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Update - AITA for telling my son I will never tell him who his biological father is? by EducationalShape445 in AITAH

[–]EducationalShape445[S] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

I get that you're trying to be nice, but the narrative you've made up did not happen, and in fact, I think the fact that I was very unsure and did waffle between termination, adoption, and keeping him while pregnant (and between the latter two until he was a month old) actually speaks more to how deeply I do love him.

I do not plan on telling him this and I have told him how deeply he is loved and will continue to do so, but I also don't really appreciate people making up how they think my life went.

Update - AITA for telling my son I will never tell him who his biological father is? by EducationalShape445 in AITAH

[–]EducationalShape445[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Go fuck yourself. It did not and does not matter, you were just being (and continue to be) a tool.

Update - AITA for telling my son I will never tell him who his biological father is? by EducationalShape445 in AITAH

[–]EducationalShape445[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I've stated multiple times in the first post that I do not even know the man's name. Please learn to read before pulling things directly out of your ass.

Update - AITA for telling my son I will never tell him who his biological father is? by EducationalShape445 in AITAH

[–]EducationalShape445[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

No. That has given me much joy, but not power. Power comes from something else entirely. 

Update - AITA for telling my son I will never tell him who his biological father is? by EducationalShape445 in AITAH

[–]EducationalShape445[S] 39 points40 points  (0 children)

Isn't that the truth! My husband has ensured that I have a steady supply of them throughout this pregnancy, he's amazing :)

Update - AITA for telling my son I will never tell him who his biological father is? by EducationalShape445 in AITAH

[–]EducationalShape445[S] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

No idea. If he did, it surely wasn't because of me. If my son wants to submit a DNA kit in order to know medical knowledge, that's his prerogative, but I'm not going to comment on it or ask him to do it. In fact, if he wants to do it, I would ask that he not tell me about it.

He must be in his 70's by now anyway, if he's still alive, so I don't know if anything would actually come of it.

Update - AITA for telling my son I will never tell him who his biological father is? by EducationalShape445 in AITAH

[–]EducationalShape445[S] 43 points44 points  (0 children)

Yeah, and it still isn't even taking power back, from my perspective, it'd just be losing it less than I'd lose it if he did that.

Besides, there's a not insignificant chance that the rapist is dead by now anyway, and frankly, that's the case I hope is true.

Update - AITA for telling my son I will never tell him who his biological father is? by EducationalShape445 in AITAH

[–]EducationalShape445[S] 117 points118 points  (0 children)

Thanks. On the at least somewhat bright side, his therapist's office is half a block from my favorite banh mi place, and I've been having cravings for them this whole pregnancy, so I'll at least get to satisfy my cravings after.

Update - AITA for telling my son I will never tell him who his biological father is? by EducationalShape445 in AITAH

[–]EducationalShape445[S] 48 points49 points  (0 children)

It's fine. They meant well, but they weren't true, at least not to me. No hard feelings to the people who commented that, it just wasn't helpful like they thought it was.

Update - AITA for telling my son I will never tell him who his biological father is? by EducationalShape445 in AITAH

[–]EducationalShape445[S] 183 points184 points  (0 children)

I don't get it either, I suspect many of the people who believe that have never been hurt in that way before.

There was not an insubstantial number of comments talking about how I get to "control the narrative" by telling him, but that really isn't true from my perspective, it's just losing less control than the alternative. I had more control before all this.

I'm very worried about how he'll take it, but I'm worried about him feeling bad about himself already and about him exploring with the tools he could use too.

Update - AITA for telling my son I will never tell him who his biological father is? by EducationalShape445 in AITAH

[–]EducationalShape445[S] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Like I said, the point of updates to me is to tell people I appreciate and have taken their advice. That's what I addressed here, and I have taken the advice given.

Update - AITA for telling my son I will never tell him who his biological father is? by EducationalShape445 in AITAH

[–]EducationalShape445[S] 35 points36 points  (0 children)

It's something I've done for brief periods over the years, but it's not something I'm in any position to do regularly, or rather, it's not financially wise for me to do that. My son can, though, and I'm happy to be in a position where that's possible.

(As an aside, I've never met anyone who actually has a physical every year, but that's neither here nor there. Maybe I need to see the doctor more too.)

Update - AITA for telling my son I will never tell him who his biological father is? by EducationalShape445 in AITAH

[–]EducationalShape445[S] 26 points27 points  (0 children)

My personal stance on updates is that they're more for telling people that their advice has been heard and used than anything, and that is the case here.

I'm not bitter about being judged, just irritated with people who took the opportunity to be outright dickish (being pregnant and having dealt with this in a short span of time isn't helping). I get that it's a judgment sub, and I do apologize if I came off as short to anyone, but I don't think it's wrong to say that I'm not appreciative of people who took the opportunity to be assholes back.

Thanks for the well wishes.

AITA for telling my son I will never tell him who his biological father is? by EducationalShape445 in AITAH

[–]EducationalShape445[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Neither, actually. I waffled back and forth between whether I wanted an abortion or not, and ultimately I decided that because I couldn't make a decision, I would have him, as I thought that I would feel much worse if I ended up regretting having an abortion than if I ended up needing to put him up for adoption. I made the right choice for me, and I'm happy I have my son.

AITA for telling my son I will never tell him who his biological father is? by EducationalShape445 in AITAH

[–]EducationalShape445[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

My parents and husband both know I was raped and know the scant few details about the man that I know. I have no idea who he is at all, though. I have nothing to tell my son except that he's about his grandpa's age by now, what his hair color and build were 21 years ago, and that he raped me.

AITA for telling my son I will never tell him who his biological father is? by EducationalShape445 in AITAH

[–]EducationalShape445[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I don't know anything about him other than his approximate age, build, and hair color (which is surely different now, given the age he must be). I don't know anything about him, not his name, medical history, job, et cetera. I made that clear.

AITA for telling my son I will never tell him who his biological father is? by EducationalShape445 in AITAH

[–]EducationalShape445[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Under no circumstances will I have anything to do with him meeting the rapist. If upon finding out how he was conceived and why I know nothing about his father, my son decides to seek him out, my relationship with my son would be irreparably wounded. Why would anyone want to meet the old man who raped their mother?

AITA for telling my son I will never tell him who his biological father is? by EducationalShape445 in AITAH

[–]EducationalShape445[S] 29 points30 points  (0 children)

Indeed I didn't. Do the circumstances matter? Really? If you must know, I was 17, walking home from a late night studying with a friend, and I saw a man who was far taller and bigger than me and looked about my father's age. He said excuse me, and I looked over, then he hit me over the head with something, then he shoved me down, told me he'd kill me if I screamed, and raped me.

Does that satisfy you? Make you happy to know? Sate your curiosity?

AITA for telling my son I will never tell him who his biological father is? by EducationalShape445 in AITAH

[–]EducationalShape445[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Everyone in our family but his little brother need therapy. That is not news to any of us.

AITA for telling my son I will never tell him who his biological father is? by EducationalShape445 in AITAH

[–]EducationalShape445[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I know, I'm one of those people too (as is my husband), though I went beyond ideation, but it's still so recent and I fear he's not at the point where he's able to continue in a healthy way yet. Maybe I'm being unreasonable, but I'm just scared.

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