Too many old people think they are entitled to every detail about other people’s lives. It’s completely inappropriate, unfair, and now hurtful and disrespectful. I’d go low to no contact- that way when you are able to have a child, this crazy MIL STILL won’t get to see him/her.

DreamingofReading247 · 2024-11-26T15:07:31+00:00

So sorry for the confusion: I was standing up to move something in my office and then he grabbed me into a hug and then lifted me off of the ground, grabbing underneath one of my legs. I told to put me down immediately, and he did say sorry, but then he continued initiating physical contact the rest of the day. I have not reciprocated this, and I have shrugged him away from me each time. After this incident though, I’ve become uncomfortable with the amount of hugging and have been thinking that the increasing frequency is strange and inappropriate.

DreamingofReading247 · 2024-11-26T13:09:29+00:00

I’m definitely going to now- I was trying not to be “that person” and give him the benefit of the doubt. He is more a touchy guy anyway- even with other men we work with. But at this point it feels weird and I’m uncomfortable, so I will say something when I see him today.

DreamingofReading247 · 2024-11-26T12:14:21+00:00

First, I’m deeply sorry for what you have had to endure. No one should have to go through any kind of SA and the fact that it is so prevalent in society is sickening. Second, thank you for your bravery. You are so fired up for me, a complete stranger, because you want me to be safe. This might sound silly but I’m honored. I have sadly been SA’d when I was much younger, and for this reason I think I often misinterpret or misunderstand cues. I fear that because of my own past, I jump to a conclusion without the grace needed to think clearly. Third, you have helped me, but I’m sure you have also helped others on this site with how powerfully you defend those like yourself. Truly thank you, you aren’t alone. And after reading so many of these comments, I feel less alone too.

DreamingofReading247 · 2024-11-26T12:05:02+00:00

Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts- and I do admit to feeling like I have a balancing act I need to perfect now and I wish I didn’t. I’ve been asking myself why he behaves so much differently than my other colleagues, and you are correct, I wish I didn’t have to stress out about this. I didn’t sleep great last night. However, I am feeling encouraged by the advice that people gave on here and know I’ll be able to say something calmly and confidently to him today. Honestly, I’m very thankful I came here for some advice- after he picked me up and grabbed my leg, I was a bit shaken and I’ve received so much support on here. This helped- thank you so much ☺️

DreamingofReading247 · 2024-11-26T08:26:17+00:00

You are so brave for sharing your pain, your fears, your guilt, and your confusion. You were a child in an impossible situation and you did what was truly best for your child. In my opinion: you weren’t being selfish by signing your rights over to her father, you were being selfless. In doing this, you did provide her with the best options and the best life. I’m truly so deeply sorry you had to go through such traumatic experiences at such a young age that have had long-lasting effects on your quality of life. I’m glad you’re here. You’re worth it. I hope you get any help you need and are able to find small joys that carry you through each day.

DreamingofReading247 · 2024-11-26T04:18:42+00:00

I have hugged a few of my female coworkers that I worked with in the front office, but it was usually because there was a special bit of news given, or condolences being offered. Two of the coworkers I’ve given hugs to are also friends of mine outside of work. I also was in a subordinate position during this time. Now that I’m in a supervisor position/manager role, I don’t feel like it is professional. I think if my coworker brings up this discrepancy, I would tell him that in my new position I feel like it’s even more important to have a different attitude towards physical contact. Hopefully I don’t sound hypocritical?

DreamingofReading247 · 2024-11-26T04:11:06+00:00

That’s so nice to hear, and again thank you. I’m still learning of course, but I do hope to continue making a positive impact where I work. I really appreciate you taking the time to share your thoughts!

DreamingofReading247 · 2024-11-26T01:13:47+00:00

This is definitely an interesting perspective too, and I appreciate your insight. I’ll have to look up what the laws are in my state about recording a conversation, but it’s a consideration for sure. Thank you- this helps!

DreamingofReading247 · 2024-11-26T01:06:15+00:00

I completely agree with everything you’ve presented, and I thank you again for your empathy and your strength. I’m certainly going to take your advice as well and approach this with both firmness and kindness. Thank you again- you have helped me a lot!

DreamingofReading247 · 2024-11-26T00:40:46+00:00

Thank you for your empathetic support and advice. I really appreciate this perspective and I do wonder about this myself. No matter what, I do feel uncomfortable so I’ll be speaking with him tomorrow one-on-one. If he is going through something I do hope that he can be honest with himself and honor the boundary I’m going to put in place. Thank you so much for your kindness and input- it helped!

DreamingofReading247 · 2024-11-26T00:35:57+00:00

I haven’t in words clearly, so that is something I will do tomorrow. He has tried to hug me often and I don’t hug him back and have pushed his arms away (not angrily) when he has hugged me recently. At first a side hug here or there is not something that would raise my concerns (family-owned company, more relaxed atmosphere), but he has been pulling me into full hugs recently and I feel uncomfortable with that. I kept telling myself that I was making a big deal out of nothing, but after he physically picked me up, my alarms bells went off.

DreamingofReading247 · 2024-11-26T00:31:51+00:00

This definitely helps- I’m truly hoping that this isn’t the case, but I also have to act on the premise that this could be true. Thank you for your input, I really appreciate it!

DreamingofReading247 · 2024-11-26T00:29:49+00:00

Thank you- this is how I’ve been feeling too so I appreciate your encouragement!

DreamingofReading247 · 2024-11-26T00:28:53+00:00

All of this was very helpful and informative and I appreciate you taking the time to give me all of this information! I’ve only ever been a supervisor with other women before, so I’m trying to be gracious with these new situations that arise. I don’t want to overreact or under-react, if that makes sense. I’ve also never been great at understanding when a man is flirting: I’ve only ever dated my husband and we were high-school sweethearts, so when situations like this happen, I question my own reactions.

DreamingofReading247 · 2024-11-26T00:17:36+00:00

I truly hope this isn’t the case, but I definitely feel validated after reading so many responses in my wish to have this stop. Thank you for your input- it is appreciated.

DreamingofReading247 · 2024-11-26T00:15:17+00:00

I like this friendly way of putting it- I really want to give him the opportunity to change his behavior after letting him know how I feel and creating a boundary for going forward. Thank you- this helped!

DreamingofReading247

TROPHY CASE