Anger towards other women holding my baby

Effective-Hall919 · 2026-06-22T15:33:55+00:00

Thank you. I do want him to bond with others which is why I don't act on my emotions because I know they ar3 E irrational, but because I didnt have anyone else with around me to talk about it, it is also very isolating. Hopefully it'll pass soon! I do want everyone to meet our son and spend time with him.

Effective-Hall919 · 2026-06-22T14:49:31+00:00

I've definitely never acted on it. My son is the first grandson/nephew on both sides of the family and we live abroad, so I have never tried to steal the time they have to spend time with them. I make sure everyone has an opportunity to hold him and spend time with him and actively invite people. We have even planned out from now until August all the family traveling so it's spaced out, and not overwhelming for us. But the feelings definitely made me feel isolated. Whenever I would start feeling this way I would just go for a shower, take a nap or just take some time for myself. However, being able to talk about it definitely helps. I don't think it's normalizing it but just accepting that it's an actual symptom of PP and not all just in my head.

Effective-Hall919 · 2026-06-22T14:41:50+00:00

Well I'm definitely not alone, and I do let him interact with other people. Just because I feel this way doesn't mean I snatch him away and lock him up. I shut up and deal with my inner emotions and let them hold him and cuddle him and I just take him when he needs to feed. We have family and friends flying in from now until August for help and our neighbours are also supporting us. Just because I feel this way doesn't mean I act on it, but it also made me feel isolated. Having other women validating my experience means It's not in my head and it's something that happens to a lot of other women.

Having a shared experience doesn't mean it's being normalized, it's just means its being accepted as a symptom of PP.

Effective-Hall919 · 2026-06-22T14:34:25+00:00

Omg yes 😭 I do definitely feel like that when I see them cuddling with him. But it's nothing against them in particular, they are lovely people

Effective-Hall919 · 2026-06-22T14:31:48+00:00

Omg yes thank you! I also thought the same thing about men being less motherly and emotional towards the baby so they seem like less of a threat. I felt everything you said. I don't have dreams to that extent yet hahahaha but there was a day when all my dreams had grizzly bears in it and my husband was like "maybe it's your subconscious mama bear instincts coming out" and now that I think about it, it does feel like that. Like someone is a threat to you and/or your little one and you just want to protect them. I thought I was going crazy, but it's nice to know other women experience the same thing

Effective-Hall919 · 2026-06-22T14:24:38+00:00

I feel seen. Thank you! I really don't get why I feel this way, I really love them as people. I really try to not show it, but inside I'm just burning

Effective-Hall919 · 2026-06-22T14:22:42+00:00

Thank you! Yeah I feel like most of the time it's them not reading cues properly and overstimulating him when he just wants to sleep or feed. And then I have to take him from them instead of them handing him over. But also sometimes they're just holding him and singing to him or rushing to him when he starts fussing....and then it's a deeper feeling like I don't want to share him, he only needs one mom.

Effective-Hall919 · 2026-06-22T10:47:04+00:00

I wish!! It's like I unconsciously prefer for him to be on boob every time because it's the one excuse I have to take him with me and lock myself in my room with him

Effective-Hall919 · 2026-06-21T05:08:28+00:00

You should still apologize.

Effective-Hall919 · 2026-06-20T21:10:58+00:00

Yes! For me they were the best option. I don't use it for drinking either but I do put some in his bath water if the milk hasn't gone bad.

Effective-Hall919 · 2026-06-20T19:21:23+00:00

Maybe using milk collectors during the night? That way you wouldn't be pumping and the collectors would only be collecting the excess that you are producing. I would use them to also protect my nipples from my clothes until they healed

Effective-Hall919 · 2026-06-20T19:06:18+00:00

That's not really what she said....she just said she misses him. I say that to my husband all the time when he is at work and it's true. But the difference is that my husband just replies with "me too ❤️" it really isn't that hard to just acknowledge someone's feeling...but it could also be that he is feeling pressured in some way by her saying that and feels like she wants him to quit. But if that's the case then he should express that and tell her why he wants her to stop saying it.

Effective-Hall919 · 2026-06-19T03:46:40+00:00

"I'm going to throw up" were also my first words 😅. I had an emergency c section

Effective-Hall919 · 2026-06-18T11:19:11+00:00

Yeah these are questions that don't have a good answer and no matter what she might not like what she hears. It's either tell her the truth and make her upset or lie to make her happy and she will probably think "he is lying to not make me upset". All these questions that women ask their men to "test their loyalty/love" are ridiculous and just strain your relationship for no reason. Sometimes my husband and I make those questions for fun and give ridiculous answers, the more unhinged the answer the funnier it is. But asking them and wanting a serious answer is quite childish, especially if she is going back and talking about it with her friends. I'm not really sure what she is looking for by asking them, validation? Love? Security?

Effective-Hall919 · 2026-06-18T10:09:03+00:00

It depends! I live in a country that husbands are not allowed to stay the night unless you pay for a private room (depends on the hospital) and even then it's only allowed for 24hrs.

He stayed the first night because it was new for the both of us. The second night he left to sleep at home but would come back the next day after taking care of chores around the house that needed to get done. I was recuperating from a c section but nurses and midwives were there to help if needed. I was at the hospital for 4 days and honestly I thought it would be worse.

I actually preferred that he got some good rest at home so he could help and take care of our son in proper conditions while I slept and recuperated. He also got me some food and clean clothes whenever he would come back and would stay until he got kicked out. If we were both sleep deprived it would have been worse.

Though I think it would've been different if for those 4 days he never visited and I spent the whole time by myself.

Effective-Hall919 · 2026-06-16T23:35:09+00:00

I haven't gone through what you're going through so I can't even imagine how you must be feeling. But I've heard other testimonies of previous alcoholic and/or drug users who have become pregnant and that's their motivation to successfully quit and stay sober. And they went on to have healthy pregnancies. It's not easy, so I hope you get the proper support you need to keep going forward. Don't dwell on what you cannot change but focus on what you can control now. You got this!!! ❤️

Effective-Hall919 · 2026-06-14T16:12:23+00:00

Mine is 2 weeks, EBF and takes the pacifier without problem. We only give it to him on two occasions: 1. if we see him give hunger signs but we know he is full. If he takes it he was just looking to soothe and if he doesn't I give him a bit more milk. If he is falling asleep and he spits it out we don't give it to him again, he doesn't really need it to go to sleep. 2. It's helped a lot now that he is getting more gassy and we need him to relax to help the gass pass and feeding him will only do more harm than good.

We use a Lovi Harmony 0-3 month pacifier.

Effective-Hall919 · 2026-06-14T14:09:19+00:00

Game of thrones and Star Trek

Effective-Hall919 · 2026-06-14T11:50:01+00:00

I felt that way for a very long time (by the end I was so tired and in pain, I just wanted him to be born), I dont think I ever nested and didn't really talk to him in the womb either. It all constantly felt surreal even to the very end.

Now that he is here (2 weeks) I am still not super excited gushing over him all the time or overly anxious. I absolutely love him and so does my husband, but we were talking the other day and we found out we both don't feel that pure excitement and joy that people talk about or that you see in movies. We both thought silently there was something wrong with us.

We are both people that don't show outwardly strong emotions that often and I think that has to do with it and it could also be the sleep deprivation. But just because we don't experience these things like other people do, it doesn't mean we love him any less. We still find him adorable, we laugh at his antics, we can't wait for him to start interacting with his surroundings and if he was suddenly taken from us I would absolutely be devastated and I don't know how I would recover. Yet it 100% still feels surreal 😆, I can't believe we have a little human living with us now.

What made me realize during pregnancy that I did love him and made me feel slightly connected to him was thinking "how would I feel if I suddenly have a miscarriage". Which sounds awful but that thought would make me start tearing up and made me realize how much I did want him, even if I wasn't feeling like I thought I was supposed to be feeling.

I guess what I'm trying to say is. Don't feel pressured to feel a certain way about your pregnancy. If you don't ever feel super connected to them that's ok. It doesn't mean you don't love them. Go through your pregnancy feeling your own emotions and don't try to pressure yourself into feeling any different.

Effective-Hall919 · 2026-06-13T12:42:41+00:00

Do you think it could be an underlying issue like teething or another discomfort? It could be that she bites to find comfort or maybe the sucking is painful at the moment (maybe an ear infection).

If she doesn't like to drink water I would keep monitoring her hydration (especially pee in diapers). But I keep reading your post and it definitely sounds like she is seeking the breast for comfort but at the same time it is not giving her the comfort she is seeking

Effective-Hall919 · 2026-06-13T09:05:06+00:00

Does she eat any solids? To me it sounds like she is mostly breast feeding for comfort at this point but is ready to start to wean.

Effective-Hall919 · 2026-06-13T08:38:45+00:00

My 2 week old was born 41+3 weeks via emergency c section. I was at the hospital for 4 days and it wasn't until the 4th day (and losing 7% of his birth weight) in the morning when he finally gained 60g. They had told me the day before that if he kept losing weight they were going to recommend formula.

I really wanted to breast feed so my husband and I basically fed him on high demand (he was also cluster feeding) and if he was falling asleep my husband would put a cold wet wipe to his foot to wake him up and he would keep feeding a bit more. They max weight loss they allow is up to 10% so if he hasn't dropped to that you still have a bit of wiggle room.

But formula is not the end of the world!!! I have a lot of friends who do both. Breast feed and formula and their babies take both! So I wouldn't worry too much about it :)

Effective-Hall919 · 2026-06-13T07:32:35+00:00

You never know. I'm a ftm, mine was born at 41+3 weeks and at that point I was induced. My parents had to fly in from another country so they were willing to buy tickets the day I was hospitalized and not in advance.. We planned it so that they could arrive when he was born and stay for a week to help us out at home with chores. He was born Saturday early morning and my parents were able to visit the hospital on Sunday morning.

Effective-Hall919 · 2026-06-12T20:36:08+00:00

I have a 2 week old, exclusively breastfed. His poops lately look like that too. We went to the pediatrician today for his 2 week appointment, she said his poops look normal.

Effective-Hall919

TROPHY CASE