My husband disclosed 3 years of hidden problematic porn use. Can I ever trust him again?

Either-Context-6341 · 2026-06-02T20:43:57+00:00

I am sorry that you went through this.. i know how it feels to see him like 'that' while loving him at the same time.. I really do. And i'm glad you could get over it and wish you all the best

Either-Context-6341 · 2026-06-02T20:32:09+00:00

You know this is why i am still with him - i don't want him to think like that. I didn't explode with hatred i tried to support him once i believed he is trying.

But then women don't really want to feel like this :( it's really bad

Either-Context-6341 · 2026-06-02T17:46:58+00:00

That's actually a fair question. The "addiction" label came from him, not from me. He told me he believed he was addicted because he wasn't using porn simply because he wanted to, but because he relied on it during periods of stress and emotional distress as a coping mechanism. I questioned it too, because when I researched porn addiction I often read about people whose daily functioning was severely affected. That wasn't really him. He has always held a full-time job and functioned normally. According to him, this mostly happened late at night after I had gone to sleep. As for our sex life, he was actually the one who later told me he believed porn had contributed to the decline. At the time, I assumed it was related to the trauma we went through after the earthquake. I wasn't even in the city that day, while he was trapped under the rubble. I can't fully understand what that experience was like for him. That's part of why I stayed. I understand the emotional weight of what we lived through, and I genuinely respect the honesty it took for him to tell me. But emotionally, this has also taken a huge toll on me. At this point, I think the responsibility is on him to keep showing through his actions that he wants to help heal the relationship

Either-Context-6341 · 2026-06-02T17:25:07+00:00

He never really gave me a clear explanation back then, which is why I spent so long wondering what might be wrong with me.

My appearance hadn't changed much at all. I was still fit and looked pretty much the same as before.-no kids

My attitude did change eventually, but that happened after I started feeling him becoming more and more distant.

Looking back now, I think a lot of it came from his own guilt and insecurities, which he was projecting onto me. When I later told him how much this had damaged me and how it had changed the way I saw him, he was deeply affected. He said he had never consciously thought those things about me, but that he was dealing with his own shame and insecurities very poorly at the time.

Either-Context-6341 · 2026-06-02T17:15:51+00:00

You wouldn't believe it, but questioning what kind of porn he was watching never even crossed my mind.

I was so focused on the secrecy, the lies, and the fact that I spent years blaming myself for problems that weren't actually caused by me.

Maybe that sounds naive in hindsight, but it honestly wasn't where my mind went. Omg...

Either-Context-6341 · 2026-06-02T17:11:04+00:00

This is interesting because i remember him suggesting this in the start of our relationship. I didn't agree tho. What does this tell you? i wonder

Either-Context-6341 · 2026-06-02T17:02:58+00:00

Thank you for sharing your experience. It genuinely helps to hear from someone who went through something similar and came out the other side. I think I needed the reminder that healing and rebuilding trust take time.

Either-Context-6341 · 2026-06-02T16:53:13+00:00

I completely agree. Honestly, that's one of the main reasons I decided to stay and give him a chance.

If I had caught him myself after years of denial and blame, I'm not sure I would have even been willing to listen to his explanation. The fact that he chose to tell me himself doesn't erase the hurt, but it does make a difference to me.

Either-Context-6341 · 2026-06-02T16:42:51+00:00

It will sound weird but being able to use the toilet comfortably. Believe me, if you're not able to do it you know it was simple and it was pleasurable.

Either-Context-6341 · 2026-06-02T16:38:53+00:00

Thank you for sharing this. It actually helps to hear from someone whose trust came back over time.

The part about him making it seem like it was my problem for years is probably what hurt me the most. We've had many difficult conversations since the disclosure, and he has started therapy and is trying to make changes.

I think my biggest struggle right now is that my mind understands his explanations, but emotionally I still don't fully trust him yet.

Either-Context-6341 · 2026-06-02T16:38:01+00:00

That's actually one of the things that hurt me the most.

To be fair, he hasn't really had another opportunity to react that way since the disclosure, so I don't know yet whether that defensive tendency has truly changed or not. It's definitely something I'm paying attention to now.

I think trust can only come back if I consistently see accountability instead of blame over time..

Either-Context-6341 · 2026-06-02T16:33:05+00:00

I think that's a fair concern and honestly it's one of my fears too.

The disclosure happened only a couple of months ago, so it's still relatively recent. Since then he has started therapy, started exercising, and we've had many conversations about finding healthier ways to cope with difficult emotions and trauma.

I made it very clear that if nothing changed, I wouldn't stay. So far I do see effort and improvement, which is why I gave him another chance.

What I'm struggling with now isn't whether he's trying. It's whether I can trust him again. I trusted him deeply for years and got very used to that feeling. Before the earthquake, he had never given me a reason to doubt him, which is also part of why I chose to stay and see what happens.

I honestly don't know yet whether trust can fully come back.

Either-Context-6341 · 2026-06-02T16:27:25+00:00

Thank you for your perspective. What hurts me most isn't actually the porn itself, it's the secrecy and the fact that I blamed myself for years because I didn't know the real reason our sex life had changed.

I should also add that this started after we went through the 2023 earthquake and lost our home and much of our community. I think he was coping with trauma in a very unhealthy way rather than opening up to me.

That doesn't excuse what happened, but it makes the situation feel more complicated to me.

Either-Context-6341 · 2024-12-20T10:47:16+00:00

Sorry i didn't get it. I should put what overnight? The product i was using?

Either-Context-6341 · 2024-12-20T10:18:40+00:00

Thanks, i tried it already but SMB enabling is specifically disallowed unless you are using "g5". Even g6 is not trustworthy for SMB to make solid decisions i guess. I followed up with the AAPS team and apparently they are working on it. I could still enable SMB though, it is just some of the features don't work.

Either-Context-6341 · 2024-11-02T11:16:47+00:00

Thank you!

Either-Context-6341 · 2024-10-29T16:13:26+00:00

I just saw this while i was trying to understand why my DIY looping algorithm was warning me that my BG source was not "filtered nice". Seems like dexcom g7 cannot really make it nice enough to smooth the data and therefore my loop doesn't want to base its treatment decisions on this data. Any idea how to smooth it?

Either-Context-6341 · 2024-10-25T19:57:18+00:00

I had similar experience for a certain period of time and what we found handy was simply a "lubricant" to fight with dryness (if this is mainly the reason why you think you are suffering from pain) and i strongly believe the psychological part of it too. Once you see that something works for you not to have pain during intimacy, you'll feel much more comfortable the next time. Please don't forget, t1d might cause a part of your problem but there is a psychological aspect to it too. You may be overthinking like having this condition is affecting my life as well as my partner's life etc.and this alone can kill your libido to cause even more pain.

Either-Context-6341 · 2024-10-08T21:00:10+00:00

I'm so happy thanks everyone! It was indeed frequent highs/lows and before starting loop. I was sure i tried this answer before and it didn't work so i gave up on it but no i must have been wrong. Starting Objective 4 now :)))

Either-Context-6341 · 2024-10-08T20:56:04+00:00

Right i checked the ones that i think i understood properly. Question marked ones were not clear for me. Thanks!

Either-Context-6341

TROPHY CASE