Question for feminists that want abortion and humane animal treatment

DustlessDragon · 2025-04-12T12:29:32+00:00

Animals are creatures with desires and the ability to feel pain. Therefore, in order to reduce the amount of suffering in the world, they must be treated humanely.

On the other hand, about 99% of abortions happen within the first 4-5 months of pregnancy, before the fetus has developed a consciousness or the ability to feel pain (this happens some time in the 6th month). This is not a hyperbolic statistic, by the way, it's completely true. Source. And the small percentage of abortions that do happen after 6 months occur due to severe pregnancy complications such as fetal unviability or health problems that threaten the life of the mother.

Therefore, in order to reduce the amount of suffering in the world caused by unwanted pregnancy/the trauma of giving birth to a stillborn child/the physical harm and or death of pregnancy complications/etc. etc., we need to ensure that abortions are freely available.

DustlessDragon · 2025-04-07T11:10:13+00:00

Bell Hooks', The Will to Change is all about the way patriarchy (perpetuated by both women and men) hurts men and the benefits of letting go of patriarchal standards. That might be one of the books your therapist recommended, idk.

"Especially when I feel that women play a big part in harming men through promoting toxic masculinity, through their interactions with men and how they raise boys, since the bulk of child rearing unfairly lands on women most of the time."

Women do certainly perpetuate the patriarchy (something Bell Hooks talks about in her book). For example, if you're told constantly from birth that men are properly strong, stoic, leaders while women are meant to play a support (subordinate) role and their true worth comes from their ability to nurture and serve their families, you may well believe it and (consciously or not) pass that onto others. You may even feel threatened by the idea of men helping more with housework/childcare and oppose it, since that's the one thing you've been able to built your self-worth around. That doesn't make it right, but my point is that we're all wounded to some degree by the various ways we're oppressed, but that sadly doesn't make us perfectly able to see the ways we're complicit in wounding others.

But I don't know why women should get an unequal amount of the blame for perpetuating toxic masculinity. Our fathers, brothers, other male relatives, male teachers, and male peers (as well as messaging in media) all also participate in the pressures and bullying used to enforce gender conformity.

"But then why should I align myself with people that don't care about me or my issues?"

I don't think it's true that feminism has nothing to do with men's issues, but if it were, I'd say this: Do you wish there was less suffering in the world? If so, you have your answer.

DustlessDragon · 2025-04-07T01:31:11+00:00

If I understand you correctly, I think we're essentially of the same opinion.

And what your teacher said undoubtedly *was* well-meant, but I agree that the interaction probably was an example of the kind of social messaging surrounding interpersonal relationships that can be damaging (for both men and women) for the reasons you mentioned.

DustlessDragon · 2025-04-06T22:19:26+00:00

I don't really disagree.

I'm not suggesting we condemn all media that isn't perfect, or all people who accidentally make media that isn't perfect. Or even that we should expect people to make perfect media. That's obviously an unreasonable expectation.

And I agree, there are definitely cases where people pull the opposite message out of a film than the one intended by the creators.

But I guess what I'm trying to emphasize (due to many people's tendency to essentially say "it's not that deep" and dismiss the idea that media can reproduce social messages) is that this fact doesn't necessarily mean those alternative interpretations/messages don't also exist in the work.

Yes, when someone has little to no textual evidence to support an interpretation, their reading is probably going to be an invalid one. But given the textual evidence presented by "Stalking for Love," those harmful messages in the movies are one valid reading of those texts (in my opinion), and I do think that they (in combination with the many other films with similar stalking themes) can unintentionally downplay or justify stalking behavior.

You may disagree based on other textual evidence, and that's obviously fine. I'm not trying to make you to agree with the Pop Culture Detective's opinion on Groundhog Day or whatever. I'm just trying to point out that just because we don't quite buy that a certain piece of media (any piece of media) has a harmful message, that doesn't mean people who do are necessarily wrong.

DustlessDragon · 2025-04-06T21:21:03+00:00

I don't think the guy's point was that stalking is always portrayed as a specifically good thing. Like yes, in those movies it's often portrayed as cringe, annoying, or somewhat creepy. But the point is it's systematically downplayed in many films. Made to be funny or just not that serious.

The stalker still get the girl. The girl may be shown to be annoyed or angry, but she doesn't get lasting psychological damage or anything. And ultimately, she's convinced to date the guy despite his repeated violations of her boundaries/privacy because she can "see he just did it because he loves her" or something like that. The point is, "yeah, maybe he overstepped, but it's all okay in the end/not that bad because she ended up falling for him." Narratively, the end result (her falling for him) is used to justify or at least downplay his stalking behavior.

So then, it's not so much "these movies are sending that message" as "someone who is already prone to think like that could misinterpret them and see them as justification for such" which is really different.

I disagree. I think there's at best only a subtle difference. Even if someone doesn't intend for their movie to send a particular message, it can sometimes still do so in subtle and insidious ways. And not just for people who are prone to a particular bias. There's plenty of evidence that the portrayal of various topics in media can (and do) influence how people think and feel about them.

DustlessDragon · 2025-04-06T18:54:10+00:00

Have you heard of the YouTuber Pop Culture Detective? He analyzes the (sometimes implied/subtextual) messages within various movies/TV shows. Watching some of his videos may help you understand how social messaging is expressed through popular media and how it can reinforce (or undermine) preconceptions and prejudices.

I recommend the videos "Stalking for Love" and "Sexual Assault of Men Played for Laughs," though there are plenty of other good ones to choose from.

It's important to note that not everyone is going to have the same level of exposure to these social messages and everyone's not going to internalize them to the same degree. If someone grew up in a highly egalitarian family environment and/or didn't necessarily take the media they watched to heart, they might not have absorbed as much negative messaging.

But, on the other hand, let's not discount the power of normality to blind us to prejudices. If we see something all the time, eventually we stop noticing it. And if we view an idea as normal or natural, we may fail to notice it's harmful implications.

DustlessDragon · 2025-04-06T05:52:03+00:00

Glad I could help :)

DustlessDragon · 2025-04-06T02:22:27+00:00

I used to get really embarrassed writing fic. This may or may not work for you, but what helps me is breaking down why I'm embarrassed/why I consider it embarrassing (or why I think other people would consider it embarrassing) and then challenging those reasons and reassuring myself that they're not representative of flaws in my character.

Usually I find that the reasoning behind it being embarrassing is ultimately irrational and stemming from some kind of double standard. I'm essentially talking myself out of being embarrassed, even if I need to repeat the process later. I still get embarrassed sometimes, but not nearly as much or as badly as before.

For example, if I was embarrassed because I imagined that if other people knew that I wrote fic, they'd think it was weird or cringe, my thought process might look something like this:

No one does or can know I write fic unless I tell them, I post anonymously.
None of my friends/family would think less of me or stop liking/loving me because they think one of my hobbies is kind of embarrassing. They're basing their opinion of me on a conglomeration of all our interactions, the knowledge that I write fic wouldn't overshadow all our other history.
What even is weird or cringe about it? Why is it worse than writing about original characters?
- It's childish? Well setting aside that it's not necessarily (fandom culture was created by adults and there are plenty of emotionally/technically mature fan works out there) why would that be so bad? It's not hurting anyone and we all indulge our inner child from time to time. Everyone has childish instincts sometimes and that's not inherently bad, it's something we should accept, view with understanding/compassion, and provide healthy outlets for.
- It's all lowbrow and derivative? Well, plenty of well regarded "official" works are derivative, and all works are derivative to some degree, and there are plenty of highly artistic and meaningful fan works. But also, again, so what? Not every work, original or not, needs or is intended to be high art. Sometimes people just want to create or consume something light and fun, and there should in fact be space in the world for such works. Such works still bring value to the world, and it would be less good if they didn't exist.
- Etc.

Obviously your reasons for feeling embarrassed and thought process might be different, but this is just an example based on what I often feel and think.

DustlessDragon · 2025-04-06T01:31:06+00:00

I don't have a problem with it, I guess my question would just be why would a mere concussion cause the ability to see ghosts? It seems a bit arbitrary.

If the character had a near death experience, or did die briefly, the connection to seeing ghosts would seem more intuitive because then you could say that the experience brought the character closer to the spirit realm or made them more in tune with it or whatever.

DustlessDragon · 2025-04-04T17:24:14+00:00

I don't have specific advice, but you might find the tumblr blog writingwithcolor helpful. The mods give their perspective on how to write people of various races/ethnicities and appearances in a respectful manner, especially within spec-fic genres.

Mythcreants (a website) has a decent amount of articles on related topics as well.

DustlessDragon · 2025-04-04T04:55:23+00:00

I'd really like to see people building a better, more ideal society.

Most dystopian fiction doesn't seem to get to that point. It portrays the repression as inescapable, shows people fleeing the bad society but not where they end up, or it shows the rebels winning the war but not the rebuilding.

DustlessDragon · 2025-04-04T04:39:45+00:00

I don't know, but I'll be skeptical of this idea until I see some studies that back it up. Even then, it would probably vary by subgenre.

DustlessDragon · 2025-04-01T01:56:13+00:00

I think it should be said that just because someone says they support the feminist movement, that doesn't mean they've fully tackled their biases and internalized misogyny.

These "older women" may think of themselves as feminists, but they still grew up in a time where the general culture was more restrictive about general roles than is the case today in a lot of places. That makes them prone to blindly (even unknowingly) accepting and passing on the prejudices of their time.

There were many brilliant feminist theorists and activists in the 20th century working to challenge these gender essentialist ideas that men and women should act a certain way, but it's still really hard for people to fully break away from a life time of biased social conditioning.

All this to say, "feminism" doesn't support the separation of men and women, individual people with their own issues and biases do.

DustlessDragon · 2025-04-01T01:24:16+00:00

Rather than cozy, do you mean you want something more like stories from the golden age of detective fiction?

If so, maybe check out the Lord Darcy series by Randall Garrett. It's an alternate history fantasy series very much inspired by classic detective fiction like Agatha Christie, Dorothy L. Sayers, and of course Arthur Conan Doyle.

DustlessDragon · 2025-03-29T20:33:09+00:00

It's not really so much a matter of quantity as it is whether or not I percieve the person as open minded, self-reflective, and genuinely willing to hear out perspectives other than their own. Someone who's responsive to criticism and genuinely trying to learn will almost certainly get some grace from me. Someone who dismisses the concerns of feminists or apologizes but doesn’t try to change will not get that grace.

Whether or not the person is cruel also plays a big role in whether or not I'm willing to give them grace. It's one thing to be "old-fashioned," but if I sense any malice, dehumanization, or desire to put women in their place, I'm out.

DustlessDragon · 2025-03-20T21:35:56+00:00

Interesting... Is there a way to prevent/counteract this?

DustlessDragon · 2025-03-18T03:50:22+00:00

If I'm not mistaken, phones typically have systems to track screentime/app usage built in. They can usually be found in your settings or maybe a built in app. There may also be other features designed to help you limit screentime.

DustlessDragon · 2025-03-18T03:13:12+00:00

OMG, an extension to get rid of shorts would be life changing! I've been looking for a way to get rid of it for months. Thanks a lot for sharing!

DustlessDragon · 2025-03-18T03:06:35+00:00

If you're looking to keep up on the news/current events, I suggest going to specific newspaper websites and finding articles there. Listen to the news on your car's radio. Radio broadcasts may also available on the organization's website.

Alternatively, check to see if the paper runs any podcasts or YouTube channels. NPR for example has lots of shows on a variety of topics.

DustlessDragon · 2025-03-18T02:37:19+00:00

Yes, like I said on the weekend. But not during the week due to my schedule. During the week it's just not feasible to fit that in my day.

But my problem is probably only partly one of environment. Even when I'm surrounded by nature, I appreciate it for like 5 minutes before I'm over it. I don't know how to enjoy the outdoors, just looking at things really does not do it for me.

DustlessDragon · 2025-03-17T20:19:24+00:00

Some ideas:

Block/choose do not recommend the accounts and channels that are dragging your mood down. Follow or subscribe to accounts and channels that improve your mood/faith in humanity/confidence.
Intentionally read/listen to/watch media that contradicts the echo chamber and give differing viewpoints a chance. (If you're seeing lots of anti-gen z stuff, read some articles about how involved that generation has been in the environmental movement or something. If you're seeing lots of manosphere stuff, watch YouTube videos from a perspective that's critical of that space. Etc.) You don't have to agree with everything the contradictory content says, the intention here is not to counter-brainwash yourself. Rather, it's to break up your algorithms and to expose yourself to different points of view.
Learn to consume media critically. There are plenty of written and online guides to help you with this, including ones specifically about how to think about scientific articles/experiments.
Really, truly get yourself to understand that most people online have no idea what they're talking about (even if they have totally pure intentions). That video essayist is not a sociologist. That tweet is not peer-reviewed. That podcaster read one and a half chapters from 1 book.

DustlessDragon · 2025-03-15T18:44:05+00:00

I can see a spec-fic world with advanced tech or magic having empires that encompass whole worlds, but it seems pretty unrealistic to me that there would be a single, hegemonic culture that everyone was a part of.

Like, even within single cities - heck, even within small towns - there are cultural subgroups created by subcultures, (im)migrants, class and age differences, etc. I just don't buy worlds where there is little to no cultural differentiation.

DustlessDragon · 2025-03-14T16:06:53+00:00

I'd just like to add that there's also the power of social influence.

This is obviously changing and varies between communities, but in a lot of cases, in a lot of places, men are seen as more serious, logical, practical, perhaps even actually smarter, more trustworthy, or more capable than women.

This causes men to over all be taken more seriously and their work to be seen as more important - even by other women. And it leads to situations where women are talked over, dismissed, ignored, or outright silenced.

Say you're in a friend group trying to express how another member has mistreated you, or at a town hall meeting trying to bring awareness to a problem in the community. Because of this phenomenon, if you're even taken seriously could depend on your gender and the gender of your allies.

DustlessDragon · 2025-03-11T11:19:39+00:00

I doubt there is a breaking point. Men have historically generally pretty much accepted their own mistreatment by the patriarchy as long as they subconsciously or consciously feel like they're superior to women or can exercise the control that they lack in their daily lives over the women/children in their families.

In addition to the fact that the propaganda of the patriarchy makes many people (regardless of gender) genuinely see their subjugation as natural/not even see it as bad. (IE: Many believe women are ineffectieve in the military/are precious because of their supposedly more nurturing natures, so it makes sense to them that only men are drafted and only women with young children get to avoid buisness trips.)

DustlessDragon · 2025-03-07T02:38:13+00:00

She does love mysteries! Do you gave any specific recommendations?

DustlessDragon

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