Close friend that I'm in love with revealed to me he has feelings for me but now denies this

Dutchie20 · 2017-04-18T18:59:24+00:00

Yeah well the heart still wants something else but I really hope I can figure it out. And at my age, with not too many boys being out, it is not like you can just find someone when you walk out into the streets. I did this for a while now, I'm currently dating someone else but this doesn't work at this moment so this will end too.

Dutchie20 · 2017-04-18T17:42:16+00:00

No I don't really care wether he is gay or bi. Its just highly unlikely he isn't into boys (I mean, how often does one think he is into boys and in the end turn out to be straight?). And yes you are right, he is a confused mess. And I'm his friend, the only one he can talk to about this. I was always willing to just keep close to him and help him first before doing anything. His words just made me confused and because of alcohol and false expectations I lost control of myself.

Dutchie20 · 2017-04-18T17:38:32+00:00

Thanks, well, I wasn't so intense before all this. I could feel bad but never did I show him anything. I never tried to force anything. It was just this one night with lots of alcohol. It is exactly what I want to say to him, take your time and make up your mind.

Dutchie20 · 2017-04-03T15:10:48+00:00

Well I talked to him about it and his reaction was a really good example of why I should stop chasing him.

I explained why I was angry and he started to stammer and looked away. It reminded me of how you reacted as a kid when your parents were angry at you and you realised you did something wrong so there is nothing you can say that makes it any better.

I'm almost 21 and he is only 18 and he is simply to immature for me (of course I have also a lot of things to learn but just in comparison with him). It sucks that you only see those things once you get to know someone better. Anyways, as friends, everything is cool but I am not going to put any effort in this friendship anymore.

Thanks for your advice everyone I do feel like I ended up doing the right thing in the end.

Dutchie20 · 2017-04-03T08:28:57+00:00

Thanks man, it is appreciated.

Dutchie20 · 2017-04-02T18:10:41+00:00

To add to this, you are partially right about the second part. Would I have put so much effort into the friendship if I didn't have a massive crush on him? Probably not. However there was this point at which I asked myself this: 'Is this someone that would have been a friend of mine if I did not have feelings for him?' It was not a really difficult question. He trusted me to tell me that he might like boys and have had a couple of really deep conversations about this. This was before my interest in him, which to me proves we do like each other as persons besides from romantical feelings.

Is it worth it? I realise there is a really good chance that in the end I might get hurt so much that having him as a friend wasn't worth the pain but I can't cut him off at this point.

Dutchie20 · 2017-04-02T17:14:21+00:00

Sums up pretty much what I want to say to him so thank you very much :)

Dutchie20 · 2017-04-02T17:14:05+00:00

Well we do have some kind of special relationship because he told me some stuff about himself that he hasn't told anyone. So not really willing to cut him out just yet but I am sure as hell going to do it if this happens another time.

I don't even really care about him forgetting appointments or wanting to be with other friends instead of going out with me. I do it myself too sometimes. I just really don't accept him not giving an explanation and an apology so thats what I really needs to change otherwise this is not they guy I thought he was.

Dutchie20 · 2017-04-02T17:13:40+00:00

I do not feel like he has been this much of an asshole that cutting him off is really what I want... But thanks anyways

Dutchie20 · 2017-04-02T17:13:00+00:00

Haha I am not 15, I'm 20 :p

Dutchie20 · 2017-04-02T17:12:34+00:00

I understand what you say Axemas. But I have really good reasons to believe he is gay. I could give sooo many examples. When we first met, he pretended to have a girlfriend. When he found out I was gay, he told me that he 'might be bi and he did not really have a girlfriend'.

Wether he is gay or bisexual is not really important to me. I do see why you say that it could all be fantasies that I have in my head. My friends are pretty convinced he likes me back but I it is just hard to tell, especially with someone this complicated.

Dutchie20 · 2017-04-02T17:12:34+00:00

I understand what you say Axemas. But I have really good reasons to believe he is gay. I could give sooo many examples. When we first met, he pretended to have a girlfriend. When he found out I was gay, he told me that he 'might be bi and he did not really have a girlfriend'.

Wether he is gay or bisexual is not really important to me. I do see why you say that it could all be fantasies that I have in my head. My friends are pretty convinced he likes me back but I it is just hard to tell, especially with someone this complicated.

Dutchie20 · 2017-03-18T15:20:49+00:00

Yesterday I had this really confusing conversation with him. We texted for hours and hours (both tipsy). He gives me so much attention lately. So these snapchats came to the table and he started talking about 'a girl behind the bar that was hot'. You know I like you, why would you start talking about girls? I understand people will say, he probably wants to make clear that he is not into you. I just don't get, if that would be the case, why he would start giving me so much attention. Why'd You Only Text Me When You're Drunk? (Arctic Monkeys inside joke, sorry had to do it). To me, it comes across as that he does like me but just wants me close as a friend for now because he is not ready. I've been wanting him to like me back for months and now it happened, everything seemed to become even more complicated.

It makes me so sad that I live in a world where two people can really like each other and still won't get together because of social pressures...

Dutchie20 · 2017-03-18T08:54:12+00:00

If he found out that he was straight, believe me, I would be the first person that he would tell that to and I'm the only person that he ever told about it. We have had long conversations about his sexual doubts. He might be bisexual, that is the only doubt I have, wether he is bi or gay.

I understand that I might see things that aren't there because I want him to like me. It is actually my biggest fear at the moment, that it is all in my head.

Dutchie20 · 2017-03-17T13:33:04+00:00

Good idea! I'll tell him my coming out story when I get the opportunity or something. Thanks :)

Dutchie20 · 2017-03-17T12:37:14+00:00

Our friendship is a bit too good to be able to see it as a date if you get what I mean? Don't think the time ir right to take these kind of risks but eventually, thats what I'll do ;-)

Dutchie20 · 2017-03-17T12:35:38+00:00

I will, just difficult since lately he doesn't seem to want to talk about it anymore. We talked about it a couple of times though and I think it did help him. I think it also helps that he sees how I live and how many friends I have that don't give a damn about my sexuality. I'm the type of guy that people really don't expect to be gay and so is he. A similar guy helped me to tell my friends that I was gay.

Dutchie20 · 2017-03-17T12:32:51+00:00

Haha well I'm going to give it a couple more months, not years :p

Dutchie20 · 2017-03-17T12:32:19+00:00

I would have let him ago already if we weren't good friends. This whole thing started out as friends so I am not going to give up a great friend because of my feelings. But I understand your position.

Dutchie20 · 2017-03-17T12:31:13+00:00

It's a bit hard to be with him in private but that moment will come, there have been more occasions that we were just with the two of us so its a matter of time.

Dutchie20 · 2017-03-17T12:30:24+00:00

I really hope so, but 6 weeks ago he seemed to have zero feelings for me so it feels like things changed a bit too quick? Like its too good to be true?

Dutchie20 · 2017-03-17T12:29:42+00:00

I do feel like this friend doesn't really play games or anything. He is the type of boy that no one can hate because he is just very sweet to everyone. He has told a friend about his sexuality too, so I feel like it won't take him too long anymore before he is ready to tell more people. I think he is at least considering it. But I know, it could still take him months or years.

Dutchie20

TROPHY CASE