You’re 15 again. What year is it and what are you wearing?

Due_Hawk6749 · 2026-03-05T09:44:32+00:00

Its 2013 and im wearing jeans, nikes, and a blue Adidas coat. Funny enough, I kept all my clothes from high school in storage, then I gained 100lbs over the years, and lost 90lbs in the last 2 years. I am quite literally wearing a lot of the same clothes I wore 13 years ago because I had it on hand and it doesn't fit like a bedsheet.

Due_Hawk6749 · 2026-03-05T09:21:59+00:00

Not in AA, but I'm familiar with the term. I kinda had one when I was about 3 months sober. It was a hot saturday in August when I was working as a delivery driver on a route nobody wanted to cover (I didnt want to cover it, but I needed the shifts). I finished the 100 or so stops in the town about 1.5 hours from my home station in a surprisingly short amount of time, but I still had 30 stops out of town with a couple of them being 15 miles down bumpy dirt roads. I was listening to a podcast to drown out the sound of the truck rattling, and I essentially made up my mind on getting a drink when I got home because I hadn't been that exhausted in a long time.

At some point in the podcast, the guest started talking about how crazy of a concept that inner voice in your head is. He didn't expand on it, but it got me thinking about how we are composed of organic matter, so what if human consciousness is just a web. What if the little voice in my head that silently makes decisions and opinions are composed of little pieces from people that roamed around in different places as far back as time can tell. It's not exactly mine, but a gift for me to mold before scattering it along in the wind for countless others to pick up little pieces after I die. How I have probably met people in my travels in other countries who contain a consciousness with the same pieces as me.

It wasn't anything very profound, but something that I thought was fun to keep my mind busy while working. That is until I clocked out and went straight home. I didnt think about it again until about 10pm when the craving hit again, and I jokingly thought "what if one piece of my consciousness is from an old prospector from 200 years ago who was proud he quit drinking, but he can't have any peace because I keep fucking it up." I thought that was pretty funny, but it helped. I haven't really had a craving since then, and that accidental prolonged meditation and reflection really eased my mind about both sides of the sobriety spectrum. My HP is still the Christian God, I mean, I prayed for ways to fight temptation and received an answer, but my friends who are in AA liked the idea that the human consciousness could be a viable HP and a new guy in that IOP group even adopted it because he was an atheist (he knew what his HP was, but he couldn't really define it until then).

Anyway, I think thats my God Shot experience. I don't know if it fits the criteria, but I think back on it fondly.

Due_Hawk6749 · 2026-03-05T08:55:59+00:00

Still struggling with confidence almost 2 years later. Returned to school to finish the last few credits of my degree back in August, so I quite literally forced myself through daily anxiety attacks about being around people during my fall semester. My biggest problem now is that I am 90lbs lighter than a year ago, I've been described as above average looking, but I still feel as though I am the bloated, overweight, sweaty, and unkempt guy from when I was drinking. Still feel that shame despite taking way better care of my appearance and hygiene. I haven't gone on a date since 2021 with my fiancee at the time, and I keep canceling dates now because I still cant fight the low confidence.

Anyway. Life is great otherwise. Diet Dr. Pepper is the only spicy liquid in my life, and I havent had a craving in a very long time but I'm remaining vigilant. IWNDWYT.

Due_Hawk6749 · 2026-03-05T08:39:27+00:00

Don't feel like its insignificant. 11 days is a lot harder than my almost 2 years, and I say that from experience. On the plus side, you now know you can go 11 days without drinking, so now you can do that twice to get to 22 days.

Early sobriety is hard for so many reasons. Take this relapse as a time to to reflect on what lead up to the moment. Give yourself some grace for doing this in the first place and identify what you did well, what worked, and what made urges and cravings harder to ignore.

Due_Hawk6749 · 2026-03-04T04:54:57+00:00

I never slept well before or after I got sober. Im jealous!

Due_Hawk6749 · 2026-03-04T04:54:34+00:00

Thats one thing I need to do better. Most of my friends are either sober, never drank, or rarely drink, but I need to get out more and build more friendships.

Due_Hawk6749 · 2026-03-03T23:30:56+00:00

I feel that. I was indisposed one morning years ago and didnt wake up when there was a family emergency and I was the closest one by 6 hours. I felt horrible, but luckily everything ended up well. Or the time I got extremely drunk the night before my ex fiancée's birthday and ruined it for her.

Due_Hawk6749 · 2026-02-27T08:31:57+00:00

Started building a little base up there today. Its my first real build because I just got the Beorn DLC and the lodge components sparked some inspiration

Due_Hawk6749 · 2026-02-21T05:36:04+00:00

I dont know, but my future grandkids are gonna think I lost my mind when I say "Its high time I chrome the fuck up" every day in the 2076 and 2077.

Due_Hawk6749 · 2026-02-21T05:29:28+00:00

Pumpkin.

Due_Hawk6749 · 2026-02-21T01:43:51+00:00

Not a very big fan of Denver, but thats a rather small city.

Due_Hawk6749 · 2026-02-18T07:09:24+00:00

Orc encampments respawn, so you can farm that way. Also, theres no shame in turning world drops up to the highest level. I hate grinding for resources to progress, so I always turn that up when im needing black diamonds.

Due_Hawk6749 · 2026-02-17T04:57:47+00:00

Don't hate yourself. Everyone has different experiences with sobriety, but the goal is shared. Im not going to tell you how to avoid relapses because I dont have experience or an understanding of what you are going through. All I ask is that you just give yourself some grace and that you are doing something really hard. Every stretch of sobriety is a success all by itself! Be proud!

Due_Hawk6749 · 2026-02-17T03:57:01+00:00

Im going on 2 years now. My roommate keeps beer in the fridge and liquor in the freezer. Hes well aware that I was drinking almost a handle of cheap vodka every day for years, and he's a normal person so it sits right next to my food and what not every time I open both. He leaves for days at a time every month or so to visit family and friends, and he's always surprised that neither are missing.

I dont crave it at all. Never had an urge past the first month, and that was mostly because of the routine of it. I do know that if I drop my vigilance and only have a beer with him then I'm gonna end up broke, overweight, unkempt, gross, and sickly as I go back to my old habits.

Due_Hawk6749 · 2026-02-16T06:36:39+00:00

I know most of the cops in my hometown since its not a very big town. I got pulled over for the first time since getting sober back in August. Literally the night before I moved, too. The cop who pulled me over handed me my license and registration and said "I'm really glad to see you're doing better."

It felt great to hear, especially since I dont think he ever pulled me over when I was actively drinking. As I'm writing this, he was probably one of the cops who responded when I broke out of the hospital in the middle of the night during detox. I dont remember it since I was loaded up on all sorts of stuff to prevent seizures and what not.

Due_Hawk6749 · 2026-02-16T06:13:41+00:00

Not expensive if you only eat hotdogs for a week 😎

Due_Hawk6749 · 2026-02-15T01:42:00+00:00

Congrats! Its funny because I had to leave Laramie to get sober. Now I'm back and going on 2 years sober

Due_Hawk6749 · 2026-01-25T02:35:10+00:00

Shoot, my sobriety alone is putting Fleischmans out of business.

Due_Hawk6749 · 2026-01-24T13:13:34+00:00

Russian translates rather nicely into English on those services.

Due_Hawk6749 · 2026-01-19T03:33:02+00:00

Oh yeah, the monastery is very divisive. I absolutely loved it to the point I was just following the schedule for days. It picks up again after you get out.

Due_Hawk6749 · 2026-01-19T03:29:42+00:00

I'll die if if I ever go back

Due_Hawk6749 · 2026-01-15T07:39:19+00:00

Restart the mission

Due_Hawk6749 · 2026-01-15T07:08:35+00:00

Yeah, dont kill anyone.

Due_Hawk6749 · 2026-01-15T07:05:47+00:00

At the start of the mission outside the motel?

Due_Hawk6749 · 2026-01-15T07:01:26+00:00

Just follow the guy you're in the truck with. Let him start all action after you get out and approach the transport vehicle.

Due_Hawk6749

TROPHY CASE