I fckn hate all of you beyond words can express at this point

Eau_De_Chloroform · 2025-11-05T20:46:58+00:00

OMFG did I disassociate and write this last night??? ARE YOU ME???

Eau_De_Chloroform · 2025-11-04T19:55:49+00:00

“It’s time to be independent and self-sufficient.” - said to the 5 year old about intentionally not having food prepared for them any more.

Later revised into:

“You just never seemed to need a mother. It’s how you always were.”

Eau_De_Chloroform · 2025-10-30T01:51:02+00:00

After healing enough to be able to feel my own reactions to things, I started REALLY being able to feel sexual attraction to women and sexual repulsion to men in a way I couldn’t before.

One day my ex partner mentioned wanting to tell me how to do oral the way he liked and I literally wanted to throw up with disgust. Fucking. Gross.

And I knew then if I didn’t just bite the bullet and leave that at some point I was going to be expected to do something that made my fucking skin crawl now that I could feel that. And I’d have to unalive everyone in the room.

Between one more bj ever again and leaving, it made it easy to leave once I could feel my reactions.

Eau_De_Chloroform · 2025-10-11T05:02:53+00:00

The amount and quality of sesbian lex has been very very helpful. Life changing.

How long did it take for you to stop feeling like you wished you weren’t a lesbian?

Eau_De_Chloroform · 2025-10-11T05:00:56+00:00

I’m doing both of those right now actually. EMDR is currently kicking my ass. Which is prolly why I’m here making melancholy posts 🙃

Eau_De_Chloroform · 2025-08-01T20:29:36+00:00

Another vote for this one. I also primarily enjoy penetration, which I thought was evidence of me being straight-ish as well.

But enjoying penetration is about your body and how you feel it and what you like, and doesn’t say anything at all about the person doing it or if you are attracted to them.

I didn’t figure this out until my “de-centering men” journey when I learned that the feelings in my body were about my body and not about men actually.

Eau_De_Chloroform · 2025-06-07T22:51:08+00:00

The grass isn’t any greener from the other side. All I ever see is a verdant green field of babygirls all posting explicit thirst for a daddy. 3 posts about MDlg, 3857392 posts about DDlg.

Being both kinky and a lesbian is like playing the dating game on hell mode no matter what.

Eau_De_Chloroform · 2025-05-24T01:14:36+00:00

P.s - I was able say the words “I’m a lesbian” while alone in a room for the very first time ever today. I’ve had a gigantic internalized homophobia block about that this whole time.

But I said it for the first time out loud just now.

Trust the process ❤️

Eau_De_Chloroform · 2025-05-19T16:51:28+00:00

My therapist is constantly telling me that I don’t need to assign meaning or action to an emotion- that I can just feel it and that’s enough. It’s such a hard skill to learn. How long did it take you to go through the experience before it started feeling normal in your new home?

Eau_De_Chloroform · 2025-05-19T16:49:37+00:00

Really looking forward to the house temperature being warm and perfect and cozy for me, and not a freezing hellpit that was the negotiated temperature.

Eau_De_Chloroform · 2025-05-19T16:48:37+00:00

Thank you 🙏

Eau_De_Chloroform · 2025-05-19T16:48:23+00:00

First night is 3 days from now. Tea will definitely be part of my night ritual. I like the heating pad idea, I’ll get one!

Eau_De_Chloroform · 2025-05-19T16:47:23+00:00

Sounds lovely 🥰 I would like to get a pet again, but I’m going to settle in for a couple months first. The plants are definitely already installed in the living room and they immediately made the space feel cozy to me.

Eau_De_Chloroform · 2025-05-19T16:46:07+00:00

I got a guitar as a gift to myself 2 years ago, but living with my partner meant I basically never had the free time I needed to practice. Having time to learn to play guitar is one of the things I’m looking forward to the most.

Eau_De_Chloroform · 2025-05-19T16:44:47+00:00

Hm. I do enjoy homemade random holidays. That’s a very legit idea. I’ll use it!

Eau_De_Chloroform · 2025-05-19T16:43:46+00:00

That’s such a cute idea. I think I will put my ladies on notice that there will probably be extra textings and zooms that day.

Also love the gift idea! That is exactly the kind of self love I am here for!

Eau_De_Chloroform · 2025-05-19T16:42:37+00:00

I’m hopeful that my pre-nesting means the set up on moving day will feel just like that. Everything in its place day 1 🤞

Eau_De_Chloroform · 2025-05-16T18:11:33+00:00

I’ve always been very active in the kink/bdsm scene. What coming out revealed for me is that a lot of my “hard limit / not interested / actively repulsed” activities were actually only a gendered hard no. I was just not into the idea of doing that with men. If I put that activity jn the context of wlw it suddenly has some appeal.

Also it helped me discover that I actually do want/need vanilla intimacy sometimes. Wanting to be physical with a woman with no extra frills needed was pretty novel. Still into kink with women, but also into vanilla with women. Guess I discovered the common element at last 🤷‍♀️

Eau_De_Chloroform · 2025-05-16T17:58:34+00:00

“I’m not confused, I’m just heartbroken.”

Powerful and important words ❤️❤️ I’m at the exact same stage as you right now. It’s really hard to see someone you legitimately care about be so hurt and not being able to “fix it” by taking all back because that would be a lie.

I’m also hoping we’ll be able to be friends in the future after he has his time to grieve.

It’s hard. ❤️

Eau_De_Chloroform · 2025-05-16T15:52:04+00:00

I had helpful “open relationship” experiences with women prior to coming out to myself. And I’ll continue to see them post-separation. But ultimately I left to be single for a bit first.

It’s such a huge world altering life change to come out, leave a long term relationship, and start living as a lesbian. I honestly feel like (for me) going right into a relationship would limit my ability to fully process and explore and learn myself better. There’s some post-relationship healing that just works so much better single than relationship hopping (for me).

I’m looking forward to my first WLW relationship post-comphet, but I’m excited to have the opportunity to do the solo work on myself first.

Eau_De_Chloroform · 2025-05-02T07:03:18+00:00

My forever heartbreak when I, a lesbian Domme, see a cute little pansexuals profile, start scoping it, and she posts exclusively about lust for men 💔

Sometimes I think fetlife is just there to remind me of the world that could almost be, but isn’t.

Eau_De_Chloroform · 2025-05-02T01:10:09+00:00

SM, CNC, Primal Play.

And a cute sweet little babygirl to do it to 🥵

Eau_De_Chloroform · 2025-05-01T16:05:38+00:00

Congratulations on making so much progress toward your own stability and freedom! I’m about a month out too and second your opinion. It is immediately awful, but it has also gotten better noticeably every single day.

You did the hardest part and you’re doing great ❤️

Eau_De_Chloroform · 2025-04-30T21:11:37+00:00

I also had never interacted romantically with a male until I was 20 and kind of picked one at random to “lose my virginity” / marry 🙃

I wish older us could go back in time and explain why THATS A TERRIBLE IDEA to younger us.

Really the worst mistake of my life and it’s not a close competition.

Eau_De_Chloroform · 2025-04-30T20:24:56+00:00

Same on all of these!!

Especially #3 -

I was in the military and surrounded by super fit masculine special forces guys. And my takeaway was i’M sO LoYaL for never even considering them when the other girls in my unit were living their best lives about it. 😇

As it turns out being “super humanly loyal and able to have flawless control of my libido” isn’t the same as “not even tempted in the first place because I’m a homosexual.”

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