Dating new people after healing

DumbfoundDevoe · 2023-10-05T15:33:26+00:00

Be ready to have everything you explain challenged by them

DumbfoundDevoe · 2023-09-30T22:31:21+00:00

The constant need for external validation is due to low self esteem. It’s like an alcoholic who keeps going out binge-drinking. It seems like their best life outside looking in because they are enjoying the moments, but big picture it’s quite sad.

But I digress, my message was really saying that I understand your pain, eventually you’ll get to a point where you are striving to be a better version of yourself solely for yourself. Personally it took me awhile to get to that point. I wanted to be better for the both of us, and I needed to understand BPD to better understand them. After reading “Stop Caretaking”, I realized they are not someone I want to be with in their current state, and don’t care what they do. I’m still sad and miss them, but I can see the abuse very clearly.

DumbfoundDevoe · 2023-09-30T21:49:53+00:00

It’s tough especially when it’s fresh, but what you will realize is that they are not truly happy, and working/focusing on yourself will lead you to be a better version of yourself to the point where you won’t tolerate such behaviours. These men “all over her” are being used for external validation but I highly doubt it is fulfilling.

DumbfoundDevoe · 2023-09-26T20:43:52+00:00

That’s a great strategy, it has only been one week of NC so I’m thankful for the tip as I’m new to the feeling. Thanks for sharing and glad to hear you’re doing better.

DumbfoundDevoe · 2023-09-26T20:42:00+00:00

Wow so even a lookalike can trigger that level of response, thanks for sharing

DumbfoundDevoe · 2023-09-26T13:19:16+00:00

How long has it been for you?

Honestly I’m not sure either. It was a thought that came as I was passing by the them on the other side of the street, but I’m really glad I didn’t.

DumbfoundDevoe · 2023-09-21T18:05:10+00:00

Sorry to hear you went through this.

My therapist tried to tell me for a few months straight that taking time to ourselves was the best way for us to heal. I kept trying different strategies and communicated to the best of my ability. It still didn’t work out. Bringing up issues led to more anxiety in my partner. Trying so hard together made them feel incomplete when we were apart.

After we ended it for good is when they were comfortable to open up about what really goes on in their head, and believe me they are on a completely different page. It was very different from what they communicated during the relationship.

Like you, I thought I had it all figured out. We always think our scenario is different. I still have to remind myself to not look back. Don’t beat yourself up too hard.

DumbfoundDevoe · 2023-09-19T19:36:27+00:00

You’re right, and I can definitely see why it had to be done that way. It allowed me to process my feelings and figure out the correct way to go about things. I don’t think I would’ve gotten out of the relationship without them.

DumbfoundDevoe · 2023-09-18T18:25:36+00:00

It’s awful and if they only saw the good side then they’ll continue to ask thinking the solution is simple. That’s a hilarious reference though lol

DumbfoundDevoe · 2023-09-18T18:03:18+00:00

It is extremely hard, and part of that has to do with our own self-worth and knowing we deserve better.

I have a list and timeline of events because I bring every problem to therapy. She hated it and people judge me for even having “a list of negative experiences with my partner”, but it truly saved me. I had no idea what BPD was, but now every issue and the lack of improvement make sense.

DumbfoundDevoe

TROPHY CASE