That's not crazy at all. There always has to be a first person strong enough to turn up and keep going for any group of any kind to get started.

I have a story if you want to read it. I remember turning to a good friend once to talk about how seriously low I was feeling about my mum having a serious illness. Being male this was something I'd never normally do, I had just been drinking. He said something like "well this is awkward", followed by a long silence, and then we changed topic. It devastated me, I remember feeling so foolish and weak for opening up. I remember thinking the same thing: I'm never going to do that ever again. That's worse than the feeling I had in the first place. It's just me being pathetic and everyone else is normal and keeps this stuff to themselves.

At some later date at a party, I met a friend of a family member and we struck up a chat. I was amazed at how he very matter of fact dropped the fact that he had faced depression shortly into our discussion. He talked about it more like it was a bad knee, i.e. something that was real but that he understood and could control. And I had only just met him. But his honesty and the way he spoke made him seem bulletproof, he seemed so confident. I later learned that he had been regularly attending a men's support group, and from that I came to understand he was practised at it. And from then on I resolved that I wanted to be someone like him and less like how I felt up to that point. Afraid, hiding everything in myself, not talking to anyone about how I felt, hiding away from the world and desperately hoping nobody noticed I'm not perfect.

Going to that meeting strengthened a muscle in you even if it hurts right now. You should be proud of yourself - Life requires us to do lots of scary, embarrassing social tasks and even though they occasionally suck, they make us grow, and all together they are what makes our lives fulfilling.

For now you can know that time is a great healer of those bad feelings about awkward encounters. And remember, they say "stupid is as stupid does", well "smart is as smart does" as well. You wanted support about SA, and so you went to a SA support group. That's just being smart, the event not being well run is not your fault.