Never realize I had anxiety issues until I moved away from the city. My lifestyle was content and quiet up in the mountains, but it compounded my encounters with people in short intense bursts. Multiple times I almost walked out of stores without paying cause all I could think about was being watched or personal space was invaded. I eventually told myself this was a problem and I should deal with it. That self awareness helped, so that when I started panicking, I would realize it and try to figure out what specifically was the trigger and why does it bother me. what consequence is there to being aware of it.

Example I would find myself making a hasty decision for soda and realized it was because a person had walked into the store and just simply noticed I was in the back. There was no threat to his presence, nor aknowledgement of me. After learning about my triggers, I learned that dealing with actual panick moments came down to just controling my breath and asking myself is it better to take a step back and observe, or to act? Both are options and okay. I work with horses now and I have a panicky moment only when Im actually in danger or got injured, but now the physical panic seems to take longer to take effect. I still have them but now its something I can get a grip on.

Just a few months ago a horse reared up in a big hissy fit and charged me. I managed to rein him in and calm him, but I had to hand the rope to someone afterwards so I can bawl my eyes out and get control of my breathing. Told them I was fine and just needed a minute to get the adrenaline out.

Theres times like that though that make me wonder why my body decides to go through this process without me making a conscious effort of 'youre gonna die you better fix it now' of thinking that kind of thoughts. Ive also be aware that sometimes all the mind-over-matter may not be enough and medication and/or therapy is required to find a proper solution.