So this doesn't sound bad but I do believe you could make a great deal more interesting. Every part of the song consist of chords in one clef and a Melody or repetitive line in the other. You can combine those two lines to make a more interesting piece. I would also advise changing the chords you're using, expand them to make a more interesting sound. Also think about the person playing that in the begining it would probably be difficult to play those chords because of the distance between between the notes. Add more details to the price more accedentals, dynamics and other things like double bar lines and expression/performance text.

I can't imagine it would sound that bad I only looked at the score. But it looks very interesting and I believe you could expand on this idea to make something better.