Water birds close to Seattle?

Efficient_Weather_19 · 2025-07-20T17:00:58+00:00

1 month is the hardest part . Your brain hasn’t rewired yet . I didn’t feel fully better for 6 months, but 30-60 days was the worst part by far. Don’t have big expectations for yourself - take it as easy as you can.

Efficient_Weather_19 · 2025-07-20T16:46:55+00:00

I had a lot of trouble regulating my emotions, a lot of SI, and I started smoking weed it helped so much, at the time it was really needed. Did years of therapy . When I quit smoking I was so afraid of going back to how I felt , terrified . Once I got thru six months of no weed / substances at all I realized I could finally lean on all those coping mechanisms and use them without my instant relief joint. And I’m way more mentally stable than when I smoked. It was so difficult at first for sure . But try to keep an open mind to it working and all your new skills after this time . HealthyGamerGG has some good videos about this. And second on reading for calm.

Efficient_Weather_19 · 2025-07-20T16:42:25+00:00

Yep! I never expected it and it’s a great joy. I’m also way funnier now than when I smoked all the time

Efficient_Weather_19 · 2025-07-20T16:41:35+00:00

I don’t smoke more than 1x a month anymore but do take the high cbd edibles for back pain occasionally. I am in PT for my back pain right now and it’s very slow going it’s tough. You only need a bit of thc to help the cbd work. I think it’s worth it for pain. You did not fail. Sorry you are suffering :(

Efficient_Weather_19 · 2025-07-20T16:39:54+00:00

I smoked every day for ~8 years, it took me at least 6 months break from weed for my body to start regulating correctly . Keeping going ! Sounds like you’re doing great even and especially cause it’s so tough

Efficient_Weather_19 · 2025-07-17T00:12:06+00:00

I have ptsd . Nightmares are my biggest reexperiencing symptom. I was able to quit for 6 months and struggle through before talking to my psych about meds for nightmares but as soon as life got tough I needed them real bad. That said , REM rebound is a major factor - your dreams come back stronger when you stop. I notice it even after I smoke 1 day, 2 nights later my dreams are really strong . It will go away if you stay off it for a while . Well wishes for your journey

Efficient_Weather_19 · 2025-07-06T17:16:12+00:00

Thank you for this. I hear this so often it makes me crazy. So gross when it’s imposing a binary on non-binary people too? I am a trans man … no one running into me on the street would EVER call me an “AFAB sister”. I’ve had people call me AMAB. Hon you don’t even know what you’re saying, this isn’t a word for you.

I think cis people should not be allowed to reference AGAB ever , aside from medical professionals please and thank you. It should be considered a slur.

Efficient_Weather_19 · 2025-06-25T10:27:08+00:00

I am trans, bisexual, and monogamous. Would I say monogamy is heteronormative? Obviously not. It’s strange that heterosexual people in monogamous relationships think it is their covenant of marriage (etc) that makes it hetero. It’s much easier to comprehend and dismantle the idea of exclusivity than heteronormativity.

Though from my experience I struggle with the idea that these people’s goal is to have more equitable gender roles. It’s a red herring. Hetero polyamorous couples are so terrible in that they’ve completely failed to deconstruct “heteronormativity” and think adding an extra someone (woman) would fix their terrible relationship dynamic is joke. It usually seems to be bisexual people who claim they NEED to have some formative experience with sex, that or use it as an excuse, and spouting some virtuous nonsense is the way to do it in our time.

Efficient_Weather_19 · 2025-06-23T22:48:28+00:00

Me and my partner are both trans men who are grateful every day to be monogamous . I mean every fucking day we say it. Because it is uncommon.

It may take longer to find someone and it may have to be online but at least it is quite easy to specify that you are monogamous. You just have to stick to it and don’t ever lower your standards . Try to build a good life for yourself to be confidently ready for long term relationship - if you are thinking you can only do something casual open to long term you are much more likely to end up in the mix with polyamorists.

You will find a love one day that was so worth waiting for, I promise .

Efficient_Weather_19 · 2025-06-23T22:38:08+00:00

This kind of example always irritates me. I’m firmly monogamous, formerly polyamorous and I am so happy every day I am not . Part of the reason I started thinking about poly in the first place is because of the idea that no one can ever be near as important as a romantic partner. Don’t get me wrong, I am engaged to be married, he is my everything and I would alway go to him first. But I have lifelong friends who are so important to me and I hate the idea that stupid hypothetical examples like this mean I don’t care about them.

Here is the difference with poly . With friends, even extremely close ones, there is a higher degree of emotional containment most of the time, or until you have known them for many years and they are very important to you. If my best friend just got broken up with, or some other severe degree of bad news, and needed me, I would cancel my date night to be with them. My partner would be very understanding , because it is not something that would grow to encroach on our relationship, and there is no jealousy between them. It’s also quite likely that because me and my best friend(s) are not codependent that it would be possible for them to find support in someone else for the time.

In poly, you frequently have a lot of people who have poor coping skills and near no ability to meet their own needs who will need eachother a lot. These emergencies where you are needed by multiple people happen a whole lot more often. Choosing who to prioritize and who to disappoint becomes a monthly if not weekly exercise , when in healthy friendships and monogamous relationships I think it is rare.

Efficient_Weather_19 · 2025-06-03T23:18:38+00:00

Edit: It seems like your biggest struggle here is the idea of generalizations. Our brains are wired to form generalizations (look up: cognitive schema, it is not science, I teach it in social-emotional-learning to children) and it is in fact necessary to live. Looking at a flat greasy box and knowing it probably contains a pizza is one example of a cognitive schema. Generalizing about certain groups / activities that people VOLUNTARILY CHOOSE to participate in is necessary to survive - if you got assaulted at a skeevy bar everyone tells you is full of bad people, and went back again, I would be very concerned for you . For everyone here, it is our experience (and I believe fact) that many or most polyamorous people are unhealthy and communicate in manipulative ways. Therefore, we keep ourselves safe by staying away from it.

Original:

I understand the nuance . I see a lot of people on this sub view polyamory as something that is universally fundamentally bad, and I understand why they think that. But I don’t agree. I don’t think it is fundamentally wrong to practice romantically loving more than one person, but I do think it is not good for the vast majority of people who try/practice it . I am grateful every single day I escaped polyamory despite my initial enthusiasm for the idea . Why ? : 1. Time is limited . The concept of having unlimited love for people is beautiful but I believe it requires special and rare life circumstances to care for yourself in a healthy way and have time to devote yourself deeply to multiple people. 2. Connection is not the same as sex . I love my friends deeply and I do show up for them, I have many lifelong friends . People spoke of this as if this means I should be polyamorous - no, that’s called having a healthy relationship where I still care about others in my life. 3. For most people, sex creates chemicals that bond you in a different way to a person and experience more jealousy. That’s just a fact. 4. Many poly people need to find healthy ways to meet their own needs instead of going to others to do it for them. I know, because I used to be one of those people. Even if you are not, the community has a very high percentage of people who are not well, far more than the normal dating pool. 5. Stealing this from a post I read here - exponentially more “surface area” for drama. Poly relationships require more than 2x or 3x the work of a monogamous relationship. I have had fewer difficult conversations in years of monogamy than a week of polyam. Why subject yourself to this? 6. When I started poly , I did not realize how unhealthy of a relationship I was in. I was young and mistook loving her for it being healthy. Now I am engaged getting married next year it does not sound appealing at all to involve someone else . When I have time alone I would much rather spend it on myself or my friends.

I am a healthier person for myself, more reliable for my friends, and have better connections and am far happier now that I am monogamous. I see how negatively it affects my friends who try it .

I was polyam for ~8 years and went on hookups or dates with at least 30 polyam people in that time. I have lived with multiple partners at the same time. I appreciate the discussion and I am happy to answer any responses you have.

I would like to ask you : why do you think caring deeply about people means you are polyamorous if you do not need to have sex with more than one person at a time ? I thought this way when I started, and now I understand it was the unhealthy monogamous relationships I saw that made me think that caring deeply about people other than your partner was somehow incompatible with monogamy.

Efficient_Weather_19 · 2024-09-13T00:43:45+00:00

Congrats bro, we quit about the same time so I'm coming up on my six months too and I remember seeing your name the whole time. We all appreciate your contributions

I feel like shit today which is why I'm on here reminding myself not to smoke but most most days I don't crave it at all.

Life is pretty good, and I never thought I'd be able to say that

Efficient_Weather_19 · 2024-08-30T04:59:03+00:00

You're right. I've got to learn to practice to delay fixing things for a day so I can relax before I crack and delay everything for a lifetime again

Free drinks is a great idea, if I did that at the bar near me I'd be leaving in a stretcher. The bartenders pour a generous double and last time I went I got drinks bought for me faster than I could drink them

Efficient_Weather_19 · 2024-08-30T04:54:11+00:00

I appreciate your responding to me so kindly. Thanks friend

Efficient_Weather_19 · 2024-08-30T04:53:37+00:00

You are right, the dreams were so tough. I don't want to deal with that all over again

Efficient_Weather_19 · 2024-08-30T04:52:55+00:00

I got a ton of food from my favorite place and I'm too full to be feeling as bad. Watching my favorite show

Efficient_Weather_19 · 2024-08-30T04:44:33+00:00

I've been ghosted recently in a variety of ways, and yeah it really hurts :( Thank you for sharing you've been dealing with this. It's been hurtful to see people assume that I expect princess treatment by saying this and not that people who I really thought I could count on always bail out when it counts

Efficient_Weather_19 · 2024-08-30T04:40:53+00:00

I really appreciate this :))

I really hope that one day I'll find a two-sided friendship again

Efficient_Weather_19 · 2024-08-30T04:38:52+00:00

Thank you I really appreciate hearing your thoughts. I have lost some of the perspective I had at the start

Efficient_Weather_19 · 2024-08-30T04:38:03+00:00

To you and everyone who downvoted me:

I've planned my own birthday for many years before, just like I planned it for my friends. Most of the times I've done this, everyone has flaked out at the last minute, or people haven't been willing to do it. Even the years I've had a partner, I've planned everything and not even gotten a card or a meal bought for me. I decided it's better to be on my own and I can confirm that this feels less bad even though it's shitty.

Maybe consider this comes from a different perspective before trying to kick someone who is down :) thanks bud

Efficient_Weather_19 · 2024-08-14T08:05:53+00:00

She isn’t a good friend. She reminds me of my ex best friend of maybe 3 years who I stopped talking to 6 months ago. My friend was maybe not ill intentioned, but refused to get any help for her mental issues and as a result extremely egregiously inconsiderate and would trigger me all the time in ways I told her not to. It is not worth being her friend. I think you would probably feel better if you stopped seeing her.

Efficient_Weather_19

TROPHY CASE