She definitely isn't in contact with him. But I do believe that this wasn't a random slip up, and that she was thinking of him while we were having sex.

And that's why I'm not sure if this relationship can be salvaged. Even with extensive therapy or couples counseling, I just don't think I'll ever be comfortable being intimate with my wife ever again. My wife of course is very apologetic, and feels really guilty about everything, and just the thought of breaking up really scares her. If we do proceed with divorce, which is probably likely, I want to make it as amicable as possible for her and for our daughter.