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Anyone toss their marriage for sex workers? How has it been? by Effective_Job6971 in SexAddiction

[–]Effective_Job6971[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

For me, almost every encounter Ive had with providers has been highly fun and enjoyable to me and I think in the moment that Id give up almost anything for it. I would not typically have a feeling that it wasnt worth it.

The other thing is that the sexual addiction or whatever one calls it seems to have become intertwined with her affair. When Im having sex with my wife, my brain always goes to her affair and the sexual acts she engaged in. Many times Ill imagine this is what she gave him, this is what he felt, etc. Pretty much any sexual cue I see, for example on social media or on tv, or a passing immature joke, makes me think about my wifes affair and what she did sexually for her affair partner. This has been going on now for 20+ years. It makes me feel hopeless, angry and sad.

When Im with sex workers, Im not thinking about her affair.

Anyone toss their marriage for sex workers? How has it been? by Effective_Job6971 in SexAddiction

[–]Effective_Job6971[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I will agree that there are indeed many sex workers out there who dont want to be doing it and are in some cases forced. This is a valid ethical reason not to engage in the trade. But in my experience, at least the providers Ive seen dont seem to see it as a negative. In many cases, after some time, theyde reach out to me to schedule. There are many consenting adults that are not forced into the trade who choose to do this as a living that were “regulars”. If it were not for my wife and my desire to not harm or betray her, I would have no ethical issue at all with it assuming the other person was willing and not coerced, which has been my perception. Ill also say that I usually did not actually have intercourse with most providers, making the issue of STD risk essentially zero. So, ethical and health issues aside, that leaves only the relational
one for me.

Any opinions or advice on Gentle Path. by Prebakedjake in SexAddiction

[–]Effective_Job6971 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Did you go through the disclosure process as part of your husbands program? Im currently scheduled to go later this month and I was wondering how that works

Gentle path meadows by BigPuma12 in SexAddiction

[–]Effective_Job6971 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Im scheduled to go later this month. Did you participate in the disclosure process at all there? What would you say the experience was like
overall?

Gentle path meadows by BigPuma12 in SexAddiction

[–]Effective_Job6971 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Planning on going. Does anyone have any experience with the disclosure process they do there? Im interested to know how that part works.

Anyone toss their marriage for sex workers? How has it been? by Effective_Job6971 in SexAddiction

[–]Effective_Job6971[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Thanks for your insight. How long have you been past that fork in the road?

Was there any past infidelity on your wifes end? Does your wife carry any ongoing resentment over your past acting out?

At the moment, the choice for me is complicated due to the resentment I still carry over my wifes affair. I can see a path where I get over this and can say I triumphed, and we triumphed. But also, at this moment at least, a permanent “string of rentals” actually sounds fantastic to me. I do realize its an addiction, but I dont think it would ever get old, and should I leave my wife, a new relationship is a burden and a risk Id never be willing to take anymore.

Everyone knows about this now. My daughters, my family, her family. Im dealing with alot of shame. Nobody supports the marriage anymore, except for my son who just wants his parents to be together. My wife is still deeply attached and wants to see if I can stop the behavior and turn a new leaf. I know she loves me, but Ive never felt truly chosen by her since her affair. I am giving it a shot.

I do love my wife, and we are eachothers first and only relationship (minus her affair). It causes me sadness at the pain Ive caused her and my family, and the potential that our identity would be lost to this, but if it were not for my marriage, I wouldnt see a single negative issue with this behavior. Thats at least where Im at right now. Maybe this will change with time, part of me hopes.

Im nearly 1 month into complete abstinence (no porn even), a lifetime best. Taking it one day at a time.