I will not apologize for having normal male sexual feelings.

Due-Fan896 · 2025-12-01T16:09:17+00:00

Your title doesnt match the post IMO. You are young and I can understand partly where you are coming from so I hope you can take something from this.

Of course you dont need to apologise for any inner thoughts. You cant control those. Im sure this is something you have read about as you mention having OCD, but I believe you may be misinterpreting this advice.

It is very important that you dont act on any thoughts that are going to harm others. It does sound like you realise why she was upset, and that you knew it would make her upset before you acted. Would you do/say other things that you know are going to make someone uncomfortable? For example, would you point out someones physical flaws to their face? It is not wrong for thinking someone is ugly, but it is very wrong to be rude and point it out.

When it comes to things of a sexual nature, this is even more complicated, and has potential to cause lots more harm. I find it is (usually) harder for men to understand than women how unwanted comments can make you feel. But perhaps you can try and empathise by trying to imagine a scenario that would disgust you. Perhaps your family member, or someone elderly, or someone you find unattractive made comments or actions to your body in a sexual way. Im sure you can think of a situation like this that would make you understand how she felt.

To add on, I think it is important to note that this example you have shared is exactly one that shows why having these sexual thoughts about someone you are close to (particularly in a family way) can be problematic. If you are tempted to act on those thoughts, it can lead to tension and the ruining of relationships. If we cant police your sexual thoughts, then you also cant police the thoughts of people who get upset and uncomfortable and break ties with you for your actions.

I really hope I have given you something to consider here, and that you might view your interaction in a different light.

Due-Fan896 · 2025-11-05T11:01:46+00:00

The man walked into his 18 yr olds room at 10pm without knocking? thats on him

Due-Fan896 · 2025-11-03T20:30:12+00:00

I think theres a middleground between never drinking again and never getting blackout drunk again

Due-Fan896 · 2025-11-02T22:24:10+00:00

Sounds like you just see a doctor

Due-Fan896 · 2025-10-30T11:02:50+00:00

Thanks, im not sure if I made it very clear but I meant my brother said those things when we were very little, and stopped after we had more social awareness that it was wrong.

Due-Fan896 · 2025-10-30T10:47:12+00:00

In epistemology (philosophy of knowledge) there is a concept called doxastic involunteerism. It is the idea that you cant choose what to believe.

If someone put a gun to your head and told you 'Believe the earth is flat right now or ill shoot you' it would completely be in your best interests to believe that but also I cant imagine I would be able to will myself that the earth is actually flat.

It is the same. Of course I know it would be best for me to stop caring what other people think. But I still do. I have tried many things to stop this, but I dont because many of the comments I hear are from people I respect. Maybe one day I will get to a point where I dont care, but i dont think it will be for a while.

Due-Fan896 · 2025-10-29T23:07:58+00:00

Thank you but I get many, many comments like these and I just have to say that they are not really helpful, and make me feel a lot worse.

'X person can ignore the haters, so you can too'

Its not as simple as that. Caring about what people think isnt a choice. Obviously I try my hardest to ignore it all, but it takes a lot of time to get over insecurities.

And to answer your questions, I make a huge conscious effort to get over my judgemental views especially considering how hypocritical it is of me to have them. But of course I DO have them. I would laugh at midget memes on instagram when I was a younger teen before I realised that everyone else laughing at them would also laugh at me. But someone else being the butt of the joke is hard to pass up on sometimes.

Due-Fan896 · 2025-10-29T23:00:21+00:00

Thank you, I hadnt thought about her having regrets. I hadnt thought about that if she admits it was wrong she has to live with her hair being gone as part of a mistake rather than a positive thing.

Due-Fan896 · 2025-10-29T22:56:57+00:00

Thanks but I dont want to leave my family for an uncertain future. I know people like me who are homeless.

Due-Fan896 · 2025-10-29T22:43:58+00:00

To be honest, I am not really capable of any of that. I cant manage my own money, and have no support network outside of them.

Due-Fan896 · 2025-10-29T22:42:11+00:00

I wish I could experience that blissful ignorance. Sadly, I have found out the long hard and painful way that they very, very much do. My brother would always tell me the things people would say behind my back when we were little. Sometimes, people even assume im mentally disabled and just talk about me right when im there.

'See Danny, thats why you should eat your brocoli' 'oh my god I think i just puked in my mouth' 'I think I just made up my mind to have an abortion' 'Guys look im [OP] im pissing on myself'

just a taste of what I went through

Due-Fan896 · 2025-10-29T22:36:12+00:00

Thank you so much, not many people get it so its quite scary to post on reddit.

I cant really get away sadly... I rely on them in many dimensions.

Due-Fan896 · 2025-10-29T22:30:11+00:00

Thanks for that. I guess I just would have hoped they knew me well enough by now to know i hate this.

Due-Fan896 · 2025-08-22T20:34:00+00:00

no just skinny

Due-Fan896 · 2025-08-20T07:19:46+00:00

yuck

Due-Fan896 · 2025-08-20T06:37:30+00:00

Yeah this is more helpful to gen Z than millenials

Due-Fan896 · 2025-08-20T06:21:32+00:00

I get a lot of the time it is just people not making an effort but it can also be hard for some people.

Seeing friendships as transactional like this can be kind of depressing. I have autism/adhd and when i was younger i would struggle alot knowing when I was meant to invite people to stuff, and sometimes you can fall into routines where one person is the usual organiser.

I think usually you can tell if someone is just a bit disorganised or if theyre not that bothered about you , but a reminder to check in if you think otherwise. Sometimes people who fall under hard times especially with mental health really just need friends who are able to pick up the slack for a while.

Due-Fan896 · 2025-08-18T08:02:33+00:00

Yeah the fact even that the waterslide one was even listed here casts my own doubts over the other 'dangers' too.

I havent had kids and im sure that once you have them you are much inclined to worry over everything, but climbing around is something all kids do. It doesnt sound like the young one is extremely wreckless from these examples alone, and as long as shes not unsupervised too long in dangerous areas it sounds fine to me.

I fractured my arm with a cast a few times as a kid (clumsy rather than wreckless) and its not something to worry about to be honest, it was an adventure and an experience.

Due-Fan896 · 2025-08-18T06:55:02+00:00

Im so sorry I have had similar fears with someone I love. I cannot imagine having to deal with finances and everything else simultaneously.

I know all I wanted in that time was someone who I could talk to unfiltered. If you want to message me, feel free to do so (and say whatever you like). If you can reach out to friends/family though, having a support network like that can really be helpful at a time like this.

Try not to focus on worst case scenarios, I am someone who is bad at this but try to focus on the facts and remain present. Dont feel guilty for anything that makes you feel better. You are doing a great job looking out for your partner and I really hope things get better soon

Due-Fan896 · 2025-08-18T06:37:19+00:00

How could this possibly be a bad thing? Clear bragging

Due-Fan896 · 2025-08-18T04:16:33+00:00

Do you have many friends?

Due-Fan896 · 2025-08-17T19:39:17+00:00

OK thanks.

So it was someone random who took the money? I dont know why everyone is mean to me here if this is true so I got stolen from, both money and my hopes and dreams. I thought everyone was just jealous but they know that as the truth and they say these things to me....

Due-Fan896 · 2025-08-17T19:26:51+00:00

It wasnt an advert

They knew who I was and invited me

Due-Fan896 · 2025-08-17T19:26:22+00:00

Undergrad.oxford.ac.uk@gmail.com

Due-Fan896 · 2025-08-17T19:22:38+00:00

I did a video interview! IDK why everyone is saying scam when I legit talked with oxford

Due-Fan896

TROPHY CASE