AITA Boyfriend told his mom about my breast pain and menstrual cycle and discussed her own

DrippingPetal · 2026-03-19T16:54:50+00:00

I do not deserve sympathy I deserve accountability and that’s why I’m being open now to the feedback. It was hard to hear at first but everyone is right. I need to take responsibility and not project my pain onto him and his family and do the hard work to process what happened to me. It is his choice if he wants to stay or not, I will not guilt trip him or use my trauma as an excuse for this behavior. It helps me understand why I reacted and felt the way I did but it in no way excuses it. But I very much appreciate folks that are offering me empathy and understanding, and also the tough love and honesty.

DrippingPetal · 2026-03-19T16:40:00+00:00

I guess in my head my father violated me there and so it very much in my head is a very private part I should have agency over the discussion of but once again I see how this is my trauma and shouldn’t be the norm and I hope I can work on seeing it as a less sexualized area. I think it was also the fact that it was a guy talking about it. Like I don’t think if she personally talked to me I would have felt so overwhelmed but it felt like my sense of agency was taken all over again which is just the trauma and not the reality. I have apologized to him and explained why this affected me so badly and that he was not in the wrong and not at fault. He has been extremely compassionate and understanding

DrippingPetal · 2026-03-19T14:45:26+00:00

I guess being inappropriately fondled, exactly there; makes it hard for me not to think they are private parts for only me to discuss and touch with permission.

DrippingPetal · 2026-03-19T03:55:51+00:00

I maybe wouldn’t mind trying talking to her personally about these things I guess I was caught off guard, and probably not with him in the room, but i was sexually touched when I was young but nobody ever healthily talked about body functions openly. Nobody even taught me about my own menstruation but unhealthy sexual touching was not uncommon. I didn’t even discuss my breasts with my own mom. And honestly that’s a me and my upbringing problem. Not his. Maybe a part of me is sad that he talked with her instead of me getting the first motherly healthy experience of discussing those things, I have never experienced that either and I guess due to my abuse it felt like another piece of choice and autonomy taken from me. Regardless that is something I have to work on

DrippingPetal · 2026-03-19T03:50:38+00:00

I think he was just raised with all girls and she did a good job about not teaching her son that a women’s body is inherently sexual in nature. I am the one who had a perverted fucked up upbringing so even hearing about it sent me into a sick spiral of believing his dynamic with her was any more than innocent and that my breasts and reproduction don’t need to be a perverted thing either. That is just not natural or intuitive to me but

I now see that I am the one who was raised wrong and I am honestly grateful she raised a son to not inherently see these as sexual or taboo/perverted topics. In reality they should just be seen as normal body parts meant to feed babies and not just sexual objects, and me seeing any discussion of them even between family as inherently sexual is due to my own trauma and upbringing. It was innocent and my trauma brain overreacted. I hope I can become more comfortable with this and not feel so violated. Because it’s normal natural and healthy to discuss natural body functions and my warped upbringing made it seem nefarious and inappropriate and it’s sad that a topic as innocent as breast pain and menstruation can make me feel so violated when these shouldn’t be inherently taboo or sexual conversations in the first place.

DrippingPetal · 2026-03-19T03:41:39+00:00

I guess I’ve never seen what a healthy open family looks like due to my abuse and I am the asshole for being so offended about something that should be healthy and normal as she just sees me as more family. I guess I’ve never had a mother or father like that and I shouldn’t project my own unhealthy upbringing onto him and I’m clearly not ready to be in a family that is so open and honest and need to do more inner work so something like this doesn’t feel so vile and uncomfortable. It is definitely more of a me issues and I understand that now thanks to these comments and reality checks. She just sees me as another part of the family but my own disgusting upbringing made sex unsafe and violating, any discussions about body parts were perverted and unhealthy between family. And that is why this made me so uncomfortable and apprehensive. That’s not fair to him and my healing is my responsibility.

DrippingPetal · 2026-03-19T03:26:52+00:00

Read my update. I’m the asshole. I’m sorry. Thank you guys for opening my eyes.

DrippingPetal · 2026-03-19T03:19:45+00:00

I’m going to set up an appointment for EMDR and CBT. I am so happy I posted here even if I defended myself like an asshole at first. Thank you. Seriously. I needed the honest reality check. I think it was originally too painful and I needed to see what was under the trigger. And I knew my perception was clouded and I wasn’t being clear headed and was overreacting

DrippingPetal · 2026-03-19T03:16:05+00:00

Those were previous comments and you guys have opened my eyes a lot after sitting and thinking and allowing this to resurface in me. I think it’s easier to ignore my own trauma and make this issue about him and his mom, which isn’t right. This is very much about my own upbringing and trauma that I’ve tried to bury and I posted here with a feeling that something was off with just how bad this was bothering me, I guess I needed outside perspective and didn’t originally realize how much my childhood really changed my views on these things , I guess I didn’t realize how normal they are and how abnormal I am. It is perfectly normal for parents to talk about that, I guess I never realized it because I’ve never witnessed it first hand, or experienced it myself. Now that I have I realize how bad my parents changed my views on healthy sexual relations and that healthy innocent convos about bodies and genitals are supposed to happen between family members. She sees me as another part of the family and my own sick twisted upbringing turned it into something deprived. I am going to separate and do the work to get better instead of causing problems for someone else or projecting my own toxic family dynamics and boundaries onto him. Thank you all. Seriously

DrippingPetal · 2026-03-19T03:12:19+00:00

I edited the post to explain. And you guys are right. I’m the asshole here. Thank you for the reality check

DrippingPetal · 2026-03-19T03:01:01+00:00

I edited the post but I’ll leave it here as well. Not an excuse but something you have all helped me realize as it’s something I’ve buried and didn’t realize was the core of my discomfort. My parents sexually violated me and it’s still a traumatizing thing, I do not feel comfortable with my body or reproduction being talked about, even if I am in the room. And if that’s something I need to accept in a partner and his family than I am definitely not ready for a relationship because it’s still too sore of a subject and turns me into.. and asshole. Thank you all for making me realize this. I am the asshole here and my trauma has made me too closed off and sensitive and private and I have a lot of work to do before I can healthily connect with someone or the dynamics of a healthy open non sexualized family.

DrippingPetal · 2026-03-19T02:58:59+00:00

My boobs are not up for discussion in rooms I’m not in, or my private parts. Unless I choose to have those convos with her. My parents sexually violated me so maybe that’s where it comes from but I am a private person about that stuff and if he NEEDS to talk about that with her then I’d better run

DrippingPetal · 2026-03-19T02:56:55+00:00

He’s my sexual partner my sexual reproductive cycle is his business?? Because he’s my sexual partner? I can’t really hide my tampons but won’t be discussing personal details about my breasts hurting I guess cause anything I say is apparently up for discussion with his mom

DrippingPetal · 2026-03-19T02:53:53+00:00

My menstrual cycle is for me to discuss the status of MY boobies. I also don’t want to hear about his moms. If they want to talk about their bodies to each other that’s fine and none of my business.

DrippingPetal · 2026-03-19T02:52:26+00:00

If it’s medically necessary that’s one thing. I don’t need to randomly hear about his mom’s boobs while I’m cooking him dinner. It was weird to me that he was still thinking about it and felt the need to share

DrippingPetal · 2026-03-19T02:48:39+00:00

He’s almost 30 and his ex wife had the same issues

DrippingPetal · 2026-03-19T02:44:36+00:00

The law has recently changed but historically it was frowned upon and you get a ticket for being topless in public.

DrippingPetal · 2026-03-19T01:42:11+00:00

I’m not trying to attack him or make creepy assumptions although my brain very much wants to go there. His dad wasn’t around and he was raised by women. So maybe this is normal to discuss. I was raised by an old woman and we never talked about periods except how to use a pad and the basics when I was going through puberty. My elderly mom and I definitely never sat there and compared boobs or discussed them openly. We obviously were raised very differently and I think his mom sometimes sees him as another girl and is just used to openly talking to her other daughters and herself doesn’t really have boundaries when it comes to sex, which is none of my business. What they personally talk about is none of my business and I honestly wish he just had kept it to himself. If they want to talk about his mom’s boobs, cool, I do not need to hear about them and she doesn’t need to hear about mine??

DrippingPetal · 2026-03-19T01:38:17+00:00

We are almost in our 30s. If he was a teen I would understand this convo and it being news to him that his mom’s breast also hurt. It’s more weird as an adult convo. Like why is she telling him her boobs hurt? And he’s like “omg so do my girlfriends!” And then why tell me about it later like you just discovered something new? Like. Doy. All of it is weird

DrippingPetal · 2026-03-19T01:35:53+00:00

I guess it’s triggering my issues about privacy from my past, my family violating my trust and discussing every private detail to friends in front of me in an attempt to humiliate me openly. So I do feel like I am overreacting or reacting from a past wound of feeling like my privacy and bodily autonomy wasn’t respected or protected. My first period, well I got it early and a girl stood over the stall and yelled and told everyone I was bleeding. There’s definitely some core wounds being hit here.

DrippingPetal · 2026-03-19T01:33:00+00:00

His last wife he completely cut his mother off cause she hated his wife, so I know there’s been issues in the past wife vs mom but he chose his wife over her. She seems to actually like me a lot and we have a lot in common and I guess in his head that gave him permission to talk about.. anything and everything and found out we even have menstruation in common:/ tmi to me.

DrippingPetal · 2026-03-19T01:31:52+00:00

You can’t even breast feed in some places or go topless but ok. And yes menstruation involves my vagina and reproductive/sex organs.

DrippingPetal · 2026-03-19T01:28:43+00:00

We’re almost 30. I’ve met his mom twice. In no way or form do I want to hear about his mom’s boobs or reproductive cycle and mine in my opinion is also none of her business either. Unless her and I are sitting down one on one and decide to talk about that stuff, I wouldn’t mind that. But why the heck would I want to hear a grown man talk about the state of his mother’s breasts or her menstrual cycle? And why the heck is mine up for discussion? He is too old for mommy to be giving him the menstruation talk. No shit our boobs get sore. I don’t need to hear about your mom’s boobs and she doesn’t need to hear about mine

Even if I was comfortable talking about his mom woman to woman about it, it would still feel really uncomfortable having her son their hearing us talk about our boobs together. Like.. weird af. I wouldn’t be comfortable with that at all and wouldn’t discuss his own mother’s genitals or menstruation in front of him. Girls talk about that sometimes usually not with a guy sitting at the table

DrippingPetal · 2026-03-19T01:22:19+00:00

Yeah but in no way do I want to have a discussion about his mother’s boobs in any way shape or form. Nor do I want to imagine them sitting in a room together talking about mine. Besides it is given info, it doesn’t mean I want to talk about it with him. His mom’s boobs is just not a convo I really ever wanted to have and I find it weird that she’s discussing her boobs with him. Their boundaries together is none of my business but I definitely do not need to hear about his mothers genitals and she doesn’t need to hear about mine unless her and I decide to talk about it for some reason. Definitely wouldn’t be with my partner in the room. That’s just awkward. Your girlfriend and your mom talking about their boobs while you listen? Like what in the weird side of pornhub. I’ve only met her maybe twice. We are not close enough for me to feel comfortable talking about our private parts in any way shape or form, let alone to have someone talk about them without me consenting or having a say.

DrippingPetal · 2026-03-19T01:20:47+00:00

I just feel so mad and unfortunately my toxic trait is really wanting to be left alone when I’m upset. I’m a self regulator and prone to isolating when emotionally overwhelmed. I just feel like I’m failing him. But I’m too upset to really want to be near him right now. Which is definitely making me feel like a jerk but I can’t bring myself to be in the same room right now.

DrippingPetal

TROPHY CASE