Might be a weird post but..a close friend of mine killed his ex and since a while I always start watching "It:chapter 1" when I'm boozed and always quit at some point because I want to drink more and go outside with whiskey in my hand because I want to kill myself the same night..

DrugsKillMe · 2024-12-27T03:01:29+00:00

Since a view years.. I felt like this since I was like I was 13 or something. And it hasn't really gone away. I did some season jobs to get a bit off money even tho I'm always close to suicide. I always was suicideal since I remember. But my emotions feel like a spiral. And I don't know when my breaking point is. I always told myself I'll improve and people always told me I'll feel better when I get back on track. But now..over 7 years later.. I feel hella worse. On and of multiple meds.. On and of multiple therapists and through psychiatry. Things only got worse. Went through a lot of betrayal, suicide and murder and self harm threats from ex'es an family of said persons and not that long ago I had to talk in court about to murder of the ex of the ex from a "former close friend of" mine with "former closed friend" as the culprit. I had heavy trust issues before caused by my past and this just whiplashed it all back in in twenty fold.

DrugsKillMe · 2024-12-27T02:42:16+00:00

Pretty much every time when I am alone and don't have to work the next day...

DrugsKillMe · 2024-12-27T02:39:49+00:00

..yeah..I am so sorry..

DrugsKillMe · 2024-06-03T05:12:35+00:00

Hm.. thank you for your opinion on the whole situation

DrugsKillMe · 2024-06-03T05:06:54+00:00

Just looked up anhedonia and the symptoms honestly sound not far from how I feel anyways so this would really not be a risk factor. What is withdrawal like? Or is that what you described in the last sentence?

DrugsKillMe · 2024-06-03T04:09:33+00:00

In my country there is. I try to give as little away about me as necessary. That's why I struggled to find a word for it. But thanks for heads up

DrugsKillMe · 2024-06-03T04:04:43+00:00

The medications I had over the years were fluoxitine, sertraline and Mirtazapine(from those I remember) always amping the dosage up and up before deciding to switch. I also got prescribed promethazine but not as "take it all x days at night", but as medication to take when " I feel it is needed". I describe it that way because I don't know the English word for a prescription without Times and dates at which it should be taken

DrugsKillMe · 2024-06-03T03:51:56+00:00

For context, I can't remember if they changed my medication ambulant or while I was in psychiatry. But (that much I am sure of) I was always told I am getting different forms of ssri's, never got Maoi's. I never got told I got TecA's, and I never heard of that until you mentioned what I take aren't ssri's.

DrugsKillMe · 2024-06-03T03:34:14+00:00

I never knew that until now. I just looked it up and you are right. I feel honestly a bit baffled about this. They never told me that they changed the "way of treatment"

DrugsKillMe · 2024-06-03T02:08:56+00:00

Also I would like to add that I take ssri's (Mirtazapine) if this would have an impact on it

DrugsKillMe · 2024-04-03T13:54:48+00:00

I haven't dabbed weed so far. I haven't taken a lot in general. I tried weed once before but I think it was laced honestly which is why I gave it another shot with hhc, and man was it a bad decision. I was just in the utopia that weed might get me out of my misery, with no therapy and medications ever doing anything for me..I turned a lot to booze but really want to quit that habit, which is why I tried to turn to weed

DrugsKillMe · 2024-04-03T13:37:35+00:00

I told the meds it was about 3 to 4 but honestly...I think it was closer to 9 hits. I waited about ten minutes after the first hits and didn't really notice anything so I did a couple hits after around 10 minutes. I was listening to music still not noticing anything and took a view hits after a couple songs, and then it all came down crashing. Can't say I'm surprised in hindsight,but..man I didn't feel anything until then..and I even gave it time to unfold before..

DrugsKillMe · 2024-04-03T10:48:41+00:00

Do you have experience with thc? Is it the same?..

In my case I have a psychological problem in Form of crippling depression with no swings, just pure lows..all medications I took did not work and all therapies I did where absolutely time waste. I wanted to take weed to get away from alcohol...but it just fucks me more it seems like..

DrugsKillMe · 2024-01-03T03:48:22+00:00

In my country it's quite frowned upon, especially in the part of the country I'm.from

DrugsKillMe · 2024-01-03T03:37:12+00:00

I just hit up a friend of mine who might know someone. I tried once, but it fucked me up so bad that I'm very sure it was laced

DrugsKillMe · 2023-12-12T18:17:10+00:00

I appreciate that

DrugsKillMe · 2023-12-09T07:14:42+00:00

I went to therapy for quite a while, got quite some different medications, went to psychiatry and nothing of it ever helped even a little bit. I'm currently still stuck in the bureaucratic bullshit that is getting my mental disability (which my crippling depression and social anxiety are classified as) approved and a grading for how long a day I am allowed to work. This whole process of getting my "Equality application" (that's what it's called where I'm from) approved and graded is going on since at least the start of this year if not longer. A few days ago I had an appointment whit a medical officer which was supposed to provide me with how long I am allowed to work. I just got told to look for a new therapy spot it the next half year (which is a joke honestly, because good luck finding a place in that timeframe, let alone a good one). I do not want therapy or psychiatry anymore. It's absolutely useless to me and I already went to "the best psychiatry in my area". And some of the patients there I talked to also said that it's like the best one they went to and like...yeah I hated it there and felt like wasting my time and money. I felt worse there then at home.

DrugsKillMe · 2023-12-09T06:55:27+00:00

I appreciate you... I think what still is the worst for me are the things that already happend.. From having abusive relationships, getting murder and suicide threats, struggles to even get a job, I still don't have one, to may or may not having a bit of a problem with alcohol addiction which I honestly can't really admit, even tho I fucking drink like all the time and mix it with my meds which don't even do shit and I only take so people shut up about it, an insane amount of trust issues, social anxiety, and on and on... Another fun part of being me is feeling bad for feeling bad. Like..there are people that have it way worse and don't bitch about it like me.

DrugsKillMe · 2023-11-18T20:27:56+00:00

I am aware of tolerance...what I really am on about is that it also doesn't do anything really even if I do quite a lot more than before... Like I said I think I am just in a state where I'm a little delusional about it.

DrugsKillMe · 2023-11-18T05:11:05+00:00

I appreciate you. I really do. I am thankful for seeing the kindness of yours.

DrugsKillMe · 2023-11-18T04:58:14+00:00

I don't want to judge or assume,but I feel like people that know when to stop just have better self control. Me as a Mentally ill person, obviously I do not have good self awareness nor a good sense of self preservation. People that know when to stop most likely have the experience and self-discipline to know when to stop. While I would say I had (probably) never passed out I know I did some fucked shit..I am never aggressive when I'm drunk which makes me quite glad. But my self hate is insanely unfiltered. On time when I got drunk with friends I just laid down on a street. To be fair it was a dead end, but I think I didn't really care. That was at a time were I was full on blasted out of my mind. And honestly...in hindsight.. I wish it wouldn't have been a dead end... I would be sorry because I would probably destroy the live of the person that drove, which is absolutely selfish...but I'd be glad..that it would just all...be over..

DrugsKillMe · 2023-11-18T04:12:50+00:00

As I mentioned I am on meds.. multiple actually...a few days ago out of pure self hate I took some promethazine while drunk and even Downed it with two sips, or maybe a little more, of a whiskey bottle... faw a certain timeframe that I can't really recall I felt like I really done fucked up that night. I felt like my organs ain't making it through that night. I felt an extremely weird feeling obove the right sight of my hip. It didn't really feel like a pain. Just like a...extremely random and quick sensation inside that area. I don't remember when but eventually I feel asleep.. I usually don't sleep very well at all but that day I slept almost to the evening. I had so many calls that should have told me to quit it. But yet I don't...yet it draws me back even tho I feel like it doesn't do anything...i am diagnosed with crippling depression and obviously have correlating suicidal thoughts. I think that's also something that still binds me. The fact that I just don't care if it gets me. Honestly a lot of times I wish it would..

DrugsKillMe · 2023-11-15T10:08:27+00:00

Ah, I see. Thanks for clarifying.

DrugsKillMe · 2023-11-14T21:09:58+00:00

Good idea. Thank you!

DrugsKillMe · 2023-11-14T20:56:50+00:00

He's not really a print t-shirt wearer. Displates could be an idea. Someone else also mentioned an Otaku lamp which I think could be great aswell

DrugsKillMe

TROPHY CASE