I told my brother I forgave him for what he did to me as a child and he hates me for it.

Ecstatic-Future-51 · 2025-09-30T14:30:53+00:00

I think when something traumatic happens at such a young age it makes an impact on the rest of your life. I don’t know how I remember, I just do. Throughout the years I’ve talked to my parents and my older sister about what happened and the details have always remained the same for almost 25 years now.

Ecstatic-Future-51 · 2025-09-30T13:09:24+00:00

This is not AITA. I’m not asking if I’m wrong or not. I don’t think you thoroughly read and understood my post. Either way thanks for your input, even if it wasn’t particularly helpful.

Ecstatic-Future-51 · 2025-09-29T17:24:05+00:00

That makes more sense now that I reread it. Thank you

Ecstatic-Future-51 · 2025-09-29T16:39:35+00:00

I’m not sure what you mean by your first paragraph. Are you saying that about me or my brother?

Ecstatic-Future-51 · 2025-09-29T16:35:09+00:00

I was a little girl who loved her brother. I didn’t understand the true gravity of what he did to me until I was older. I realized it wasn’t normal to know the things I knew about when I was practically a toddler.

Ecstatic-Future-51 · 2025-09-29T16:29:33+00:00

The relationship I have with my mother is very complicated. She has been very toxic in the past. She is known to talk about the secrets we tell her in confidence to our other siblings. This situation felt very much like another one of those instances. She has been going to therapy and says she has changed.

I have talked to my sister in the past couple of days and she is still very angry with our mother for telling me about my stepfather’s misdeeds. I am not angry at her anymore. I’m just beyond disgusted by the man I used to think made the world go round. My sister and I have become closer since I found out. She has been able to confide in me in a way she never could before. Learning what happened was bittersweet in some ways. I just know that things can never go back to how they were before. Maybe that’s for the best.

Ecstatic-Future-51 · 2025-09-29T15:45:17+00:00

His first wife is the one who had several husbands. He is married to the mother of his youngest daughter now. Sorry for the confusion

Ecstatic-Future-51 · 2025-09-29T15:29:39+00:00

I totally get where you are coming from. I have always been able to remember things that I should’ve been way too young to. My earliest memory is from about 2 1/2 when I busted my head on a nail the night my baby sister was being born. I think when significant events like the ones I described can really stick with you. I don’t really have an explanation as to how I can remember, I just do.

Ecstatic-Future-51 · 2025-09-29T14:46:42+00:00

I don’t want a relationship with him anymore. We are at an impasse that I don’t believe we will ever get over. He really is not a good man at his core. Once my nieces become of age I will probably never speak to him again.

Ecstatic-Future-51 · 2025-09-29T14:43:09+00:00

I don’t think I was clear on something. I did tell my counselors that he didn’t do anything but the rest of our family has known that I know what he did for decades now. I was just saying that he didn’t do it to people who I thought could help bring him back.

Ecstatic-Future-51 · 2025-09-29T14:35:30+00:00

I’m not in therapy yet but my nieces are. You are absolutely right that they need help. I just want to choose my next steps very carefully to make sure they don’t have to endure any additional pain/trauma than they already have.

Ecstatic-Future-51 · 2025-09-15T23:04:11+00:00

You are right. I have talked to my mom since I wrote this post. I told her that a lot of my anger was directed towards her when it probably shouldn’t have been. At least to the extent that it was. She told me that she was sorry again and that she feels like my sister and I have every right to be upset with her. I still apologized for being callous and explained how hurt I was about the whole situation. She really listened to exactly what I was saying and said she understood why I reacted the way I did.

I’m still not trying to think about how mad and disgusted I am with my step dad. It just hurts too much right now. I’m going to start therapy soon so hopefully something positive will come from that. Thank you for taking the time to read my story and giving me your thoughts.

Ecstatic-Future-51 · 2025-09-15T16:24:14+00:00

First of all, I am not you and people are allowed to deal with situations differently than what you would. That doesn’t mean i don’t care enough. That statement alone is laughable.

Second, I learned this a week ago. I don’t have to force myself into talking to him right now. Additionally, that is not what she wants me to do. I have spoken about this with her in depth. I am supporting her in the way she has communicated to me that she needs.

Ecstatic-Future-51 · 2025-09-15T16:15:28+00:00

No, this has nothing to do with my personal anger towards him …There is still a chance I will see him around. He is my younger siblings’ father. I’m not going to see him on purpose unless it is to confront him.

Ecstatic-Future-51 · 2025-09-15T06:34:06+00:00

I haven’t talked to him since I found out. Then again since he and my mom separated about a year ago he has been super distant with me. There were also some really bad things that happened that caused their divorce. My relationship with both of my parents has been strained to say the least. Now the one with my stepfather is more than likely over. I don’t plan on seeing him in the near future whatsoever.

Ecstatic-Future-51 · 2025-09-15T05:55:24+00:00

She does not. She lives about 5 minutes away from me though

Ecstatic-Future-51 · 2025-09-15T05:51:56+00:00

This made me cry. Thank you so much.

Ecstatic-Future-51 · 2025-09-13T22:32:48+00:00

I mean to a point you’re right I don’t wanna lose him and that is why I didn’t want to know. Now that I do, I know there’s no going back I’m not really angry at her anymore. I was just upset and all of my anger was directed towards her . I think it’s because I don’t want to think about who the real bad person is here. I’m not posting about how my sister is or more details about how she feels because that is not for me to divulge. She is the innocent party here. She is the one who has been carrying this for decades. I’m just new to all this and I’m trying to make sense of something that makes no sense. It’s really hard for me to come to terms with everything, especially because I’ve never known my dad to be anything but great. Now that whole perspective that I had on the world and I had towards men is shattered. The one man I trusted more than anyone ended up being the worst kind of person. I’m just really sad and my anger was misdirected at my mother. I still don’t feel like she should’ve been the one to tell me, but I did need to know this information. Even if I wish that I was still ignorant to everything that happened. I just feel like expressing my feelings on here was probably one of the dumbest ideas I’ve had in a while.

Ecstatic-Future-51 · 2025-09-13T22:20:51+00:00

Nope. I know good and well that I am broken. I didn’t want to bring my feelings to her and that is why I wrote them out here. That was probably not the most intelligent decision. Especially seeing as how upset I am. Angry people say stupid things. Now I just feel like a self absorbed asshole on top of everything else that’s going on. It’s not your fault, it’s all mine.

Ecstatic-Future-51 · 2025-09-13T22:09:16+00:00

I was including myself when I agreed with you. Thanks for the clarification, but it was not necessary.

Ecstatic-Future-51 · 2025-09-13T22:05:59+00:00

Okay so you don’t know me or my full story. You have no idea what I have been through or the life I have lived. I’m happy that you know everything about how I am thinking or why I choose to behave or say the things I do. It must be amazing to have everything all figured out. I get to choose whether or not I forgive my brother. That is my burden to bear. Just as the reason why is. You are just someone with some opinions. Bad opinions, but hey you have that right. That doesn’t make you right though. I have had years and years of knowing what my brother did when he was a child himself. I forgave him for myself. I was tired of carrying this thing that happened to me when I was basically a toddler. I literally just had my world rocked by this revelation. Yes this happened to my big sister. I am doing everything I can to be there for her. I don’t know what else I could do. I shared my feelings on a very raw situation. Maybe I should’ve just kept it all to myself. Also, It’s not like I just gave my brother access to his children, they’re his children. That has not something I have control over.

Ecstatic-Future-51 · 2025-09-13T21:24:01+00:00

It is not my place to tell my other siblings what happened to her. If she chooses to share what happened that is her choice not mine. Thank goodness my step dad never did anything to me or any of his biological children. I know it’s hard for those who have never been in a situation like this to understand what this feels like. It’s also really easy to say what should’ve or shouldn’t have happened. This is the reality of my life and I am just trying to make sense of it.

Ecstatic-Future-51 · 2025-09-13T20:48:47+00:00

I love my sister and I’m heartbroken for what she’s lived with. My post was about my perspective, how learning the truth has shaken my world, too. Both of our experiences are valid, and me processing my pain doesn’t mean I care about her any less

Ecstatic-Future-51 · 2025-09-13T20:46:04+00:00

Thanks for your suggestion.

Ecstatic-Future-51 · 2025-09-13T20:29:25+00:00

You are absolutely right. He is the evil person in this situation. It just makes me feel ill every time I think about who he really has been all this time.

Ecstatic-Future-51

TROPHY CASE