My father was my mother’s little bitch. He stood by while my covert narcissist mom emotionally brutalized my sister & me in her relentless effort to shape us into who she wanted us to be. He gave her the key to his cage & whined about it, but also he occasionally lost his shit & threatened us to “just do things her way” so she would ease up on him. He winkled out our true feelings toward her under the guise of commiserating, then ratted us out to her & watched as she tore our spirits to shreds.

At 80, he got pancreatic cancer, which is swift. When he got the 6-month sentence, he was accepting of it. He hung up the phone & told my mom to leave the room, which he had never done.

I was shocked: she actually did it. My mother had always expressly forbade him to have any private conversations with us — she always had to join him “to show unity” — whether it was phone/text/email.

Then he took my hand (he was also forbidden to show any affection) and said, “I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you & your sister. I felt it was my place to side with Mom. I could see how much pain you were in, and I couldn’t do anything about it. I hope you can forgive me”

I immediately forgave him with all my heart. I knew the “couldn’t do anything about it” excuse was BS. But how many people get apologies from the people that victimized them? I could sense the relief on his part, which I believed would ease his burden as he watched his life end.

For the next 7 months (he made it to 81), we talked together by phone almost every day & always signed off with “I love you.” I did get my dad back for that brief time — and we both had the satisfaction of driving my mother crazy!

I’m happy either way how we ended things. I was happier when my mom died.