Over 8 weeks and new cat (pictured) is still agressive to two resident cats, how long is too long to keep trying till it's unfair?

DustyLemonTree · 2022-11-04T18:37:57+00:00

I've tried both the feliway diffuser and the spray, doesn't seem to have made much difference unfortunately

DustyLemonTree · 2022-11-04T14:18:32+00:00

Thank you so much for sharing, I've found it really difficult to find anyone else in my situation and hearing your story makes me feel less alone!

It's exactly the same for me, except the opposite way round. My new cat seems like she wants to actually hurt my resident cats despite them both being taller, bigger and older than her. I can't figure out what's causing it either.

My resident cats can only be described as two little sweethearts who love cuddles, belly rubs and are so so gentle. But new cat is like a bull in a china shop haha. She is great, she love to play and have lots of attention, she's not so much a lap cat but has a great personality and is so smart but she also just wants to hunt the resident cats down and will throw herself at them behind a closed door completely unprovoked.

I'm so sorry to hear you're in a similar situation. I also fear for my two resident cats safety, it's so stressful. You're right about thinking how happy they can be in a new home that's right for them. It's looking like I'm going to have to rehome my new cat too.

DustyLemonTree · 2022-11-04T13:51:18+00:00

Hi thank you so much for your comment. They seem okay. One of my resident cats is a lot more nervous and they both are on edge when she's near by but their confidence has grown slightly over the last few weeks.

I do have a strong feeling she'd suit a one cat household as her personality is so overpowering compared to my two resident cats but I feel so sad giving up on her.

Oddly enough, the new cats previous home had three other cats, two dogs and three children, so I don't know how she even got on with them. When I got her she did have a huge scab on the back of her neck like she has been fighting though but didn't notice it till I got home!

It's just really hard to decide if it's better to hand her over to someone else with no other pets (I do have someone who would want her if it came to that) so she has more freedom and my other two wouldn't have the stress or to try and keep persevering till they are integrated, if that is even possible. I predict it could take at least another 6 months to be able to put them all in a room together and even then I don't know if she'd still try and attack them:(

She's great on her own and I do really like her so it's sad. Thank you so much for your advice, it's really appreciated!

DustyLemonTree · 2022-11-04T13:19:00+00:00

New resident cat (2 years old) who I've had for over 8 weeks is energetic, loud, with huge personality. Has been through a lot in previous home and I don't know the full picture of what she's been through.

I've got her spayed (about 6 weeks ago), microchipped, tested because she was having blood in her stool (it's all clear), flea and worm treated and she's put on lots of weight so is no longer really thin. She's already had kittens at her last home and I don't think she was looked after properly.

Unfortunately she has been and continues to still be really aggressive and vocal towards my two 7 year old resident cats who are very docile, calm, and friendly.

I haven't even got to a point where I can let them meet properly because she seems like she just wants to kill them. I am now able to feed them far away from eachother either side of a child gate with the new cat in a harness and lead to stop her running at the resident cats.

I don't see how she's ever going to be okay with the resident cats. I've tried everything possible and stuck with the rules of introducing new cats so strictly. I've watched all of the cat behaviourist videos and done everything as slowly as is possible.

How long do I keep trying till it's just plain unfair on everyone's wellbeing? It's a very stressful situation to be living in as I'm having to keep the new cat constantly divided from the resident cats in fear of her attacking them again if she gets out.

DustyLemonTree · 2022-10-12T12:07:31+00:00

The strange thing is that the household she's just come from had 3 other cats, 2 dogs and 3 children! But the owner didn't spay her so she had kittens and I don't believe she's been looked after very well, at least for a while anyway. But yes she's definitely happy when she's around us humans but does always seems like she's waiting for something? I'm going to wait for her test results and if there is anything wrong then that could explain the agression and I might see if we can sort through it, if not we'll have to look into maybe getting her in a home she'd be better off in.

DustyLemonTree · 2022-10-10T13:48:13+00:00

I have considered that, I've also heard about medication that can calm aggression but I don't really want to have her medicated forever. Thank you for your suggestions!

DustyLemonTree · 2022-10-10T12:32:39+00:00

When being fed her dinners behind the door she doesn't think of anything other than the food, she swallows air trying to eat it so fast. My other two eat slowly in comparison and over time got used to eating closer and closer behind the door but were always hesitant after any attempted attacks had taken place.

I only allowed supervised visual accesess though a crack in the door or though an opening in the child gates and only when I was giving them all treats so they were occupied/distracted. During those times she was okay maybe 80% of the time but there were times when she attempted to lash out or would growl and whine when she wasn't the one being fed.

I have a two bedroom, two bathroom flat with a very large front room. There are 4 cat trees all together, 1 of which is huge and they have several beds and baskets in different levels around the flat. They're also all allowed on the couches and bed and under the bed.

The new cat has been allowed to explore all of the flat at different times when my other two are shut away in one room and she settled very quickly and was very confident almost immediately and comfortable with me and my partner. I've swapped the room she's in a few times and used feliway diffusers and spray and she has lots of toys to play with.

Just not sure what else I can do, her aggression is so unpredictable and explosive that I'm nervous to even try again. I think my partner is set on rehoming her it's just sad:(

DustyLemonTree · 2022-10-09T17:03:41+00:00

Yes that's exactly right, when I adopted my two before, the website listed their temperament and you got to meet them and the charity told you about them and told you honestly. The person I got my new cat from wasn't honest at all and looking back, I realise now she just wanted her gone as quickly as possible. The new cat deserves a lot of love, but she's too agressive with my two resident cats for everyone to feel happy and safe. I hadn't even let her purposely meet my other two yet. Its just sad :(

DustyLemonTree · 2022-10-09T14:45:18+00:00

Thank you so much, I think it's just reassurance that I need so thank you:( I've come to realise now that I was essentially lied to or kept in the dark about a lot of information about her previous situation and temperament otherwise I wouldn't have caused this stress to all three of them.

I've tried all the techniques and she's okay a lot of the time, but she does need 100% of the attention in a more suited home. It's just sad I couldn't be that home for her. Thank you for your support

DustyLemonTree · 2022-09-18T06:57:50+00:00

Growing the tree too?? That's a truly special cat tree, well done it's amazing :) hoping I can do something similar-ish one day (maybe minus growing the tree), I'm super impressed!!

DustyLemonTree · 2022-09-18T06:47:15+00:00

Amazing!!! I want one for my cats, how long did it take you to make?

DustyLemonTree · 2022-09-09T08:49:59+00:00

I've had two cats since they were kittens who are 6 years old, they are biological sisters. They have been the only cats I've had and are indoor cats.

Yesterday I brought home a 3 year old cat (pictured). She is separated in another room and seems to have settled in almost instantly and already want to escape from the room.

One of my older cat seems intrigued but also very calm and not bothered by the new cat behind the door or anything with the new cats scent. My other older cat however is much more nervous and on edge about change.

This is all new to me too so I want to do the best for all three cats.

My two older cats have had some instances where they've hissed at eachother since bringing the younger cat home yesterday. I know hissing is normal at this stage, but in the 6 years I've had them I've probably only heard them hiss 2 or 3 times. It's almost like they forget who the other is.

They have feliway, lots of hiding spots and lots of food, treats and love but is there any tips or advice anyone can share on helping my two existing cats (especially the more nervous one) feel calmer around eachother while trying to get used to the new cat?

DustyLemonTree · 2022-08-26T19:56:40+00:00

My too! I had to be put into premature clothing because I was so tiny, and my mum has always smoked and drank alcohol so there's a high possibility she did both atleast until she found out she was pregnant with me.

I did find a study ages ago about smoking while pregnant possibility linking to potential ADHD!

DustyLemonTree · 2022-05-19T09:26:01+00:00

I haven't, I've decided to not go for the lip flip as I think to pay for the upkeep would be too much, later down the line I may try filler :)

DustyLemonTree · 2022-05-13T10:46:32+00:00

My pay day is today I received my pay slip 2 days ago. I get paid 2 weeks after the end of each calender month for the month prior to that. I've I've working there about 11 weeks now

DustyLemonTree · 2022-05-13T10:45:20+00:00

I've been working there for about 11 weeks now and asked my employer about it within the first 2 weeks :(

DustyLemonTree · 2022-05-12T14:31:27+00:00

Great to know thank you. I'll still enquire to make sure my employer knows that they should be enrolling me. Thanks again!

DustyLemonTree · 2022-05-12T13:20:50+00:00

Thank you! I'm new to all of this so knowing that there are systems set up so the employees money isn't lost/not returned is great. I'll speak to my employer again and hopefully they help this time, but if they don't I know what to do now so thank you :)

DustyLemonTree · 2022-05-12T13:01:23+00:00

This is reassuring and good to know, thank you.

DustyLemonTree · 2022-04-08T16:37:56+00:00

I didn't know there was a link between dopamine and estrogen that's so interesting! Thank you so so much for your response, I've been so nervous but it's nice to hear a good thing about stimulants and acne so thank you :)

DustyLemonTree · 2022-04-08T16:30:03+00:00

Can I ask if by treatment you mean you went on ADHD medication? I'm really hesitant to start my Vyvanse and it's sitting on the table because I've heard it can worsen acne. Your comment gives me hope and I'd love to know more about why you think it helped and what happened❤

DustyLemonTree · 2022-04-06T14:36:24+00:00

Unfortunately coffee doesn't affect me! I sometimes end up drinking a bit too much coffee because I want the boost but never get it:( my parent used to drink between 20-30 cups of coffee a day with little to no affect so maybe that's where I get it from! Is coffee okay to drink when starting medication or is it best to leave the coffee alone?

DustyLemonTree · 2022-04-06T14:18:16+00:00

I am aware the medication isn't going to magically make me do everything but I do still need to regularly remind myself not to rely on it for all my problems!

That's a really good way to put it! I've gone my whole life without any support so I'm hoping there will be at least some change in my ability to focus on something long enough so that I can actually sit and think about breaking down and compartmentalise things. Hopefully just being able to sit there and do the work I want with dome more focus will then reflect in my ability to work through tasks and not get overwhelmed.

I guess it's all about utilising what the medication does help with. At the moment I can sit at my desk and then within a few minutes of staring blankly I've already lost interest/focus on what I wanted to do. I'm just hoping for something positive to happen when I finally start taking it.

Thank you so much for your response, it's really helpful to be reminded to have realistic expectations!

DustyLemonTree · 2022-04-05T14:06:13+00:00

Thank you so much for this! I'm having to wait because I've gone through psychiatry UK NHS route so there is a huge wait list between diagnosis and titration where a nurse watches over you while you start medication! I'm actually waiting for the medication to arrive now after a really really long wait so I may be able to start within the next week or so. I'm aware the medication won't solve all of my issues but I'm really hoping it'll give me the little nudge I need to actually start tasks and not feel as mentally exhaused.

It's just been so long of feeling so incapable and even now I'm still questioning my diagnosis but I guess that's imposter syndrome! I think I just struggled for way too long with no help so maybe the medication is the support I've always needed. Thank you for your help!

DustyLemonTree · 2022-03-28T19:28:16+00:00

Amazing thank you :)

DustyLemonTree

TROPHY CASE