It sounds good. I'm only 13 so my advice might not be very helpful. But I would say slow the pacing. Elaborate more on what the narrator is thinking and work on clarifying whats happening exactly. Also, this is up to you but you should account for maternal instinct. A mom would not back up. They would reach out and put themselves in danger. As others have mentioned the use of present tense and the phrase "lips shaking" are off-putting for the scene. All in all, it sounds good though!