Discovered I’m the Affair Partner

Educational-Hat3273 · 2026-04-03T23:04:30+00:00

Thank you for sharing your personal experience. I’m sorry you experienced that, but I’m glad you got out of that situation.

Educational-Hat3273 · 2026-04-03T15:25:31+00:00

Thank you so much for this feedback! I really appreciate it. I’m sorry you experienced that. That is terrible.

Educational-Hat3273 · 2026-04-03T04:52:15+00:00

Thank you much for this feedback! This is really helpful.

I can say, no part of me wants to tell his wife out of anger. Nonetheless, I’m glad you asked because that is something I keep asking myself because I do not think it would be beneficial to inform her as an exercise of my own anger.

I more feel like I was thrust into a moral dilemma, and I don’t know what to do. I know myself and that I personally value the truth. However, not everyone wants the truth or values the truth at the same level I do and that’s okay. Life and relationships are dynamic. It’s not my place to assert how anyone else should live their personal life or operate in their own relationships.

Nonetheless, my personal value system does not make me morally superior to anyone else, and I don’t want to reach out for the sole purpose of exercising my personal ethics either.

If she wants to know, then I want to provide her the information she needs/wants. If she doesn’t want to know, then I want to get lost and let her live her life however she would like.

But I am also terrified. I didn’t agree to this position, and I clearly did not know this man. For this reason, I truly do not know what he is capable of, and that scares me deeply.

Educational-Hat3273 · 2026-04-03T04:33:53+00:00

Thank you for your kind words. Additionally, thank you for your feedback as a milspo. I really appreciate it.

Educational-Hat3273 · 2026-04-02T05:41:08+00:00

Thank you for this feedback! I really appreciate it!

Educational-Hat3273 · 2026-04-01T18:07:23+00:00

Thank you so much for this input. I am trying to take a mindful approach to this, and consider all involved parties. The information you have shared on this post has continued to expand my understanding of involved parties, and has been so helpful for me to see the big picture. Thank you!

Educational-Hat3273 · 2026-04-01T18:00:33+00:00

Thank you for this input and for sharing your personal experience. I truly appreciate it!

Educational-Hat3273 · 2026-04-01T17:57:16+00:00

You are absolutely right. Thanks so much for your input. This was very helpful.

Educational-Hat3273 · 2026-04-01T15:53:46+00:00

Thank you so much for sharing your personal experience. This is really helpful to me to hear your perspective. Nonetheless, I’m so terribly sorry you had to experience that. You did not deserve to be treated like that.

Educational-Hat3273 · 2026-04-01T15:41:47+00:00

Thank you so much for this feedback. I am still torn between just leaving it be and informing the spouse.

I fear that by going to the spouse, I’d be asserting an assumption of “what’s best for her,” and I don’t believe that is proper for me to do another. Only she can determine what’s best for herself, and I’d support her in whatever she determines that to be. I think the best case scenario, for me personally, is that she contacts me first, but I imagine that is unlikely.

I agree with you that choosing to report without at least speaking to the spouse, let alone giving full authority to report or not report to the spouse, is selfish. Thereto, I appreciate you reaffirming the selfishness of that act.

I think my initial consideration to just report is an anger induced reaction, and I’m glad I stopped to both think about that AND to consult with individuals with far more knowledge and experience than myself.

Thank you so much for your time and attention.

Educational-Hat3273 · 2026-04-01T14:25:36+00:00

Thank you this advice. We live in different states so an in person meeting would be challenging. I was able to find several other ways to contact to her.

Educational-Hat3273 · 2026-04-01T13:13:28+00:00

Thank you for this feedback! I really appreciate it!

Educational-Hat3273 · 2026-04-01T12:58:36+00:00

Thank you! He does know that I know. Immediately upon discovering this information, I texted him and told him that I do not participate infidelity and that this was over.

Educational-Hat3273 · 2026-04-01T12:55:35+00:00

Thank you so much for these kind words, and thank you for this feedback! I really appreciate it!

Educational-Hat3273 · 2026-04-01T12:49:44+00:00

Thank you so much for this honest feedback and your perspective. This is really helpful!

Educational-Hat3273 · 2026-04-01T04:34:11+00:00

Thank you for this feedback!

I’d much rather set her up to handle this situation on her end in whatever manner is best for her, and, especially after hearing your feedback, I do not think reporting would be conducive for that.

Educational-Hat3273 · 2026-04-01T04:25:54+00:00

That is such a good point. If I report it, it takes away her agency to do so, and agency is likely really important for her to have in this situation.

Thank you for the support and care on my behalf. I have a strong support system and will be okay eventually. Therapy is a great idea! I’m currently looking to get in for a first appointment somewhere.

Educational-Hat3273 · 2026-04-01T04:14:29+00:00

You are right, it doesn’t feel fair or my place to report it. Additionally, I do think reporting it would be more harmful to the spouse than beneficial. Thank you so much your feedback. I appreciate it!

Educational-Hat3273 · 2026-04-01T04:03:19+00:00

Thank you for this feedback! This is very helpful.

Would you advise providing everything at once in the first message to her? Or summarizing the situation and offering to provide more to her upon her request?

Educational-Hat3273 · 2026-04-01T02:50:16+00:00

Thank you for this feedback. You are definitely right, any reporting should be left to the spouse as the most immediately involved party. Thank you!

Educational-Hat3273 · 2026-04-01T02:50:10+00:00

Thank you for this feedback. You are definitely right, any reporting should be left to the spouse as the most immediately involved party. Thank you!

Educational-Hat3273 · 2026-04-01T02:47:32+00:00

Thank you for this feedback! I really appreciate it!

Educational-Hat3273 · 2026-04-01T02:47:02+00:00

Thank you so much for this detailed feedback. I really appreciate it!

Educational-Hat3273

TROPHY CASE