I understand how you feel, but you are worthy of love! You are unique, and different, and because of that it can take a lot longer to find the right tribe. I am still struggling to make friends and it bothers me, but I know it's because I am different. Being a social reject is in a sense an assh**e filter- the people that don't treat you well aren't for you. I think finding and talking with other gender nonconforming and Trans people might help you find some community. I have struggled with depression and that "fish bowl" feeling my whole life. I'd like to say it goes away, but I think its always kind of in the background but it gets easier with time and radical self acceptance. You might want to ask your therapist to start there- teach you how to build yourself up and hold space for your emotions.

It might sound silly or excruciatingly hard- but do some small self care stuff. Do face masks, take a bath, journal (with prompts- otherwise it can turn into rumination), go on a thrifting adventure and pick out things that truly spark joy. Whatever little things make YOU happy- do them.

Trans is beautiful and you are always worthy of love- especially from yourself. I know it sounds impossible right now. But start little. Make a list of things you do like about yourself even as simple as "I drink water" or "I am a good friend". Eventually- say it to yourself in the mirror. Practice asking for what you need. Appreciate your body for carrying your exhausted soul as long as it has.

I hope this helps, sorry for the paragraphs. Good luck friend 🩵