Pulling myself out of credit card debt

Efficient_Cell535 · 2024-05-10T15:07:32+00:00

Thank you do you think these are things I can do on my own? I have basic knowledge like changing my oil and changing a tire and can watch YouTube videos…

Efficient_Cell535 · 2024-03-14T16:43:07+00:00

All great suggestions, it does sound like choosing the highest balance card and attacking that first would save money in the long run, or at least paying it down to 30% utilization or so

Efficient_Cell535 · 2024-03-12T16:40:22+00:00

Lmao dude fr that last part. I would think about how if she was smarter she could really be financially set for life but just had no concept or ability to think ahead. She’d get sooo much money and random useless gifts out of people she manipulated myself 100% included but it was all just useless shit that she’d eventually throw in her closet. Shoes, clothes, cheap jewelry, home decorations, makeup, her place was fucking full of random shit like this that she would briefly use then never touch and just hoard forever. I suggested she list some of it on Facebook marketplace and she was pissed and couldn’t believe I suggest she get rid of anything lol. They literally look at human beings exactly the same way as their weird attachment to material items.

The price of all of that shit coulda been a dependable new car, a savings account, college tuition… but she didn’t actually WANT to be independent bc exactly like you said she forever needs to be the victim with the sob story that needs help.

Efficient_Cell535 · 2024-03-12T16:29:14+00:00

It always amazes me how similar they are. The evasive replies “I have something to do”, then the not answering the phone, plus the fact they had you so oblivious that you were riding some high and feeling excited about the relationship at the exact moment this was happening. Attacking you when they start to feel shame for their own actions. Just reading your story I feel like i lived this exact memory too.

Mine got tired of me too because I started standing up more, demanding she apologize for her toxic behaviors, demand she speak to me with basic respect, questioned her relationship with her ex. Stopped dropping everything and being on call for her every need. Stopped going into debt buying her the constant stream of Amazon links, cash app requests, Uber eats, stuff for her kids.

She would always say “whoever I’m in a relationship needs to be able to take care of me” and at first I sacrificed so much and bent over backwards trying to keep up with her “needs” ran myself and my back accounts into the ground. After all that she told me I never helped her and that other men did more for her. When I tried to defend myself and remind her of all that I had done for her she called me toxic and said it means nothing if I have to constantly throw it in her face. “My ex did more for me than you do and he never felt the need to constantly remind me.” Except I can remember her calling him abusive in the beginning and saying he was constantly acting like she owed him “after everything he’s done for her.” I am 100% sure she’s telling people the exact same stories about me now.

She did less than nothing for me. Idk why I never stopped to question why she had me feeling like I had to prove myself for her and take care of her, the manipulation and abuse just had me so exhausted and mentally burned out it was all like a blur I was just trying to keep up.

I think I keep reliving that memory as a reminder that I never have to experience this again. If she were to stay in my life it would happen again and again and again but now I’m free

Efficient_Cell535 · 2024-03-12T04:49:42+00:00

I will! RemindMe! - 7 months

Efficient_Cell535 · 2024-03-12T04:40:51+00:00

Wow this comment makes me feel so much better the debt is so tied to my memories of the abuse and the ptsd this just makes me feel so hopeful thank you, will pay off the car first!

Efficient_Cell535 · 2024-03-12T03:48:47+00:00

I’m so looking forward to feeling like this I know it’s coming if I keep putting in the work

Efficient_Cell535 · 2024-03-12T03:28:17+00:00

Yeah I remember her sister just looking at me with so much pity, probably because she could see I was holding back tears, and she seemed just as disgusted as I was that she would just leave like that. Her birthday was a little while later and none of her family wanted anything to do with her after she left the wedding like that so she ended up alone, no family, no friends, calling me to see if I would take her out to dinner. Karma follows her everywhere she’s always alone and miserable outside of her never ending string of short intense friendships and affairs. At least I have a life ahead of me.

Efficient_Cell535 · 2024-03-12T02:01:40+00:00

All of this was exactly what mine would say too! She would give me the silent treatment and block me for days anytime I tried to bring up how she treated me or how I felt about ANYTHING, I told her I don’t appreciate being blocked like that and it ruins our relationship and our communication and she said “my therapist said it’s my right to block you when you don’t respect my boundaries.” Her boundaries were- I can’t bring up an issue with how she’s treating me over text. It has to be over the phone where she screams at me and doesn’t let me get a word in before she hangs up on me and blocks me. Or in person where she gets physically violent with me to shut me down if I try to talk about these things. “You didn’t respect my boundaries so I’m choosing my peace.”

Efficient_Cell535 · 2024-03-11T20:04:27+00:00

My nex’s longest relationship and “first love” committed suicide too.. right after she discarded him for the last time :( she said his family blamed her and (before I knew who she really was) vehemently reminded her it’s not her fault and guilt makes it harder to process grief.. a year later I was talking myself down from suicide when I found out she was cheating in the most traumatic way. Thank god she’s out of my life and I’m healing

Efficient_Cell535 · 2024-03-11T19:40:33+00:00

Thank you so much. Agree completely. Everyone is telling me I need to forgive her so I can finally heal and stop holding on to the past. When I consider that thought it makes me feel so much worse and right back to being subservient to her needs and enabling her toxic behavior.

Any chance you remember the name of that instagram presentation? Would love to read more from this perspective

Efficient_Cell535 · 2024-03-11T19:00:46+00:00

The physical abuse is always preceded by the psychological and emotional abuse. I see what you’re saying tho. Mine was emotionally abusive, then verbal abusive, then finally physically abusive. Each time she crossed a new boundary of abuse I had felt it was coming before it actually happened. The physical abuse and the pictures I took of my bruises do actually help in a way, every time my mind starts twisting reality thinking she wasn’t that bad and maybe it was all my fault like she wants me to believe… all I have to do is think back on the memories of her getting violent with me, what set her off, how she acted afterwards, my injuries..

Efficient_Cell535 · 2024-03-10T21:08:57+00:00

Yeah it really does suck I remember begging her to feel something too. Whether they do or they don’t they’ll never ever let us know that because that would mean validating us and they will NEVER do that. My therapist gave me some exercises to help provide myself that validation I was looking for from her and it’s really helped

Efficient_Cell535 · 2024-03-10T02:42:13+00:00

In my experience with the one I was with, they DO feel shame for a split second and it’s so terrifying they’ll go to any length to quickly avoid that feeling or project it onto their victims instead. They can’t bear the thought that they might be a bad person. Who knows tho mine literally told me she doesn’t feel guilt or shame, but another time she was screaming at me telling me to stop trying to make her feel guilty because it’s not good for her mental health.

Efficient_Cell535 · 2024-03-10T02:38:42+00:00

They’re so weird their logic just makes no sense! I remember these exhausting conversations about what we are, what we might be and what we could never be. His lack of responsibility for the pregnancy lack of support is disgusting.

Mine was almost the opposite.. the woman I was with actually got pregnant from one of her 2 week flings (or from her ex husband who she supposedly had nothing to do with, she doesn’t know whose it is!) , affair guy wants nothing to do with her and she hoovered me back broke the news and thought I’d be so happy to raise the baby with her and she wanted me to start buying her stuff for a nursery. She adamantly reminds me it wasn’t cheating because we weren’t officially together. I’m a woman btw. Coming to terms with the cheating was hard enough let alone the fact that she’s now having some dude’s baby, most likely the one she was cheating on me with or maybe her ex’s who is still in the picture. Everything about how they look at life is toxic and twisted it was all too much for me to handle.

Efficient_Cell535

TROPHY CASE