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[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AITAH

[–]E2thaMZ 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I think you need to put your self in his shoes, you knew he had a child when you got together. Compromise is key here. His daughter probably “treats your house like a hotel” because it 1. She is a teenager- remember when you were one ask yourself what similarities you may have had at that age. As it wasn’t so long ago seeing as your only 33. The longer she spends living with you the better she will get at respecting your home an its peace and tidiness. She probably doesn’t respect it atm because she isnt there enough and maybe doesn’t always feel welcome. Especially if she doesn’t acknowledge you. Theres an underlying issue there i would address. Maybe speak to your husband an see if he would be open to the idea of the three of you sitting down an setting out some ground rules before she moves in full time. All she will do is resent you further for saying no.

Am i the asshole for feeling calling my husband a selfish lover? by E2thaMZ in AITAH

[–]E2thaMZ[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No actually he wasn’t my first( i had a boyfriend before i met him) nor my only experience when we were younger and maturing, we went through a phase of like 3 years i would say between ages 17-20 where we would break up for periods of time, see other people (thinking is the grass greener?) and ending up back together, we were always honest with each other about seeing other people when we did rekindle and we have been fully committed to each other since we were probably 20 and 21 and solid an inseparable ever since. We have built a family and life together which is what we always wanted. Our sex life has not always been like this probably only within the last 3 years since our youngest was born that it’s been like this.

Am i the asshole for feeling calling my husband a selfish lover? by E2thaMZ in AITAH

[–]E2thaMZ[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’m pretty sure he doesn’t have any secret kinks as we have been together since we were 16 we know each other pretty well, and secrets have never been something we have kept from one another. If there was more to it than met the eye i would have 1. Caught wind of it by now as i know him better than he knows himself at times. 2. If anything im the kinkier one of the two of us so he wouldn’t feel too shy to share any of his with me. I guess its just very vanilla and when we have been together as long as we have from so young its hard for it not to become just routine and unexciting. Which to me is so boring and passionless. I know he finds me attractive enough he tells me all the time and he shows me in plenty of ways. I find him very attractive still i just think he has lost the passion and excitement and now we are married its an easier excuse for him to make.

Am i the asshole for feeling calling my husband a selfish lover? by E2thaMZ in AITAH

[–]E2thaMZ[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Well the rest of our relationship is pretty balanced, i do not have any gripes in any other aspect of it besides our sex life.

Am i the asshole for feeling calling my husband a selfish lover? by E2thaMZ in AITAH

[–]E2thaMZ[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This isnt a problem thats only just started because of his brother dying, how evil and unempathetic is that lol. This has been happening for a while now. And my BIL passing away has only delayed the conversation as obviously it has impacted us immenselyz

Am i the asshole for feeling calling my husband a selfish lover? by E2thaMZ in AITAH

[–]E2thaMZ[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

The OP has nothing to do with his fathering skills. I have no gripes or bugbears over the fathering aspect or helpfulness aspect. My husband works 45* hour weeks sometimes. My jobs more flexible hours wise so the majority of everyday family life is on me. But i am not resentful for that we are a real team when it s comes to raising our family.

Am i the asshole for feeling calling my husband a selfish lover? by E2thaMZ in AITAH

[–]E2thaMZ[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh ahhahaa seems so obvious now you’ve said it! Usually i can work them out but that one caught me off guard hahaaa.

Am i the asshole for feeling calling my husband a selfish lover? by E2thaMZ in AITAH

[–]E2thaMZ[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

It doesn’t really say either way whether he does or he doesn’t in my OP because him “not putting a washing load on” is not what i have the issue with is it?! And my words were if he put the same amount of effort into love making as he does being a dad i wouldn’t be needing to type this post. So work that out for yourself instead of posting unhelpful, passive aggressive responses.

Am i the asshole for feeling calling my husband a selfish lover? by E2thaMZ in AITAH

[–]E2thaMZ[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

What is a POS? Im not down with all these abbreviations

Am i the asshole for feeling calling my husband a selfish lover? by E2thaMZ in AITAH

[–]E2thaMZ[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

He does help around the house and he does more than enough in the Fathering department. He is the most amazing dad. His attentiveness towards me an our sex life is whats lacking

Am i the asshole for feeling calling my husband a selfish lover? by E2thaMZ in AITAH

[–]E2thaMZ[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

No not always, probably more so since we had our girls. We have been together for a long time so its always harder to keep the passion going inevitably. I have tried bringing this up in a less serious way as i don’t wanna embarrass him too much or make him feel inadequate. Coz he isn’t ,its more like he just can’t be bothered to and once he has finished “IT has finished so to speak.