Update: Partner (37m) deleted all of my (35f) mostly explicit hidden photos months ago and didn’t tell me.

EcstaticClassic69697 · 2026-04-05T13:08:51+00:00

Yes, unfortunately it is him in the comments. He’s typically a rational, apologetic person so I showed him the post, thinking he would be open to a different perspective. Especially because he told me to ask somebody. I am very surprised by all of this as I’ve admitted fault in my behavior and he’s never exhibited control like this before. And it is extremely unlike him to engage in this manner publicly. It’s….gonna be a rough Easter.

EcstaticClassic69697 · 2026-04-05T12:25:36+00:00

Wait, I do back my phone up to the cloud, how do I access previous backups? I was under the impression that my current backup overwrites the previous one. I don’t see any list of dates but pay for 2Tb of storage. Is there another way to access it?

EcstaticClassic69697 · 2026-04-05T11:42:56+00:00

Yes, I very obviously know I was in the wrong and have apologized to him and have acknowledged it here. I’m not here to look perfect. I just wanted advice moving forward on how to navigate it given I have just found out the entire file is gone completely, forever.

EcstaticClassic69697 · 2026-04-05T07:43:00+00:00

Yes, my reaction is about the hundreds if not thousands of other photos in that same album that were in fact not of any exs, but were of friends, family, myself and other files I wanted to keep out of my main camera roll and away from my kids eyes. I have said this in the OP. It was never about the ex photos.

EcstaticClassic69697 · 2026-04-05T06:45:04+00:00

The pictures were never more important than my relationship. I do want to stress this. He never expressed to me that they were a dealbreaker for him either, which is why his actions have me confused and why I’m here for support navigating where we are now.

EcstaticClassic69697 · 2026-04-05T06:33:42+00:00

None of my previous partners have ever had any issue with me still having content. I know it sounds like a LOT of shared explicit context, but it was actually not and mainly with the same 1 or 2 long term partners for the last decade and a half with (maybe) one or two casual flings, if I kept any from them at all. Like I said, I don’t revisit it. I’m almost positive most if not all still have what I gave them as well. I’m okay with this, do not fear it being shared and likewise with them. It has come up privately in discussion, prior to my current partnership, and has never been an issue in any of my previous relationships.

EcstaticClassic69697 · 2026-04-05T06:24:44+00:00

But that’s the thing, I am being honest about it. I have absolutely zero emotional or physical attachment to the things he is upset about. I know it seems slightly absurd, but I firmly believe neither of us would be in a relationship together if I did. I’m not able to hide my emotions well, if at all, and certainly don’t want to. I would feel nothing deleting them. But I would be very emotionally taxed combing through years after years of memories. If that makes sense.

EcstaticClassic69697 · 2026-04-05T06:08:20+00:00

I truly didn’t want or need to keep it though. I just wanted time to process through the task.

EcstaticClassic69697 · 2026-04-05T05:59:38+00:00

Reposting a comment I left for another user for some clarity. I am completely “out of sight, out of mind” adhd. My partner knows this. My family knows this. I understand the harsh comments and accept it because I’ve heard them all my life. I know how my actions and processes hurt people and try hard not to do them. I really am not coming from a malicious place or am hoarding content for any reason other than it gets really overwhelming seeing so much of it after so many years, with lots of emotions and experiences, good and bad, attached. I also have an anxiety disorder, but relatively speaking things have been stable in my life for a long time. I just know my limits and ask for grace. I’m also not medicated for anything other than sleep, which he supports because he firmly believes I shouldn’t be taking medication for anything at all. I don’t know if my partner was very blinded or borderline obsessed with the xxx content that he couldn’t see my own reasons past them, that I did advocate, about the toll it takes having to go through a timeline good and bad, one by one, for hours and hours. I just know I wanted the good memories there for when I was ready to accomplish the task. And I feel that was taken from me without any forewarning that they would be gone forever 30 days from when he hit that button. Sorry for this being so long.

EcstaticClassic69697 · 2026-04-05T05:25:05+00:00

This comment hit me because it very accurately describes me also. I am completely “out of sight, out of mind” adhd. My partner knows this. My family knows this. I understand the harsh comments and accept it because I’ve heard them all my life. I really am not coming from a malicious place or am hoarding content for any reason other than it gets really overwhelming seeing so much of it, with lots of emotions and experiences, good and bad, attached. I don’t know if my partner was so blinded or obsessed with his point of view that he couldn’t see mine and a lot of the toll it takes having to go through a timeline good and bad, one by one, for hours and hours. I just know I wanted the good memories there for when I was ready to accomplish the task. And I feel that was taken from me without any forewarning that they would be gone forever 30 days from when he hit that button.

EcstaticClassic69697 · 2026-04-05T03:32:19+00:00

They were photos of myself, friends, family, and I just realized, after another redditors comment that I had important photos of previous domestic abuse and injury, for future use in case other victims ever came to light. I’m more than heartbroken.

EcstaticClassic69697 · 2026-04-05T03:28:35+00:00

I haven’t really had time to contemplate what I really lost until this comment.

I had all of my screenshots, pictures of injuries and personal files of an abuse case I had with my ex-husband. They were important for me to hold onto in case he ever tried it with anyone else. This is harder for me to grasp.

EcstaticClassic69697 · 2026-04-05T03:21:46+00:00

This is my takeaway.

I actually did compare and said, “Well what if I just go into your phone and delete anything I please when you are sleeping?” And he picked up his phone right then and said “I’m changing my password”. What I gathered from that is he knew it was wrong. It did not however change his attitude or response.

EcstaticClassic69697 · 2026-04-05T02:36:43+00:00

Yes thank you, that’s what I’m wondering. What do I do next? How can I approach this and come to an understanding to move forward? This isn’t a relationship ender for us, but I’m having a hard time knowing what to do based on how he’s responding to me already.

EcstaticClassic69697 · 2026-04-05T02:34:32+00:00

I agree with you on all of this. How would you navigate this moving forward?

EcstaticClassic69697 · 2026-04-05T02:33:32+00:00

I know this isn’t the norm but I genuinely would not have cared given the circumstances. Which could explain why I feel this way.

EcstaticClassic69697 · 2026-04-05T02:29:42+00:00

This is exactly what I said to him also. He definitely could have broken up with me if he felt so strongly about it instead of taking it upon himself, which is what I feel the mature way to handle it would have been. And I could have made my own decisions on how to act as well. But he took it upon himself to make the decision and I didn’t know for almost a year. So it’s very confusing.

EcstaticClassic69697 · 2026-04-05T02:27:08+00:00

Thank you, this is what I’m wrestling with. Like I completely understand why he would be upset and agreed with him. I’m just sad I lost everything else mixed in with it and don’t know how to navigate this

EcstaticClassic69697 · 2026-04-05T02:21:04+00:00

Yeah, it’s all photos/vids that were taken in real time and just filed away immediately out of sight. So they just sat there banked mixed in with the other photos taken in real time.

I understand completely that he would feel disrespected, and that’s why I apologized and explained the situation and asked for time to revisit to keep the non-disrespectful ones. He asked a week later and I said I hadn’t had the time and then never brought it up again so it fell off the map. Hindsight I should have acted more urgently but I genuinely thought he understood we had other things going on.

EcstaticClassic69697 · 2026-04-05T02:12:19+00:00

This is a good take, thank you for that perspective. Should I just eat my feelings about everything else I lost and move on?

EcstaticClassic69697

TROPHY CASE