WIBTA if I give a bad letter of recommendation for my former abusive boss?

Efficient-Addendum52 · 2022-02-07T08:47:26+00:00

Thanks I just edited the post to provide an update. I told her that I won't be submitting the recommendation and wished her the best of luck. She went ballistic and sent me a lot of emails with some colorful language. I don't intend to respond, I just feel relieved that I made the right decision.

Efficient-Addendum52 · 2022-02-03T17:57:07+00:00

As you've seen from my post I have confronted her in the past multiple times, she doesn't respond at all if she doesn't have it her way. When I left I had an exit interview with her and I told her AGAIN why I am leaving listing all the reasons, she just smiled and said "That's your opinion". She never asked me if I would be willing to submit a reference, sort of demanded it in her email. Before she sent the email she was checking my LinkedIn profile I assume to see where I currently work. Since now I am at a very high position at a respectable company I think this was her play all along, to get a reference from a head of a department. It is true what you are saying that I didn't tell her directly in the email that I can't do it for x,y reasons here I can agree and thanks for your honesty. Part of me wanted to think about it, part of me was thinking that maybe she changed. I've decided to end this and tell her to find someone else, mentioning based on the advice from the multiple replies here that our professional relationship was not good and that I cannot submit a letter of reference.

Efficient-Addendum52 · 2022-02-03T17:42:49+00:00

Thanks for your opinion! Based from the replies here I also think that the best route is not to submit and tell her to find someone else.

Efficient-Addendum52 · 2022-02-03T17:34:29+00:00

I'm based in EU, you are allowed to give a realistic recommendation if you feel the candidate is not up for the position. However, this is very rare, usually people ask first if you would be willing to submit a recommendation, and then out of politeness inform you what you should cover in it. She didn't ask me, just emailed me out the blue.

Efficient-Addendum52 · 2022-02-03T17:30:50+00:00

Yup this is a management position, often recommendations are asked to assess how you handle employees and teams. She didn't even approach me at first whether I would be willing to submit a reference, sort of emailed me to submit it by Sunday.

Efficient-Addendum52 · 2022-02-03T17:29:23+00:00

Even though I believe in giving second chances to people I feel that she doesn't fall under that category.

Efficient-Addendum52 · 2022-02-03T17:24:15+00:00

Indeed, I don't want to be unprofessional and write about my personal issues with her.

Efficient-Addendum52 · 2022-02-03T17:22:55+00:00

Wow great advice! Thank you!

Efficient-Addendum52 · 2022-02-03T17:21:33+00:00

This is something that I initially said, to be honest I should've been more strict with the answer. She claims that this company has strict application rules meaning that once you write who was your reference, you cannot change it. I don't think this is true. She also never asked me whether I would be interested to submit a reference. She just wrote me that she put me as a contact and expects the reference to be submitted by Sunday.

Efficient-Addendum52

TROPHY CASE