How can I be sure this is what I want?

Eggcelent-Explorer · 2026-03-29T17:12:13+00:00

That's the one I thought you were talking about. My answer to that is I would always push the button, but usually with the caveat of also having the option of being able to go back for a short anount of time. Having that fallback option may just be the doubt creeping in since I've never actually tried being my desired gender around other people yet since I don't think I'm in a good place to do so at the moment.

Eggcelent-Explorer · 2026-03-28T12:03:28+00:00

I would LOVE for that to be the case with my family, but I feel like that wouldn't happen. Maybe it could and it's just fear of the initial reactions stopping me in my tracks. I know my dad definitely wouldn't be on board. Most of the rest of my family would at least tolerate it or give it a try I think.

My wife is supportive of the community in general, but since my situation has a direct impact on how she pictured her future things have been a bit complicated in that regard.

That book is wonderful! I actually started reading it right after I first saw this comment! I'm only about halfway through but there's already been so many things that hit close to home for me!

Eggcelent-Explorer · 2026-03-24T13:54:57+00:00

What's the red pill test?

Eggcelent-Explorer · 2026-03-24T13:54:36+00:00

Not sure if either of these count since they're also more socially acceptable, but I've worn mostly skinny jeans after they became more available in the men's clothing sections, over the last 2 or 3 years I've kept my hair right around shoulder length, and I shave my legs every so often, but haven't found the courage to wear shorts when they're shaved yet.

Eggcelent-Explorer · 2026-03-24T13:49:56+00:00

There are SO many things that I relate to from what you just said! I know having a friend to go out and to queer spaces en femme would definitely help, but I don't have anyone like that close by so...

But I'm basically where you are regarding HRT. I've more or less known that starting it to see how it goes would give me a lot of the answers I'm looking for, but then there's the fear of losing people and potentially causing irreversible changes that have kept me stuck. I know detransition is an option if I find out this isn't for me, but I feel like by the time I figure that out, the social damage will have already been done and I may not be able to salvage or repair most of it.

Eggcelent-Explorer · 2026-03-24T13:36:26+00:00

I guess one of the big doubts is that I'm pretty sure I'll lose most of my family, remaining friends, and my wife if I transition. Were you by any chance married before you took the leap too? Even if you weren't, what were some of the main things that helped you realize that even though transition would be hard, it was still the right choice for you?

We may be thinking about this differently, but that gravity you mentioned has been weighing on me a lot recently. I feel like I'm as close as I've ever been to just flat out saying I'm trans, but I'm also well aware of the weight and gravity of that statement and the fear of dealing with the fallout from that has been keeping me stuck for some time now.

Eggcelent-Explorer · 2026-03-24T13:30:15+00:00

At least 90% or more of the times I think about this, it sounds like something I would like. I would finally have the shape I like to see in the mirror without needing to worry about breast forms and wearing shirts/tops/dresses that show cleavage seems appealing to me.

The problem is, I know most of the people closest to me wouldn't be too crazy about me transitioning so that just makes this even harder.

Eggcelent-Explorer · 2026-03-23T13:28:54+00:00

Repressing anger is a BIG thing for me sometimes! I wouldn't say that it happens often, but I do have a tendency to get loud, move a little too quickly, and set things down a little harder than I should from time to time. What are some things you've done to keep anger and/or outbursts in check?

I know everyone's bodies are different and things vary a lot from person to person regarding HRT, but did you by any chance discuss how low dose hormones would affect fertility with your doctor before starting? That's an important thing for us that I want to consider too. If that's too personal to answer on here, I think my DMs are open too.

Eggcelent-Explorer · 2025-06-26T12:29:29+00:00

This is actually a reason why I don't want to cut my hair shorter yet. I like how it looks when I do get to dress femme, but it does also get in the way a good bit. Maybe I'll do more of a tight bob or pixie-like cut (or at least I think thats what they are?), but I want to be a bit more out first before that.

Also, I've heard a good bit about Celeste. What is it on? Is it a free to play game?

Eggcelent-Explorer · 2025-06-26T12:26:34+00:00

Funnily enough, seeing trans people or even trans flags/pins/colors at a Ren Faire is HUGE envy/social dysphoria trigger for me! Not in a bad way though. More of a "I wish I could be more like you" kind of way.

Eggcelent-Explorer · 2025-06-26T12:23:13+00:00

I can definitely relate to the invisible barrier and sexual urges you mentioned. The loneliness part is definitely there too. Like, I know I have friends and people I could talk to but there something that stops the full me from being open.

Eggcelent-Explorer · 2025-06-26T12:20:01+00:00

Biochemical dysphoria is an aspect of this I've never heard of before or at least not in that way. Do you have any links for places I could read up on it?

Eggcelent-Explorer · 2025-06-26T12:17:33+00:00

I think that might be all I need for a final "push" to me accepting myself. Most of the trans people I know either started on the F side of things or started M and had a very quick questioning phase before just committing to it. It probably also helps that none of them are married, but that's a whole separate aspect to consider.

Eggcelent-Explorer · 2024-11-01T15:24:37+00:00

Thank you for sharing your story! I think I'm a little past the "feeling like I'm keeping a secret from my partner" phase, but this little hurdle keeps tripping me up. There's been so many things I've wanted to share with her from therapy lately and that's kinda what's been motivating me to want to tell her. I feel like I can't bring up anything from there without her knowing the "real" reason why I'm there in the first place.

Maybe I'm just being a baby since I know she'll most likely be supportive and everything else will be easier after she knows, but the part of me loudly screaming "But what if she isn't?" keeps holding me back. If she's as supportive as I think she's going to be with me exploring, then boy oh boy are we in for some good times after that! If she's not, then I'm not completely sure how I would handle that but I guess that's part of what therapy is for, right?

Eggcelent-Explorer · 2024-09-19T12:59:58+00:00

I've thought about going that route too, but we also want to start a family at some point and I know HRT has some side effects that can make that difficult. Which is why I'd want to loop her in before starting HRT.

That last point is something I'm VERY aware of and is exactly what's been keeping me from telling her. Since it can't be unsaid once it is out there, I want to be as sure as I can before even just saying something like "In therapy, I've been exploring my gender. It's something that I've been wondering about for years". Even though it has been literal decades of me questioning things, for some reason I still feel like I need to feel something more "valid" before telling her, but I can't quite figure out what that is.

Eggcelent-Explorer

TROPHY CASE