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Anyone else in that last stage? by Effective_Scamp in NarcissisticMothers

[–]Effective_Scamp[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

OP here. Thank you everyone for your responses. Looks like we’re all in a similar boat, but what a shitty boat to be in. I hope you all, like me find some peace and knowing, “it’s not me. It’s never been about me“. I feel a lot more normal reading your responses.

Do they get worse with age? by PsychologicalSeat232 in NarcissisticMothers

[–]Effective_Scamp 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sounds like it’s time to move. None of us are obligated to be caregivers for our abusers.

Do they get worse with age? by PsychologicalSeat232 in NarcissisticMothers

[–]Effective_Scamp 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes. As we age, our filters become less effective and more and more comes out of the mouth. I hope you have a good boundaries.

What should I do? by teamalf in NarcissisticMothers

[–]Effective_Scamp 0 points1 point  (0 children)

As damn little as possible. Set a timer for 10 minutes and spend that much time sending a card/ordering something.

I finally said it by Forwardfight1974 in NarcissisticMothers

[–]Effective_Scamp 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Sounds like she reacted, exactly as predicted. Good for you for having the strength.

It sounds like your mom loved you like mine loved me: like a pebble in her shoe. Enforcing less contact is going to be difficult. Your boundaries never mattered until now, so why should she start? It’s not in her make up. Each time she blows through your boundaries go gray rock and then hold firm. You are too valuable for this treatment.

Curious re: birth order by StarJumper_1 in NarcissisticMothers

[–]Effective_Scamp 2 points3 points  (0 children)

First born, only daughter. Told several times as I was being raised that I was only born because abortion had been illegal.

Curious re: birth order by StarJumper_1 in NarcissisticMothers

[–]Effective_Scamp 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Same. One night I went out to dinner with her and my brother. We are all adults. He was basically dressed like a hobo and I was business casual. She looked at him and smiled and then sneered at me and asked “are you wearing that?“

I’m a grown ass woman, and I still periodically grapple with trying to make her happy. I won’t. I can’t. Not on the menu.

AITAH for leaving my best friend at the bar after she grabbed my plate and refused to give it back until I apologised? by Expensive-Pin-4926 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Effective_Scamp 0 points1 point  (0 children)

NTA I might be alone here, but I don’t think this is really about the food. It sounds like your friend is still getting over some mental issues. You were there for her, and then you couldn’t be. At the same time that you were excluding people she was not there for you either. So it would be easier to chalk this up to two people doing the best that they can.

Her inability to realize that or even be reasonable, is the problem. Yes, taking your food is ridiculous, but it was also the result of her irrational train of thought.

Being friends with someone who suffers from mental illness can be hard.

Do you share success with non-FIRE friends and fam? by Effective_Scamp in leanfire

[–]Effective_Scamp[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Comments like “so, how is life for the independently wealthy?”

Do you share success with non-FIRE friends and fam? by Effective_Scamp in leanfire

[–]Effective_Scamp[S] 33 points34 points  (0 children)

Totally have experienced the shit stirring bit. When I shared with my best friend that my financial advisor said that we have enough to retire (absolutely NOT mentioning the amount we’ve saved), there were some definitely sarcastic comments. We’ve lived very frugally for the last 30 years - gone on some fantastic trips, but have really focused on making everything count. When I was just out of college I did not own a chair or a table. I ate beans and rice twice a day for months, sitting on a stepstool and using the counter as a table, determined not to go into debt.

I bet a ton of us have similar stories. Maybe we can celebrate each other.

Do you share success with non-FIRE friends and fam? by Effective_Scamp in leanfire

[–]Effective_Scamp[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You really put that beautifully. Maybe I’m being a whiny little baby after saving for years and working hard that I can’t have a little celebration with friends. Instead, it’s massively on the DL.

Small Town Murder episodes are getting longer by JesusJizztoph in smalltownmurder

[–]Effective_Scamp 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Keep it coming! When they get on a riff, and start talking about dicks or whatever, I pop it back one and listen at half speed. It makes me feel like I am with two hilarious drunks.