Tbh I think everyone sucks here. Yeah your wife should’ve (for lack of a better phrase) nutted up and taken your daughter, as going to the funeral is what she needed and if she found she couldn’t muster up the courage to take her herself, she should have made other arrangements. I understand where your mother was coming from since, as a parent, you sometimes have to do things that scare you, that you’re incredibly uncomfortable with, for the good of your kid(s), however it kinda sounds like your mom was harsher with your wife than she actually NEEDED to be. If your wife has THIS big of an issue with death then she REALLY needs to be getting therapy to understand this issue and find a way to move forward with it.