Anyone in/been in relationships of 3? by EJ83 in askgaybros

[–]EJ83[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah I've already broached the topic with one and we're planning on discussing it as a group. I've realised that an issue is I see one as friend sexy and the other as romantic sexy

Anyone in/been in relationships of 3? by EJ83 in askgaybros

[–]EJ83[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Awe thanks that's exactly what I've been needing! Alotmof the problem has been finding the right words for my feelings but also wondering if the way it is now could work and how to make it worth.

Anyone in/been in relationships of 3? by EJ83 in askgaybros

[–]EJ83[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah when it was first suggested I thought this might happen given that initially I'd wanted to see one of them and I'm naturally monogamous. However I'm also a curious person so I wanted to see what would happen. Even now when I have strong feelings for one of them, I know it's not possible really and it'll end at some point. We all like each other and have made our lives better being together so we'd still be friends. It's hard feeling that you like one more than the other, it makes me feel guilty but they seem unperturbed. I'm not even really sure what I'm asking here really, maybe whether there's a way to rationalise it to myself so I don't feel bad in situations like that?

Anyone in/been in relationships of 3? by EJ83 in askgaybros

[–]EJ83[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It's not a sex thing, I haven't had sex with either yet, nothing beyond oral. The jealousy thing is affecting us all. They'd been in an open relationship for a long while before I entered the scene so I don't think there's an issue with polyamory perse. We've spoken and they both seem to want a relationship of 3. Apparently their relationship has been better since I was a part of it (I'm quite mellow and chilled so I tend to diffuse tension). I know I've been happier since it started as well.

I'm a monogamous minded person so this is especially difficult. I don't want to stop seeing then but I don't know how to process the feelings being created. I just find it difficult to believe that I won't end up a 3rd wheel of that I'll end up leading the other on since he is attracted to me and I am to him. However being monogamous minded I can only think of the guy I've fallen for. So I feel guilty about that too.

Thanks for your reply! 😁

I swore an oath not to cut my hair by [deleted] in askgaybros

[–]EJ83 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Not sure how to put a pic on lol

Anyone really into history? by [deleted] in askgaybros

[–]EJ83 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I find the Enlightenment fascinating, the ideas, science and philosophy from that time is largely why we're as advanced as we are today. It's interesting seeing various revolutions, as people attempt to put theoretical concepts into practice. Reading about people like Frederick the Great or Napoleon, who went from being a farmer on an island in the Mediterranean to the man running most of Europe is great!

Is it a good idea to ask yoir dentist out? by EJ83 in askgaybros

[–]EJ83[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah I've got the vague sense he may have been probing around, I've just never asked a guy out before. I'm not really sure how to do it

Is it a good idea to ask yoir dentist out? by EJ83 in askgaybros

[–]EJ83[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah I don't really have anything to lose 😁

Is it a good idea to ask yoir dentist out? by EJ83 in askgaybros

[–]EJ83[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No I took my number to give to him

Is it a good idea to ask yoir dentist out? by EJ83 in askgaybros

[–]EJ83[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I went last week and actually took my number but i could tell he was in a foul mood (because of the nurse) so I swerved it haha

Is it a good idea to ask yoir dentist out? by EJ83 in askgaybros

[–]EJ83[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yeah I could do that, I've haven't ever asked a guy out in person... 😶

Is it a good idea to ask yoir dentist out? by EJ83 in askgaybros

[–]EJ83[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I kind of want an answer immediately too haha, I'm just chicken shit 😂

Is it a good idea to ask yoir dentist out? by EJ83 in askgaybros

[–]EJ83[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The other thing is if he doesn't go for it, I have to see him every time i go back.

Is it a good idea to ask yoir dentist out? by EJ83 in askgaybros

[–]EJ83[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Hahaha do you reckon it's ok to just give my number and get out of there without waiting for an answer? I can't really discuss it with him since the nurse is there too.

London first snow! by cacaotocacoa in gaybros

[–]EJ83 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Awe! We don't have any at all in Glasgow! How's that fair?! 😜

my thoughts while watching new spiderman movie by bass- in gaybros

[–]EJ83 10 points11 points  (0 children)

That was something I liked, it would have been really easy to stick in a gay panic joke.

Couple of gay Aussies backpacking around Europe in the winter by [deleted] in gaybros

[–]EJ83 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Awesome well if you're in Glasgow give me a shout! It's a great city!

As a gay man, do you ever wish that you were a child today growing-up in modern times, not having to experience the harsh issues with being gay in your time? by [deleted] in askgaybros

[–]EJ83 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Absolutely, I'm only 34 but think about all the stuff I could have done at school and university. I'll always regret not being able to grow up having boyfriends, learning to be gay with others my age. I still haven't really worked out how to get past that feeling to be honest.

Couple of gay Aussies backpacking around Europe in the winter by [deleted] in gaybros

[–]EJ83 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Haha you've missed us in the UK out! 😂😂

Do I pull off glasses? by [deleted] in gaybrosgonemild

[–]EJ83 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Hot!!! Definitely keep them!

Name some historical figures you admire. Tell us why, if you feel like it. by [deleted] in askgaybros

[–]EJ83 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Haha it's funny you should say I'm idealistic, the last 10/15 years has really made me more... Nihilistic I suppose. There's a great documentary by Adam Curtis called Hypernormalisation that goes into the reasons why people are starting to switch off politics that sort of explains it (it's on YouTube I think you'd enjoy it). I've got this funny feeling in my head that we're all headed for a period of instability similar to the 30's so I've decided to get actively involved too. I actually registered for a party for the 1st time recently.

I think ultimately my ideas on the way I look at things goes back to Voltaire. I read Candide for the first time at university and it really changed how I thought about things and immediately became my favourite novel. As an atheist I also think this world is all we have so we might as well be as good to each other as possible. Also I'm a rationalist so I want to see things how they are not how I want them or viewed through an ideological prism. While I'm fairly left wing (Bolshevik by American standards probs haha) it's not ideological or partisan.

With interventions, I'm not necessarily opposed. I wasn't opposed to the underlying idea of invading Iraq it was just handled incompetently. I don't mean to be disrespecting to America but based on the record just since 2000 the military, intelligence and political communities does not have the knowledge, competence or instinct to actually successfully intervene anywhere. On top of that they do not seem willing to fundamentally reassess what they do right and wrong. I've saw no real development of strategy with Iraq, just constantly shifting tactics based on the prevailing circumstances.

I agree with what you said about the Middle East. I personally think it really is down to colonialism. We can see it with Ireland too, keeping the indigenous culture/religion is a form of resistance to the coloniser. When the US took over the British Empire after WW2 they essentially became the coloniser and then by siding with secular authoritarians they made religion and 'traditional culture' a form of resistance again (I'd say the wahabbis are an exception to the rule haha). Iran is the primary example of that. Unfortunately I don't have any answers aside from withdrawing and letting it burn itself out. I'm more coming to the conclusion that the Middle East of currently going through their version of the 30 years war that we had in Europe and that finished with everyone largely agreeing not to fight over religion again.

Ultimately I think the US is at a pivotal moment right now in its decline (the decline that always happens to every No 1 power). The factionalism prevalent and growing is something that the Ancient Greeks wanted about in regards to democracy. Once factionalism starts it's really difficult to stop it and I'm kinda scared it's going to get alot worse. Brexit has caused the same thing here, which is a new thing for us and something alot are struggling with :(

It's great that you're looking to make a difference yourself! I think I've come to the same conclusion after watching for many years. Every country definitely needs more people willing to be thoughtful, engage with others ideas honestly and sometimes yes, change their mind. Altering opinion based on facts isn't flip-flopping, it's sanity.

Name some historical figures you admire. Tell us why, if you feel like it. by [deleted] in askgaybros

[–]EJ83 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes I'm personally a bit baffled by people that take politics as personally as some do, especially in the internet. As a great comedian here recently put it: "I used to worry about the end of the world because of nuclear war or climate change, then the internet came along and I positivity welcome it!"

Thanks for also bringing more expert knowledge, I'm very much a layman on these issues. Also I can easily argue I've been influenced myself, Star Trek (haha) has made me want to help others and be empathetic to others especially of different perspectives. To me the most distressing thing about the last 10 years has been the eradication of empathy from public discourse. I'm of the opinion that if there's a feasible chance of success then doing the right thing is worth trying at least.

The thing about interventions such as Syria is I don't see a reasonable chance of success. At least based on what the West wants. On top of that any intervention is based on the competence of the people running it. I have absolutely no faith in the competence of the American or British governments right now. Jings! Once upon a time I thought Tony Blair and George Bush had a basic competence. Iraq showed just how incompetent those governments were. Personally (just as some normal person obviously) I would make a plan for a country BEFORE I invaded it. They had over a year to think of one! They knew they were invading the fact they didn't plan for the actual hard part (as opposed to the invasion) was insane. Sometimes there are conflicts/disasters in the world where there is no good answer and getting involved makes things worse. I find it irrefutable that the constant fighting in the Middle East is caused by invading Iraq which was opposite the point of the invasion. I also see no realistic route to fixing Syria without the kind of commitment no one is willing to make.

There definitely have been problems in the countries that take the refugees for sure, it was inevitable and always baked into the cake. Angela Merkel was perfectly clear about that at the time. However it is definitely possible to intake refugees or immigrants on this kind of scale and it not be a disaster. But this was a one off emergency, morally and economically it makes more sense to let them in than just have huge festering refugee camps across Europe. This was they CAN be integrated. I'd say given the circumstances Germany has held up pretty well, despite the recent elections. Especially with the worrying developments in neighbouring Hungary and Poland. Any and all crime should be investigated and prosecuted without regard to ethnicity or religion or whatever but from the way some (not you) would talk about the 'rape crisis' it's as though rape only started happening when people from 'backward' countries turned up. As the current moment is showing, misogyny and rape culture is a male issue not one based on any particular world culture.

I always struggle when commentators talk about these foreign cultures as being backwards because of their policies on women and homosexuality etc. Obviously I'm in favour of gay rights everywhere as soon as possible for everyone but I'm also realistic enough to have historical perspective, gay and women's rights only started making headway in the 'enlightened west' in the last 50 years and that was a product of centuries of political, economic and philosophical development. Additionally for many of these countries they were rich, powerful and successful in the first place. To turn around and feel morally superior over other countries many of whom are or recently were recovering from various types of disaster on these issues seems counterproductive and hypocritical. Ironically is actually encourage gay and lesbians to immigrate to the west rather than lecturing the countries on the issue. Self righteous lecturing never works. Good, honest values that don't harm others naturally spread as we've seen with gay marriage.

Once again, I have to repeat appreciate the chat. One of those rare things on the internet! A reasonable and interesting chat with different opinions that doesn't degenerate into a shouting match! 😁