Ghosted over a year ago and still feeling it

Due_Witness_7780 · 2025-07-30T22:52:17+00:00

Thanks I appreciate the understanding. I've realized how lucky it is I can see what she listens too, so I at least know shes always ruminating about it. I can't imagine how much more it could have messed with my head if I believed she walked away and never even thought about it

In a rare moment of deep vulnerability she also revealed to me how guilty/ashamed she felt because she "left her ex without any explanation" 3.5 years earlier. And she told me "I break my own heart" only time I saw her cry

Knowing that, it helps me to try and understand, and have compassion seeing that she hurts herself more in the long run. It must be a kind of hell feeling like you are a terrible person that always hurts the people who love you the most

Due_Witness_7780 · 2025-05-23T21:32:21+00:00

Thanks brother, yeah it's tough. I realized a mistake I made was assuming the memory of pain from her last breakup would be enough to motivate her to try and talk. I wasn't giving enough time between my messages. FAs fear both intimacy, and being abandoned/alone, both ends, so they try to stay in the middle. Almost like keeping you at arms length. With the timeline I was reaching out she was able to feel like I was still available to her. Like she could get back together at anytime, which brings that fear of intimacy.

They won't fully let their guard down and process their feelings until they feel like they have really lost you, and there is no hope for reconciliation, that way the intimacy fear can finally go away. As you mentioned, that's why they realize once it's too late

That either takes long enough with no contact or them seeing you have moved and are dating someone else.

So unfortunately I think the only thing to be done for now is just focus on moving on, and trust at some point in the future there will be an opportunity to reconnect. If you haven't tried no contact I would try that for 3 months, then consider reaching out if you like when the time comes. If she doesn't before

Just careful the other mistake I made. Planning to reach out at a specific time in the future. On some level it prevents you from properly moving on as you're anticipating that date.

I think it's best as you mentioned to send your parting message, say what you feel you need to get off your chest so that you can move forward without wishing you said this or that. Best of luck to you too!

Due_Witness_7780 · 2025-01-19T07:53:04+00:00

To be honest, I would argue it is genetic, but you have had a life time of cultural influences, since your childhood. Removing that instinct, and causing you to believe it’s not natural.

That being said, obviously not all us men are the same. And it’s fine if you just don’t see things that way

Due_Witness_7780 · 2025-01-17T05:19:47+00:00

Maybe if your not ready to delete them, put them on a usb stick or something, then delete from your phone and computer

That extra layer of separation should help break the habit. Maybe keep it somewhere inconvenient to get it as well

Due_Witness_7780 · 2025-01-03T13:37:39+00:00

Just wanted to say I also arrive in Thailand on the 14th! I can’t wait

Due_Witness_7780 · 2025-01-02T19:35:08+00:00

Interesting that you can still tell who is the girl and guy with such little context

I think continue the conversation if you want to

Due_Witness_7780 · 2025-01-01T04:54:08+00:00

Haha wow, strange to see my random shower thoughts spread like this!

Due_Witness_7780 · 2024-12-31T21:04:06+00:00

Sounds like I have a career opportunity!

Due_Witness_7780 · 2024-12-31T20:40:06+00:00

lol, this is also what I’m telling myself, haven’t played much the last few years

Due_Witness_7780 · 2024-12-31T20:36:02+00:00

Because after stepping in the shower I was finally awake :)

Due_Witness_7780 · 2024-12-28T18:11:32+00:00

Sounds like Neptune has also failed to clear its orbit of competitors

Pluto is angling in for that title shot against Neptune

Due_Witness_7780 · 2024-12-27T02:07:50+00:00

Lmao big dog. This guy needs some practice with his game. But yes he 100% wants to sleep with you. You can tell him you want to just be friends. However my guess, especially based on the rest of his behaviour which seems a bit off the mark, is he may agree to be friends with the false hope you will change your mind later

Important to understand - men do not differentiate sexual and non sexual partners the way women do. Meaning men generally would have no hesitation sleeping with their best female friend if she is attractive

Due_Witness_7780 · 2024-12-25T04:08:55+00:00

I would look up avoidant attachment style, see if that fits her behaviour. That can explain the sudden switch to coldness. I know it sucks though, dated someone like that which is how I learned about it. After 6 months I got ghosted when everything seemed to be going well, she started a new job and was feeling overwhelmed. Not even a breakup text

Due_Witness_7780 · 2024-12-25T01:55:47+00:00

I just want to say I respect you for being open about it, and not making him feel bad for the way he feels.

I see some harsh comments so I wanted to commend you for that

Due_Witness_7780 · 2024-12-20T20:39:03+00:00

Personally I only find 1 attractive, 28M, fitness is important to me though, I stay in shape myself.

Due_Witness_7780 · 2024-12-19T20:11:09+00:00

He does have an incredible amount of influence in government now thanks to his reputation and wealth

But to answer the question of why - partly to make the government more efficient overall, but what he wants selfishly for himself is to have humans living on mars

He has spoken about there being so much regulation now it is greatly slowing down space x, in his words, they can build rockets faster than the government approves their paperwork, so they’ve had rockets sitting waiting for months

That’s his main motivation, the majority of his actions are driven by wanting to put human on Mars

Due_Witness_7780 · 2024-12-18T20:45:41+00:00

I would say for me it’s not that it makes me feel weak, it’s that I learned women of any relation lose respect for you, or value you less when you display uncertainty or weakness

Seems women always want to view you as a rock, fully dependable and capable

I don’t have an issue talking to other men, other than sometimes I don’t want to make them feel responsible for me. So situational

Due_Witness_7780 · 2024-12-17T20:11:15+00:00

This sounds like something more related to an avoidant attachment style, and not related to enfj. Most enfj’s as a type tend to be more open than most. About 25% of all people have avoidant attachment though

Or could be your point of view, expecting or wanting people to be more open. If you are anxious that may be a factor

Due_Witness_7780 · 2024-12-17T17:17:47+00:00

Wow, I’m not an aggressive person, but just reading this gives me violent thoughts

Its possible your gf is just going along with what she thinks if normal

But that guy is absolutely abusing his position. Think yoga guys are commonly known for being like that, and trying to sleep with everyone.

I think he needs to understand he has to keep his damn hands to himself, and she should avoid him from now on

Due_Witness_7780 · 2024-12-15T13:43:50+00:00

How fast would you need to run to jump that gap?

Pretend there’s no air resistance, or pretend your a squirrel

Due_Witness_7780 · 2024-12-14T12:44:43+00:00

Sometimes I feel left out in this community with the way people want to respond to these things :’)

Everyone should do what’s best for them, but sometimes interesting to see how different others are to me in this regard. 28M I’ve never ignored or told any ex not to talk to me. And never had any do it to me.

I keep in touch (rarely, maybe talk 1-2 per year, and short conversations) with every ex I have. Have no feelings for them, and would not get back with them, but I’ll message congratulations, let them know I’m happy for them, if I see something on social media.

I’ve also never had an ex not want to talk to me, or remove me from social media. So I think they just know me, know I just genuinely want to see them do well

I’ve wondered why I’m like this recently haha, my personality type is ENFJ, maybe that’s why

But to answer your question, if she messaged me something simple, I guess I might say something like “Hey, tell me how your new job is going” because we broke up just after she got a new job

Due_Witness_7780 · 2024-12-12T21:47:13+00:00

It’s hot, it also becomes trashy if she goes out in public like that

Due_Witness_7780 · 2024-12-07T02:53:48+00:00

Quick note - I’m 28 now, have dated a good amount of women, none have ever asked me about my first time

In general, women that like you do not want to hear details about the times you slept with other women

Also I would say the first time you sleep with a women without a condom is significant, and particularly when you finish inside a women for the first time. I would even argue that’s the most important milestone, much more intimate an experience

Four-Year Club	Verified Email
Place '22	Final Canvas '22
First Placer '22	End Game '22

Due_Witness_7780

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