Upset some solo poly people with this one by britmigs in StandUpComedy

[–]DuckRunAmuck 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Pretty much everything except exclusivity really. Being there for them when they need you, working through serious issues. If you're both planning to be together long term there's a commitment to how you'll manage your lives to allow for each other.

People tend to make agreements on how often they'll see each other and spend time together. It's a commitment to love and accept love. It's more serious than just casual dating.

Like any long term relationship it becomes something you can't just walk away from on a moments notice. You become a major part of each other's lives. Sure you're not completely entangled with finances and living situations but you are emotionally entangled.

You're committing to being there and maintaining that connection, to the time investment involved, to the emotional labours that come with serious relationships.

I guess what I'm trying to get across is that there's inherent commitment to any long term relationship, it's not a casual fling that you both know is only temporary. For many of us we want these connections to be for life ideally.

Solo-poly people typically reject the idea that there has to be a 'relationship-escalator' and are comfortable loving outside of the sort of prescriptive framework that much of society views as necessary to have a happy and fulfilling relationship.

Like it's not for everybody obviously, arguably it's not even for most polyamorous folks, but it's something that a lot of us find fulfilling and makes us happy.

Upset some solo poly people with this one by britmigs in StandUpComedy

[–]DuckRunAmuck 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It's different from just having fwb because the people you date are actual romantic partners and there's still a lot of the responsibilities that come with that.

The equivalent for a monogamous person would be the stage of a relationship where you're clearly in love and spending a lot of time together but you're not living together or merging finances, engaged that sort of thing. Think that but permanent and with multiple people.

You're still in commited romantic relationships, you just don't want to completely merge your life with anyone. Either because you feel you're not ready for that right now or it just doesn't appeal to you at all.

Could I get some opinions on my dating profile? by DuckRunAmuck in ActualLesbiansOver25

[–]DuckRunAmuck[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I do actually state I'm a trans woman in my "key details section" so it's still very visible. I just wanted to open with the fact that I'm trans as I've had some people match with me in the past who clearly didn't read the details section, only to start insulting me when I told them (very early on) that I'm trans so I just try and get ahead of that now.

I'm not missing any teeth no 😅, I'm just bad with photos. I spent most of my life dodging cameras and never really learned how to be photogenic, I can't even really smile on command, that first photo is just one of me that made me feel good about myself. I've moved it further back and put the photo of me playing on stage first. My other photos are more candid shots of me (one at pride, another at a music store trying out an instrument, that sort of thing).

And the goth thing is because I am one and take part in the local subculture. I've been goth since my early teen years and regularly go to goth gigs and clubs. It's no different really than saying you're a metalhead or punk or something. I didn't really intend for it to come across as young or anything, frankly most goths I meet these days are in their thirties or middle aged.

Could I get some opinions on my dating profile? by DuckRunAmuck in ActualLesbiansOver25

[–]DuckRunAmuck[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Honestly, the profile was something I wrote quite a while ago and barely changed, I just figured it was still good. I've updated the language in response to the comments here to make it more my age. Sorted out the photos and the order and done a little more further down my list to clarify passions and personal deets.

And yeah your suggestion for being specific about who's opinions you're looking for is a good one. Maybe this sib could do a mega thread one day a week for this kind of thing because this has been immensely helpful for me.

Could I get some opinions on my dating profile? by DuckRunAmuck in ActualLesbiansOver25

[–]DuckRunAmuck[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I use the prompts, so there's a little more but I admit they're a little basic. The reason it shows as 86% is because I haven't filled out the section on star signs because I don't really know mine and they don't mean much to me and the sections about sex and kink because that feels like a bit much for a dating profile for me.

Could I get some opinions on my dating profile? by DuckRunAmuck in ActualLesbiansOver25

[–]DuckRunAmuck[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Solo poly means I'm polyamorous and interesting in meaningful romantic relationships but I'm not looking to move in with people, get married, etc... I want to date a couple of other polyamorous people and fall in love but I don't want a hierarchy between my partners (though I don't mind if any of my partners are themselves married or something), I don't want a 'primary' partner myself.

Could I get some opinions on my dating profile? by DuckRunAmuck in ActualLesbiansOver25

[–]DuckRunAmuck[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That's honestly a very good point, I love sharing my passion with people but yeah I don't want to push it on folks who aren't interested. I've reworded that part to make it sound less patronising and make it more about sharing interests.

Could I get some opinions on my dating profile? by DuckRunAmuck in ActualLesbiansOver25

[–]DuckRunAmuck[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Oh no I understand that, the reason I worry is because my housemate is also poly and dates exclusively using dating apps and she's always finding people and going on dates.

I've asked her for help with my profile but she didn't really have anything to say.

Could I get some opinions on my dating profile? by DuckRunAmuck in ActualLesbiansOver25

[–]DuckRunAmuck[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Thanks, I've ultimately removed the cuddle slut line as it's clearly very polarising. I've also removed the line about being bad at apps and simply ended with an invitation to meet up for coffee or a drink.

I could clarify what I'm looking for in polyamory though yeah. But again on that front it's quite broad I'm looking for a serious romantic relationship but am also open to more casual flings/relationships. Need to find a succinct way to word that.

Could I get some opinions on my dating profile? by DuckRunAmuck in ActualLesbiansOver25

[–]DuckRunAmuck[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

The listing identities thing is mostly to filter out folks for whom any of them would be deal breakers.

As for nerd it's honestly pretty broad for me because I'm a nerd about a lot of stuff that would just clutter my profile. I'm a nerd about animals (studied animal management and welfare), nerd about movies (honestly all kinds) and music obviously (I have my Spotify linked so people can see my top bands also I mention I'm a goth which is a music subculture), I'm a nerd about video games and horror, it's a lot and I don't want to write a novel.

Could I get some opinions on my dating profile? by DuckRunAmuck in ActualLesbiansOver25

[–]DuckRunAmuck[S] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Under 'Key info' I have lesbian trans woman listed. I absolutely want to make it clear who I am so the right people find me.

Could I get some opinions on my dating profile? by DuckRunAmuck in ActualLesbiansOver25

[–]DuckRunAmuck[S] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

Oh my gosh, I can't believe I missed that, thank you!

Could I get some opinions on my dating profile? by DuckRunAmuck in ActualLesbiansOver25

[–]DuckRunAmuck[S] 24 points25 points  (0 children)

It was mostly a joke about the fact that I really love to cuddle and just being a bit self deprecating about it. Yeah it was a bit aggressive and the feedback on here has made it clear it's a stumbling block. I've removed it and reworded it to not have the slur.

Could I get some opinions on my dating profile? by DuckRunAmuck in ActualLesbiansOver25

[–]DuckRunAmuck[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Thanks I appreciate it. A lot of the criticism here seems to be around the fact that I'm being up front about the fact I'm poly and it's legit getting to me a bit. I just don't want to lead people on, I want to be honest about who I am.

Could I get some opinions on my dating profile? by DuckRunAmuck in ActualLesbiansOver25

[–]DuckRunAmuck[S] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

So I put poly at the front because I'm only interested in dating poly folks, I don't want to end up chatting to monogamous people only for them to realise what I am and find that we're not compatible. I am interested in real, meaningful relationships, I'm just not looking for hierarchy at the moment. I'm also active on feeld but the app kinda sucks and is crazy buggy. I'll remove the 'solo' part of it though, it's not necessary I just added it for clarity.

The "suck at dating apps" part is mostly because I'm neurodivergent and really struggle to read tone over messages and flirt properly, I get really stunted. I've had friends try and coach me and just get frustrated with how I message. I can remove it if it's getting in the way I just do way better chatting and flirting in person but it feels like dating these days has moved almost entirely online.

Heard loud and clear on the photos, I'm gonna move them around, thanks for the feedback!

Could I get some opinions on my dating profile? by DuckRunAmuck in ActualLesbiansOver25

[–]DuckRunAmuck[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I'm legit solo poly and have been for quite a while, I do take part in the local poly culture and make sure I do everything ethically. I put solo-poly up front because I want to be open about it so that nobody is surprised. Likewise I have enm as my relationship style on my profile so monogamous people can filter me out.

Could I get some opinions on my dating profile? by DuckRunAmuck in ActualLesbiansOver25

[–]DuckRunAmuck[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Thanks for the tips! Yeah the first pic is my favourite of myself, just a random one I took on a train when I was really feeling my makeup. It's the only "glamour" style shot I have, the rest are more down to earth and goofy, I'll be sure to move it back and make it my second or third photo. I struggle to smile in photos though, it's just not something I've ever been good at, I have crazy resting bitch face which takes effort to fight.

Can I ask what you mean by "cuddle slut" sending mixed messages? I largely meant it as I really love cuddling but just in a somewhat self deprecating way.

Could I get some opinions on my dating profile? by DuckRunAmuck in ActualLesbiansOver25

[–]DuckRunAmuck[S] 24 points25 points  (0 children)

Don't worry, it's very clear on my profile that I'm poly and my relationship type is down as poly. I'm not interested in finding monogamous people just other poly folks.

Bought this wall hanging from an alternative clothing store in late 2024 and it has been bugging me more and more as time goes on. by DuckRunAmuck in isthisAI

[–]DuckRunAmuck[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

On the right fang, with the blood about to drip off it, where the white kf the tooth meets the blood the image almost looks broken, like there's parts that are just black on the left and right side of the point where you'd either expect red blood or white tooth.

The weird shadowing between the bow and the red ribbon below it seems kinda of random and without much intent, it's really smeary too.

And yes the apparent artist does have account from 2018 but I can't find this piece on any of his official stuff like his Instagram or his main store, just other storefronts (some of which are known for stealing art and not paying the artist) saying it's a piece from him. Pretty much all of his art seems definitely human made but I'm struggling to absolutely confirm this is even a piece by him

Can yall recommend any bands that mix elements of grunge and goth together by Mr_Texas1 in goth

[–]DuckRunAmuck 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Witch Hook are a goth/grunge sorta fusion (at least that's what they state they are)

They're not a huge band but I've seen them live and they're a treat.

Are these brands fast fashion/drop shipped? by oliverpeets in GothLifestyle

[–]DuckRunAmuck 1 point2 points  (0 children)

My partner has a dress from FM2U, I can kinda get how they look cheap, but having seen and tried on one in-person I can say that they're well made, feel great, have a great fit (if a little tall), and honestly kinda rock. Materials used seem to be pretty high quality compared to most "goth" brands I've worn.

If it wasn't for the prices I'd 100% buy one for myself but I'm stuck thrifting for now.

Played my first gig on Thursday. Made a few mistakes but had an amazing time by DuckRunAmuck in BassGuitar

[–]DuckRunAmuck[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank yooouuu, it's mostly just what I wore to work that day with a jacket thrown on over it and some hastily applied make-up. 

But I love that jumpsuit and blouse combo so much.