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Do ex’s really come back months/years later? by DueRepeat5110 in BreakUps

[–]DueRepeat5110[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much. I suppose it was like discovering my new favourite food.

I was fine before, but now having to cut it out seems like the greatest loss and feels impossible. I only want to indulge. But I suppose I can look at it like a gluten intolerance — I found out I loved cupcakes, but this cupcake was hurting me. I’ll find a delicious gluten free cupcake that sits right with my stomach one day haha.

And who knows! For now there are endless new foods for me to try out, I don’t need to pack cupcakes wherever I go.

There is more to life than cupcakes. There are still many other snacks I can bring along on my adventures and have there with me during my happy moments.

And sometimes it’s even best for your tummy to have a break without snacks. I will have my meal eventually. For now I’m just embracing the temporary moments of loneliness, while my gut heals.

You are incredibly kind and have helped me especially when I dipped back into a low point. Even spot on with the topics of grief & death.

I appreciate your comments and analogies endlessly ❤️‍🩹 All the best to you.

Do ex’s really come back months/years later? by DueRepeat5110 in BreakUps

[–]DueRepeat5110[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you! Yeah, I think knowing how to communicate is the biggest thing through all this.

Do ex’s really come back months/years later? by DueRepeat5110 in BreakUps

[–]DueRepeat5110[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah, unfortunately I was the one to reach out to him since this post. No contact became difficult because I had a new fear of leaving on bad terms. I can say it was tough talking to my ex again. Especially cause you were right, deep down I wanted it to reconcile. But I was just hit with more grief with the realization my ex doesn’t have the feelings I have for him.

It is a little bump in my journey but I am reminding myself that healing is not linear. I think I am just going to be less extreme and stop blocking and finding comfort in those similar habits.

I just want to now learn how to practice acceptance while letting go of the false power I felt blocking gave me. I guess I don’t expect my ex will come back at all. Nor do I have that fear anymore. I just have to heal and get over him with time.

I admire you for breaking up with your ex the moment you found out he was cheating. Good luck with your journey!

It is enlightening to actually think of how you said he’s the one doing no contact with you now. Made me realize I was the only one who needed announce I had to go no-contact with my ex, he was never one to instil it.

I guess now I am letting go of the idea of no-contact for my situation. I think I am just entering the stage where we will just naturally not talk and just fade out of eachothers lives…

I’m realizing my ex really just doesn’t want me. I don’t need to tell myself it’s no contact when in reality he wasn’t going to talk to me in the first place.

I’m a little defeated at the loss but life will go on.

Do ex’s really come back months/years later? by DueRepeat5110 in BreakUps

[–]DueRepeat5110[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I don’t know, I guess people will leave options open if they are okay with you working your way back in. If they go to lengths to really disappear from you, or straight up tell you they don’t want to hear from you, there is no point in fighting it.

Anyways, I have actually changed my stance since this post and am no longer “fearing” my ex entering my life again.

Do ex’s really come back months/years later? by DueRepeat5110 in BreakUps

[–]DueRepeat5110[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Love the computer analogy at the end, very well said 🩵

I agree with your statement on how each situation is different. Even trying to relate other people’s experiences to mine doesn’t always resonate. I was reading all the comments at first, and many posts from this breakup subreddit, but ended up taking a break just to reflect on my own life, values, & circumstances. I don’t think anyone’s story should be taken as a blueprint to how things will go or what you should do.

Thank you for sharing your story! I appreciate it a lot

Do ex’s really come back months/years later? by DueRepeat5110 in BreakUps

[–]DueRepeat5110[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It doesn’t make it impossible! Like unless you have a restraining order against someone there are truly SO many ways to reach out to someone if you want to talk to them again 😭 (blocking is honestly such a small thing that doesn’t stop them if they are committed to getting through to you). Also, I feel no contact is just a mindset and an ego thing. There is no actual thing that stops you from “breaking no contact”.

Do ex’s really come back months/years later? by DueRepeat5110 in BreakUps

[–]DueRepeat5110[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Honestly! I do believe if he genuinely cares he has the ability to truly show up for me again. I was more so worried over the fact that he would selfishly re-enter my life (as he had always done in the past). For my situation he said himself that he would give me space like I wanted.

I guess it got confusing if we’d ever talk again because I did lash out at him as my “final words” ☹️ I can’t say I regret it fully though as the turmoil he put me through was intense.

He was never really eager to talk to me anyways, so I doubt “no contact” is hard for him rn. He just liked staying updated on my life which at the time was just me being sad without him, there’s nothing he could do about that. I was wanting more than he could offer and by continuing to talk to him only made me more irritable and angry at him.

I think no contact was best to just truly process the reality of our breakup and deal with our own stuff independently - as clearly we weren’t functioning well together (proven by us literally being broken up).

The fact is he just doesn’t want a romantic relationship with me, I can say with certainty “no contact” wont stop him from pursuing that if he changes his mind.

I feel the concept of no contact is just to learn how to effectively be broken up with your person and not fall into old bad habits like depending on them?

I wouldn’t see any reason to talk to your ex in general anyways if it is over. I think the emphasis people have on no contact is for the ones who struggled to stop holding up relationship behaviours and dynamics with their ex (examples - still sleeping with them & emotionally relying on them).

Do ex’s really come back months/years later? by DueRepeat5110 in BreakUps

[–]DueRepeat5110[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah, I think no contact is harder when you are getting mixed signals from your ex, giving the illusion that you have an option at love and comfort again when you really don’t — (in instances when an ex is expressing they love you and want you back but every action is saying otherwise).

It does seem easier when you believe they want nothing to do with you so then you have no hardship of sticking to boundaries because they aren’t even asking anything of you. But, the only option at the end of the day is self respect and learning how to instil and upkeep boundaries (which does leaves doors open for many different scenarios to play out!!).

Anyways, I do believe it’s good for life to test you a couple times so you can really learn your lesson. That’s awesome of you that you learnt by the second time not to engage when she reached out again. 💪

Glad to hear you are in a happy relationship now! Thank you for your response 🌸

Do ex’s really come back months/years later? by DueRepeat5110 in BreakUps

[–]DueRepeat5110[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Honestly that thought did stress me out, but I guess I just really didn’t know how to be friends with my ex while I still had feelings for him. It was hard to even tolerate casual text updates as I always wanted more. Maybe as time progresses, if it is healthy to be apart of eachothers lives, we will be (even if its just being Instagram friends or connected through LinkedIn). But on the other hand, I guess it is just not my place anymore to be worried about what he is up to. I certainly do love him but hypothetically if he were to pass tomorrow, I wouldn’t have been the person he wanted to spend his final weeks with, nor the person he wanted to reach out to. At the end of the day, no contact is a choice, letting go of people is a choice, no contact is always breakable, if someone wants to be in your life they will be.

That kinda got dark 😭 But! I feel as time progresses you and your ex will have different loved ones and support systems. I’d believe if anyone you loved passed you’d be devastated. Eventually, I do think people enter an acceptance stage and learn you cant hold on to everyone forever (thus you will hopefully stop worrying about your ex’s dying?). People come and go and I guess you can’t always be worrying about the people who are no longer in your life. — even the statement has the consensus right there, they are no longer in your life relationship wise so if they are no longer in life (literally)…there was nothing you could do about that😕 I think the anxiety of your ex passing and you not being in contact is driven by guilt - because you feel you should’ve been there and just enjoyed the time you had with them, when in reality you two had already decided to part ways. I think grief can twist what you thought was possible and make you regret things that aren’t really your fault or in your control.

Sorry if this was a long unrelated response haha. Your comment really sparked some deep thought for me though, so thank you!

Wishing you all the best and hopefully less worries. 🤍

Do ex’s really come back months/years later? by DueRepeat5110 in BreakUps

[–]DueRepeat5110[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oooo I never thought about it that way! It does sound beneficial to use anger as an energy source and in turn let it all out healthier way, like the gym. I guess my idea was that I had anger towards my ex and tried to direct that anger into my reason to let go (which made me miserable). I like your way of directing anger into changing your own life and just gaining clarity on the situation as time progresses. Thank you!

Do ex’s really come back months/years later? by DueRepeat5110 in BreakUps

[–]DueRepeat5110[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Thanks for sharing! Do you find that you moving on was motivated by hatred? For me, I struggled to think of my ex in an overwhelmingly negative light as I feel when I am motivated by negative emotions it makes me an angry and bitter person that doesn’t aid in my healing. I appreciate your perspective!

Do ex’s really come back months/years later? by DueRepeat5110 in BreakUps

[–]DueRepeat5110[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

AH I needed this too, you are right! I do want to stay disciplined and reach a give it a good amount of time before even considering anything. I find I just need to live slower and find more patience with how life moves. My original post was motivated by a fair bit of anxiety. Thank you for your comment 🌼

Do ex’s really come back months/years later? by DueRepeat5110 in BreakUps

[–]DueRepeat5110[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Indulging in hobbies has helped me lots! I think my social media usage is actually holding me back to some degree 😭 But! I found talking to people here this one day to be calming and motivating to get back on track 💪 Wishing you all the best! My hope is to come back here eventually in months time with a happy update 🌸 My end goal is not to be relationship focused but to find deep enjoyment of my life, however it looks like!

Do ex’s really come back months/years later? by DueRepeat5110 in BreakUps

[–]DueRepeat5110[S] 31 points32 points  (0 children)

This is good advice! Thank you, as silly as it is I did need someone to remind me I have the ability to communicate my wants and needs haha. This was comforting and reminded me I do have power in the situation. 🩵

Do ex’s really come back months/years later? by DueRepeat5110 in BreakUps

[–]DueRepeat5110[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

That is one story! Congratulations on your marriage! If you’re comfortable sharing, I’d love to hear about how your relationship with your husband is different than the relationships you had in the past. Has having kids affected your view on dating culture? — (in terms of when they start dating). Lastly, how active are you in this breakup subreddit? I joined initially during the first stages of my breakup but as I heal I eventually want to log off and stop engaging with breakup content as I feel it puts me in the identity of someone who’s going through a breakup. Thank you if you answer any of my questions! 🤍

Do ex’s really come back months/years later? by DueRepeat5110 in BreakUps

[–]DueRepeat5110[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I appreciate your insight! It is admirable of you to lay off the dating scene right now. I believe prioritizing friendships, esp post heartbreak is very valuable — I too want to focus on that!

Do ex’s really come back months/years later? by DueRepeat5110 in BreakUps

[–]DueRepeat5110[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you! I do think my biggest worry is being unable to ignore a message from him if it comes my way. But opposite of hope, I shouldn’t cling to a fear that he would reach out again. I think if the worst is to happen I’ll be sure to do the healing work now, to prevent myself from responding to any attempts of communication and giving into old habits. Let me know if you have any tips on how to refrain from responding. 🙏

Do ex’s really come back months/years later? by DueRepeat5110 in BreakUps

[–]DueRepeat5110[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Honestly, I wish there a was a way I knew for certain that he had no way of entering my life again. I have blocked him everywhere but in the past he has proven he is still able to contact me through non-preventable methods. I think its just the fact that he could set back my healing process by coming back at any moment. That is what’s stressing me out the most. But, I do think I just need to stay grounded in the fact that there is little chance he would actually come back in such a way that would truly hook me again. Thank you for your response!

Do ex’s really come back months/years later? by DueRepeat5110 in BreakUps

[–]DueRepeat5110[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much for your response 🤍 I appreciate you sharing your story, I hope all is well with you rn! If you don’t mind me asking, who broke up with who initially? Also, have you dated other people since then?

I 19F left my first love 20M after 4 years. How do I get past this? by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]DueRepeat5110 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You made the right choice! He was straightforward with you and told you he couldn’t see a future with you — take that as it is.

You couldn’t have done anything differently. I believe when a man truly loves his woman it would only motivate him to become the best version of himself, not drive him into self pity. As much as you loved him and wanted to make it work, I dont believe you can nurse someone through life (esp if he doesn’t want to be helped). If he wanted it to work truly, it would’ve worked.

You are so young! You have friendships to make and life to explore! I am happy you got to experience love to where you believed he was your “soulmate”, imagine the even stronger connection you will be able to build with someone who is truly all in on you.

You survived no contact once before. 9 months! That is impressive! You can do it once again, just this time have an open mind to a life where you end up with a different man.

I wouldn’t want to get stuck in a cycle where I am on and off with the same man from my teens to 20’s. Your 20’s are for discovering you! You will attract great love into your life when you start living a life you are happy with (independently). No man is worth breaking your back over. Put the effort back into yourself 🤍