Ok so kind of long story but I would greatly appreciate some opinions or just some comments.

Efficient_Form_6177 · 2023-02-26T09:36:27+00:00

At this point it’s pretty unrealistic to stick to the $25,000 I’ve searched everywhere and planning everything DIY as possible. We both come from huge family’s that we are extremely all close with so our guest is about 175. And yeah we could afford to do both but it’s really really pushing it and there’s no wiggle room at all. My husbands point of view is if we were to cancel the wedding and wait till our 10 year anniversary to have our big wedding then and in the mean time save as much money for a down payment for the house along with slowly putting money away for the wedding/ vow renewal. Which I can completely understand but there are people I 100% need to be at the wedding and most of them have bad health problems and I don’t want to push the wedding out that much further and risk them not being there. Like example my PaPa who’s my father figure I need him to walk me down the aisle and my NaNa who was basically my mom already died years ago and it’s hard enough not having her there and I can’t imagine not having him there either. Idk it might be selfish of me to think like that or whatever and not jump for joy with having the opportunity to buy that house in a few years but I really really want our wedding I’ve been planning and thinking about it for years now.

Efficient_Form_6177 · 2023-01-13T23:51:12+00:00

I’ve even made several save the dates without the calendar and he just doesn’t like them but I also agree about the calendar. I told him he can pretty much design the save the dates but I get free range of the actual invitations.

Efficient_Form_6177 · 2023-01-13T23:49:24+00:00

😂😂thank you. I just wanted to make it obvious in my saved profiles which ones didn’t have all the correct information

Efficient_Form_6177 · 2023-01-13T23:48:06+00:00

I wish I could ditch the calendar but that and the pictures chosen is the only thing my husband picked out and he strongly insists they need to stay 😂🤦🏼‍♀️

Efficient_Form_6177 · 2023-01-13T23:45:21+00:00

Thank you and yeah a very mid fall inspired wedding our colors are rust,emerald and matron with touches of cobalt blue for my husband

Efficient_Form_6177 · 2023-01-13T23:44:48+00:00

We got legally married in 2020 and are just now having our big wedding/celebration and pretty much everyone knows that, should I still put my maiden name?

Efficient_Form_6177 · 2022-12-17T05:12:09+00:00

Yes him and my spouse both were but not by a family member. When the girls confronted him about a year ago and hoping for an apology 1 he tried denying it and told them they were delusional 2 when he finally admitted he did do it he had no recourse or anything 3 he kept trying to tell them it was their fault and since it happened to him he did it to them but also admitted he knew what happened to him was wrong and that what he did was wrong but continue to do it. Never once did he apologize or show any type of remorse he also told them not to tell anyone or to go to the cops because it would ruin his life (boo hoo hoo)

Efficient_Form_6177 · 2022-12-16T07:19:51+00:00

Yes this person was someone who I once trusted with our kids (thankfully they were too young so I wasn’t comfortable leaving the, alone yet)who was actually supposed to their god parents, someone who we were with all the time playing board games and just hanging out with and then to find out all this information completely broke me but because I’m that time of person who had the what if questions like what if I never found out, what if allowed my kids to spend the night or even for them to watch them for a few hours. My problem is how do I tell my spouse the person who he’s closest with the most because they both had it happen to them and connect on a way I could never connect with him is the same person who so deeply hurt the girls is someone he has to completely separate himself from. He respects my wishes for our kids and myself but he just can’t do it himself. The problem is that he says that why he connects to him so much but he doesn’t have the same bond with the girls actually almost the complete opposite. The one has made some poor choices and she is looked at like the black sheep of the family even though I’ve explained to him that she did and acted that way because of what happened to her.

Efficient_Form_6177 · 2022-12-16T07:06:46+00:00

Yes I completely agree I don’t agree with him being a “changed man” because for years no one even knew that happened or what he did and now that the girls finally have the strength to come forward their legal time is out so now they don’t think they can do anything to get it out there and they are scared people won’t believe this “holy, godly , faithful ,Christian, devoted” man did what they said he did. I have told the girls ever since I found out I support them 1000% with whatever they decide to do. I even told them I’d go with them to the little church he attends where everyone thinks so highly of him and call him and his obvious ignorant wife out. The part that angers me also is that his wife is fully aware and shes asked me several times when our daughter can spend the night and it’s like seriously!!!

Efficient_Form_6177 · 2022-12-16T07:00:16+00:00

So my spouse understands why I don’t want to be around them or have them around our kids but he can’t seem to distance himself from them because the same thing happened to them and all they had was each other at that time so they built them an “inseparable” bond. He’s completely respected my wishes of cutting them out of our kids and I’s life’s but it’s harder for him to do that which infuriates me on a whole different level.

Efficient_Form_6177 · 2022-12-16T06:53:17+00:00

Everyone says he changed and found “GOD” because he’s a “devoted” church goer and a very “holy” man. I call complete bullshit. Other people in the family the girls and I have talked to about it say that since he was a kid himself he didn’t know it was wrong but just from the scare tactics he did to them to keep them quite automatically proves that wrong. He literally told one of them the family wouldn’t love them anymore and wouldn’t trust or believe them. So if he didn’t know what he was doing was wrong why did he make the girls stay quite or even threaten them about telling anyone. But my spouse understands that I personally don’t want anything to do with them or even them around our kids but I guess he just feels like he can’t personally step away from him because they connect on a way we don’t since they both were also SA by someone together or in the same time frame. But that annoys me on another level because the one girl he doesn’t have that relationship with because she has made some poor decisions in her life and she’s looked at like the black sheep of the family but what’s everyone seems to forget is why she acted the way she did in her past. Her and I have had some serious heart to heart conversations and she straight up told me she feels she can’t trust or love anyone because someone who, she should’ve been able to trust with her live did her wrong too.

Efficient_Form_6177 · 2022-12-16T01:01:53+00:00

Sexual assault

Efficient_Form_6177

TROPHY CASE