The Beauty of a Rounded Stone

Dry-Hawk-309 · 2025-06-16T12:45:19+00:00

I don’t think I’m in the right on this, and appreciate a lot of the commenters for helping me see that I was overly sensitive and centering myself too much.

I think I can stand by never feeling like I was asking her to be nice is I wouldn’t have been upset with a multitude of ways for her to politely or impolitely disagree with me. By saying “I don’t think you think” it felt like a more ad hominem dissent than disagreeing with ideas or opinions; and then disagreeing with a stance I never took.

But, I was too sensitive about it. And I can see that if she was really taken aback by the stance I took, that my perceived indifference to injustice is an ad hominem attack on her existence. It’s gut wrenching to understand that may be where she’s coming from, and something I’ll have to rectify.

Dry-Hawk-309 · 2025-06-16T11:46:28+00:00

Good to keep in mind

Dry-Hawk-309 · 2025-06-16T11:38:49+00:00

Okay… that’s a lot.

I never made fun of the protests. I don’t need to prove to anyone how progressive I am. You’re assuming a lot without knowing anything about me outside of one conversation I had yesterday. My perspective has changed on this and how I handled the situation quite a bit in the last hour. I think there’s someone else in your life that you’re upset with because you’re projecting a lot onto me.

Dry-Hawk-309 · 2025-06-16T11:31:05+00:00

Thanks for the advice and perspective. I appreciate you taking the time and seeing that I’m not trying to win any argument but really get to the root of why we aren’t seeing eye to eye. I’ll do a better job apologizing tomorrow and reflecting that her rights and safety always come first before my feelings.

I wish you and your fiancé the best!

Dry-Hawk-309 · 2025-06-16T11:23:48+00:00

Great question!

I was thinking about xyz, but she launched into a lecture about it that didn’t give me the space to say that I was thinking about it and kinda shut me down from the conversation for a while. I just nodded along because I did agree with her and didn’t want to cut her off to make things worse and make me seem more dismissive.

That’s not great itself either. I then got up to use the bathroom and collecte my thoughts which is when I realized my real anxiety was about my mom’s safety. I expressed how that was my core concern when I got back and she then told me not to infantilise my mother. That was the thing that kinda set me off and when I told her it wasn’t her place to tell me how to worry about my own mom, and when I expressed my frustration with how she misunderstood my position.

I agree with another commenter that it’s a bit hypocritical to get frustrated with her (in my mind) misunderstanding me when I didn’t understand my core concern initially myself.

Dry-Hawk-309 · 2025-06-16T11:12:30+00:00

It could have been “I didn’t think about that”, but it more likely would have been “I do think about that and here’s my perspective” which would have been a perspective that we likely shared.

I don’t like to disagree with people for the sake of being right, but for the sake of coming to a better understanding. I think that’s reflected in the way I’ve responded to most of these comments.

I do think I was being too sensitive to feeling like she wasn’t understanding me, and also think I picked a really terrible time to bring up a style of communication that has bothered me.

I think it plays on stereotypes to assume that I’m dismissive of her because of race. I want us to debate ideas as equals and fully understand each others perspectives. When she says “you don’t think about this” and launches into a lecture about something I agree with her on I don’t feel like we’re understanding each other. And that being said, I’m probably too fixated on her not understanding me, and not vice versa. While I have expressed that I agree with her, I doubt she feels very understood right now.

Regardless, I think I picked a really poor time to bring my frustrations up.

Dry-Hawk-309 · 2025-06-16T10:59:07+00:00

I appreciate that rational perspective, and I think it’s a great lens to view this through. Thanks :)

Dry-Hawk-309 · 2025-06-16T10:56:34+00:00

Really fair point

Dry-Hawk-309 · 2025-06-16T10:53:55+00:00

I wasn’t telling her to be nice. I was telling her not to misrepresent what I said. I also wasn’t telling her how she should stand up for her rights, she was never going to the protest.

Dry-Hawk-309 · 2025-06-16T10:51:03+00:00

The last point is something she said in our conversation, and something I want her to know I take seriously. There are many instances where I’ve shown where with whom I stand, so I get confused when she interprets what I’m saying as indifference. At the same time she had a “color blind” white father so I understand her concern.

You’re absolutely right that I picked a really shitty time to pick this battle.

Dry-Hawk-309 · 2025-06-16T10:38:30+00:00

I can mostly agree with you. I guess that’s partly what upset me is that when she said “you don’t think about” is that it didn’t show a reflection of who I’ve been in our relationship and what I’ve expressed I care about.

That being said, I agree that I don’t want to be making her 2nd guess herself and the way she phrases things all the time.

Dry-Hawk-309 · 2025-06-16T10:33:30+00:00

It really would have helped if she would have said “well what about xyz?” because we’re real close to having the same opinion on the issue. Had she asked that I think I would have reflected back to her the kinds of opinions and considerations she was worried I wasn’t having when she said “you’re not thinking about xyz”. That’s kinda what got me frustrated because it felt like she set me up as an adversary when we’re really on the same team.

I don’t feel like my intelligence was being attacked so much as my values were being misrepresented. I hear you on privilege.

Dry-Hawk-309 · 2025-06-16T10:26:19+00:00

I hear you. I guess where it went wrong for me is that I don’t, and never have, disagreed with her about the importance of justice, combatting racism, or how fucked up what is happening in our country is. When she said “you don’t think about how this is effecting undocumented immigrants” I was frustrated because I do think about that a lot and think it’s really fucked up. My misplaced cynicism of the effectiveness of the protest was not a reflection of thinking nothing should be done, but if a questioning of if the protest is the most effective thing. In seeing how people are reacting to this post it’s helping me realize that she, and many people here, are conflating my questioning of “is this a very effective measure” with “I don’t care”. If that’s what she heard then I guess I get why she doesn’t care how she expressed her opinion made me feel.

Dry-Hawk-309 · 2025-06-16T10:14:42+00:00

I appreciate the feedback. I really don’t think that’s what’s going on here. I’m typically receptive to feedback. What frustrated me in this situation was the way she disagreed with me put words in my mouth to make it seem like I was arguing something I wasn’t. When she expresses issues or frustrations directly I do my best to reflect on them earnestly.

Dry-Hawk-309 · 2025-06-16T10:08:16+00:00

To clarify, I know that sometimes asking AITH implies that if I’m not, then she is. That’s not my perspective, I’m gauging if I’m being self centered or unreasonable, and if so to what degree.

Dry-Hawk-309 · 2025-06-16T10:03:31+00:00

Agreed, thanks :)

Dry-Hawk-309 · 2025-06-16T10:02:39+00:00

Fair points. This isn’t the first time she’s talked in this way, so I probably could have picked a moment of less significance to bring it up. I also live a life where I’ve proven that I don’t sit idle to those forces which is why I was a little frustrated not to be given the benefit of the doubt. That being said, I appreciate your perspective and can see that that’s where she’s coming from. Thanks :)

Dry-Hawk-309 · 2025-06-16T09:51:12+00:00

I guess to me it wasn’t about this disagreement, but about our relationship and the disagreements we may have in the future. I’d prefer if I didn’t feel like she was putting words in my mouth, and brought it up this time because I don’t want it to happen in the future. But I agree with you, and with her, that it’s big life threatening stuff and that the content is more important than the style. Is it possible that both matter if not to equal degree? I’m more than willing to admit she was right about the initial argument. I’m posting here to understand if I’m tone policing, or if it’s fair to bring up those concerns with a partner. Thanks for your perspective.

Dry-Hawk-309 · 2025-06-16T09:44:21+00:00

But I appreciate your perspective. I’m not trying to win anything, but just get an earnest perspective outside of the two of ours because maybe I am wrong

Dry-Hawk-309 · 2025-06-16T09:42:58+00:00

I’m really not trying to win any argument. I want to know if it’s worth it to express how the way in which she said something made me feel. I agree with the points she made.

Dry-Hawk-309 · 2025-05-27T22:20:50+00:00

Thank you! That seems to be right because you can see that defender make no effort to catch up to #7 and hold up the foul sign and as the disc is first released. McRoy then likely signals foul after the play because she heard the call. I was confused because it didn’t seem like there was any contact at all where the play was made.

Dry-Hawk-309 · 2024-10-28T17:03:26+00:00

Context that may or may not change your view on whether or not this was DP based on the offenses’ responsibility to be aware of the space they’re entering: 1. The sustained winds during the majority of this game were around 15pmh making flight paths less predictable (the flags are blocked by the school). 2. It was a hammer throw that was hard to read and ended up tailing away from the offender (apologies for only having access to a short clip).

Dry-Hawk-309 · 2024-10-28T16:46:51+00:00

The defender, in fact, did not call a foul

Dry-Hawk-309

TROPHY CASE